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Doomsdayin’ It

in Pregnancy

One of my really good friends is also pregnant with her first child, and this weekend, she called me to rant about the insensitive things that people say to you when you’re pregnant.  Her rant was about how a family member told her that she was going to gain all this extra weight, her breasts would be permanently destroyed, and she’d never get her body back. 

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Her rant prompted a discussion about how so many people in our real lives seem to be so negative about pregnancy (which is one of the many reasons why it is so nice to hear your encouraging and sweet comments on my weekly updates – thank you so much!).  If I had a dollar for every time a friend (well, mostly an acquaintance) or relative told me to, “Sleep now! You’ll never sleep again,” “Better have sex now, while you actually still want it,” or “Are you sure you want a kid? You can borrow mine for a week and see what parenthood is really like,” I could buy that dream mansion in the Bahamas. 

 

It gets worse when people ask about my birth plans, and I say that I’m planning on a natural, drug-free birth.  “Oh sure,” a few have said. “You just wait. You’ll be begging for the drugs because it will be the worse pain you’ve ever imagined.”  Then I get to sit through a gruesome birth story in which their friend or friend’s baby traumatically died (I’ve since learned to interrupt and politely state that I don’t want to hear bad birth stories).  And – even worse – right after we announced the pregnancy to family and friends, I had two people say, “You know, you might have a miscarriage.  You shouldn’t get so attached.”  Gee, thanks.  I never knew people had miscarriages!

 

Part of me gets why people say these things about pregnancy and kids… I do get it (well, kind of). Pregnancy and kids are hard. Maybe they are just blowing off steam. But I have to say, I have a few friends who are very positive about their children, and it is so refreshing!  “You are going to love it,” they say. “Sure, we wake up earlier and, yes, our lives are different, but it’s usually a good kind of different.”  Not sugarcoating but not doomsdayin’ it, either.  These conversations are so nice.  I mean – we’re already knee-deep in this life change.  Can’t turn back the clock.  I’d rather focus on the positive, you know?

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I was thinking about how this relates to healthy living.  When I first started to make healthy changes, so many people told me, “It won’t last,” “You’re not a real runner,” or “Oh, ha!  This month’s fad, huh?”  I noticed that the people I cared most about – and I was sure cared about me – were more likely to get down on me.  It was almost like they were trying to protect my feelings in advance if I failed.  But all that happened was I felt a bit down and unsupported. 

 

Not sure if this post has a point, but the Negative Nancies of pregnancy and healthy living have been rolling around in my brain since that conversation with my friend.  I’ve come to two tentative conclusions:

 

  • Happiness is about seeking out positive people and drawing firm lines with the people who are unnecessarily negative.
  • Love is about going out of your way to say something positive and supportive, even if you know your friend’s tits are going to hit the ground after breastfeeding.

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Breakfast:  1-2-3 Gluten Free Pancake with blueberries, Greek yogurt with 1/2 a banana, and almonds

{ 262 comments }

 

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  • Amy Q January 17, 2012, 9:32 am

    Well said. I am DOWN with the negative BS in this world.

    Reply
  • Amy Q January 17, 2012, 9:33 am

    Wait, that makes it sound like I am good with it. I’m not. I’m NOT DOWN with the negative BS!

    Reply
  • Juliene January 17, 2012, 9:37 am

    Negative nancies don’t go away once the baby is born either. We have a five month old son who cosleeps (which makes is devil selfish parents) and who we are baby led weaning (which makes us lazy dangerous parents). I just take it with a grain of salt and tell people you raise your kids however you feel is right and I’ll do the same. My children will turn out fine as will theirs. Stay positive. Parenthood really is the hardest but most rewarding thing I’ve ever done and I wish everyone could feel the love and joy i do every time I look at my son!

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 9:38 am

      Aw thanks for the nice comment about parenthood :)

      Reply
  • shelly January 17, 2012, 9:38 am

    Oh man, my parents totally do this. I’ll tell them about something I’ve done recently (like having gone for a run or taken a trip, etc..) and they’ll say
    “Well you can’t do that once you have kids!” absolutely gleefully. Then, practically in the same breath, they’ll start harping on me and pressuring me to have kids! I just say “You guys aren’t exactly selling it!”

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 9:38 am

      hahah love it.

      Reply
  • Angela @ Eat Spin Run Repeat January 17, 2012, 9:38 am

    Oh wow, I can’t believe anyone would actually say those things to a woman who is already pregnant!! What’s she supposed to do, just ‘decide’ to change her mind? Grr.. I know there are a lot of horror stories about pregnancy and I’m certainly in no rush to have children yet (I’m only 23), but I think people need to be a bit more sensitive!

    Reply
  • Cara @ I Don't Believe in Diets January 17, 2012, 9:38 am

    I love how inspiring you are. I am currently trying to get rid of a lot of negative people in my life because it was making me a bit more negative than I wanted to be.

    I can’t believe how rude people are telling you about bad stories. argh. i just don’t understand people sometimes.

    Reply
  • Nanette Mills January 17, 2012, 9:40 am

    Caitlin,
    I just have to say, I have a baby boy who just turned 4 months on Sunday. Yes, it is hard and the first four months is an emotional roller coaster, but that little baby is the most wonderful thing we have ever done times 100. Nothing can compare. And while it can be a struggle at times it is the best kind of struggle. You are shaping a person; a wonderful, sweet, stinky, chubby, drooly person. It shouldn’t be easy. The best achievements in life never are.

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 9:40 am

      I plan to re-read this when the going gets tough :)

      Reply
    • Jessie B. January 17, 2012, 3:26 pm

      Well said. I don’t even have kids (yet) and that made me emotional.

      Reply
  • Lindsay @ The Reluctant Runner January 17, 2012, 9:40 am

    People are really negative! I usually feel anxious about sharing things that are exciting or important to me with people for fear of them trying to take the wind out of my sails. This post is a good reminder to be mindful of how we react to those we care about and make sure we aren’t that negative voice!

    Reply
  • Claire @ Live and Love to Eat January 17, 2012, 9:43 am

    I’m all about planning for the worst and hoping for the best – as long as you’ve considered both ends of the spectrum, you can handle any situation in between.

    Reply
  • Liz January 17, 2012, 9:43 am

    I absolutely agree with you. I think, in the case of having kids, the positives are the same for everyone – the awe, pride, the amazing little person you get to meet, etc – but the negatives vary a lot between people – for example, some women get varicose veins, some don’t. So when something goes wrong, people think – ‘I wasn’t warned about this! I must tell everyone so they know it might happen!’
    I think you’re completely within your rights to shut them down and say you don’t want to hear such negative opinions, you’re focusing on the awesome side of having a baby.

    Reply
  • Jackie January 17, 2012, 9:44 am

    This seems so bizarre to me because literally, throughout my entire pregnancy (34 weeks right now) I’ve heard nothing but good and encouraging things from other people (or at least the overall message is good – for example, “it’s hard in the beginning, but it’s the best thing that will ever happen to you” etc.). Even from strangers.

    Are these your FRIENDS saying negative things? Or random internet people on your blog?

    I would think random people who are negative are just taking advantage of the anonymity of commenting on blogs and probably shouldn’t be taken too seriously. But if it’s your friends…?

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 9:53 am

      Mostly acquaintances (like people I encounter at work or people I interact with solely on Facebook) as well as some family members, unfortunately.

      Reply
  • Jess January 17, 2012, 9:45 am

    I’m so sorry. Those are horrible things to say and I cannot imagine ANYONE thinking they are okay to say. You two will be such lovely parents and I pray for a healthy, intelligent, kind, beautiful baby for you guys!!

    Reply
  • KindraC January 17, 2012, 9:47 am

    Bahahahaha! Your “love is” quote cracks me up because I have a 6 week old and am currently breastfeeding. I hear ya on the negative nancies during pregnancy…I got a lot of it as well. I would just rub my belly to send her my happy vibes and walk away from the negative ones :) Childbirth, breastfeeding and parenthood in general are the hardest things I’ve done in my life, but so far the most rewarding. You will rock at it!

    Gotta go, now the baby is crying again ;)

    Reply
  • Heather January 17, 2012, 9:49 am

    People have an extremely weird tendency to want to rain on your parade. They did it about our marriage, pregnancy, and now about the kid too. The truth, from my perspective?

    EVERYTHING changes, and I couldn’t ask for better.

    I sleep less, but not worse, and I’m not always tired. It’s remarkable how quickly I’ve adjusted to a new way of sleeping.

    My body is completely different, but no less awesome. In fact, I’m healthier now thanks to having a toddler who encourages me to set a good, healthy example. So while things may be laid out a bit differently, this is a better body than ever before.

    Drugs, no drugs, hospital, midwife, doula, hut…. these are all extremely personal decisions, and I’m glad you’re speaking up for yourself and telling people NO bad birth stories are allowed. It’s ridiculous. Everyone knows about negative things that happen, but it’s NOT something to discuss with a pregnant woman, or any woman who doesn’t ask.

    Anyway, the point (to me) is that it’s all about perspective. If you choose to look at parenting negatively, then I’m sure it is miserable. But for me, it’s amazing. I knew I’d love my daughter, but I had no idea how much. I didn’t even know I had the capacity to love like this. I’ve never laughed so hard, smiled so much, loved so completely. I’m learning to see the world through child eyes again, and it’s amazing.

    Okay, I could go on all day. I’ll shut up. :)

    Reply
    • Maureen January 17, 2012, 10:54 am

      I couldn’t have explained parenting, and the feelings on my body any better than you have…..what a phenomenal outlook you have!

      Reply
  • Chloe (In Fine Feather) January 17, 2012, 9:50 am

    I can’t believe that strangers (or even ‘friends’) for that matter would actually tell a pregnant woman all these things, but I keep hearing it from multiple people so it must be true.
    Negativity is not helpful to anyone, let alone a person who is going through a tremendous life change.

    Reply
  • Ashley January 17, 2012, 9:53 am

    I love this post! I’ve noticed all these things said to my pregnant friends at least once or twice- and I have to say, my eating habits differ quite a bit from my family, and they always have something to say about it- even though you’d think they would be more encouraging about it. It’s sad to think so many people we care about can be so negative about the situations or life-style changes that make us happy.

    Reply
  • Allison January 17, 2012, 9:53 am

    We have told only our parents and some random strangers about our pregnancy because I’m trying to put off the negative comments as long as possible. I know the realities (labor is tough, life will be different) but don’t want to dwell on them. We are excited and want to focus on the positive right now!

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 9:54 am

      Well, I wish you the happiest of pregnancies!!!

      Reply
  • Melissa January 17, 2012, 9:53 am

    Congratulations on your pregnancy, Caitlin! I am a new mom of a 3 month old, and I can relate to a lot of what you wrote about- the good and the bad. In my own experience, I have nothing but great things to say about pregnancy and giving birth. I loved being pregnant and was very lucky to have exactly the kind of birth experience I wanted- I would give birth again in a second and will say this to anyone I know who is pregnant! Having a newborn was another story for me and my husband- it is really hard and we have definitely found ourselves saying things like “wait till you’re okay with never sleeping again before you have kids!” to our friends who don’t have babies yet. A lot of this is venting and probably the result of being sleep deprived (I was SO ANNOYED when I was pregnant by people saying to me “sleep while you can! Unfortunately they were right!) But when I can take a step back from the hard moments, I can see that I have what I’ve always wanted. I am a mom to a sweet, willful, determined, beautiful little boy and I wouldn’t give that up for all the sleep and free time in the world. It’s easy for me to be positive about my son, and it’s different than being positive about the experience of parenthood as a whole.

    Reply
    • Becky January 17, 2012, 10:22 am

      I get that sleeping comment a lot. I love my sleep. There will NEVER be a time when I’ll say “hey, you know what I don’t feel like doing today? Sleeping!”
      But I’m pregnant. And super excited! And I know plenty of people who were initially sleep deprived with a newborn, but got into the swing of things and are sleeping just fine. Everybody/ every pregnancy/every baby is different.

      Reply
  • HRCK the Herald January 17, 2012, 9:54 am

    I’m not pregnant (or anywhere remotely close), but I agree– people ARE negative about pregnancy!

    It’s like the dumb jokes people make to guys who are about to get married about incurring the “old ball and chain,” or experiencing their “last nights of freedom” etc. I hate that.

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 9:59 am

      YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS omg. we got so much of this when we were engaged. It was ridiculous.

      Reply
  • Laura January 17, 2012, 9:55 am

    I’m 8 weeks pregnant and we are expecting our first little one in August! Although I haven’t told a ton of people yet, I know exactly what you mean! My mom used to tell me a great tidbit of wisdom when it comes to Negative Nancys like that: don’t take ANYTHING personal! I know it seems a bit extreme, but most likely the people that are being the most negative have a lot going on in their own lives that’s causing them to behave like that. It really has nothing to do with you and your happiness. Once I started thinking like that, it was so much easier to brush off negative comments. :) You and the Hubs will be wonderful parents!

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 9:59 am

      This is good advice!

      Reply
      • Lindsay January 17, 2012, 10:16 am

        There was a great article in Real Simple about this recently. I wish I could find it online. I found it really interesting! It was all about how the negativity of others is RARELY about the person receiving it. And, in marriages or other close relationships, it is even selfish to think that it is because no one can be happy-go-lucky all the time…sometimes, people are just in a bad mood for some other silly reason, or sometimes for very serious reasons. So, try not to take negativity from others too personally…

        Reply
    • Laura January 17, 2012, 1:36 pm

      Oh my goodness! I am also a Laura who is eight weeks pregnant! haha Hope it’s going well! :-)

      Reply
      • Laura January 17, 2012, 1:51 pm

        How funny is that?! Other than feeling a bit nauseous throughout the day, it’s going great! Hope you are having a smooth pregnancy as well! :)

        Reply
  • Katie @ Peace Love & Oats January 17, 2012, 9:55 am

    wow, you talk to a lot of negative people! I can’t believe anyone would say those things!

    Reply
  • Lindsay January 17, 2012, 9:58 am

    My mom is one of those Negative Nancys about pregnancy and it drives me bonkers. She had an awful pregnancy with me- she had preclampsia, an emergency c-section and post-partum depression. So everything is so negative about being pregnant and then of course there is the difference of opinion regarding raising our children, ect. Needless to say we don’t see eye to eye on things which is unfortunate but I’m learning to deal with it and limit how much i reveal to her, which is sad but necessary for my own sanity.

    Reply
  • Alayna @ Thyme Bombe January 17, 2012, 10:00 am

    I’d like to toss in marriage as another thing that even those close to you tend to be such a downer about. Marriage, pregnancy, parenthood, and many other huge life milestones certainly come with their fair share of difficulty and hard work, but that doesn’t mean that they’re joyless. Sure, a lot of marriages don’t last the promised lifetime, but can’t people just allow themselves to be happy about happy things?

    Reply
  • Julie January 17, 2012, 10:01 am

    Great post!! I completely agree with the negativeness about pregnancy! I’m not even there yet, but I would say 90% of the time I hear people talking about pregnancy, its exactly all the negative things you mention! It drives me nuts and I’d like to be optimistic when I get to the pregnancy stage.. Thanks for being a positive pregnant lady! :)

    Also, this made me LOL: Love is about going out of your way to say something positive and supportive, even if you know your friend’s tits are going to hit the ground after breastfeeding.

    Reply
  • Tanya January 17, 2012, 10:01 am

    Kinda sad that some people are so negative. Having been through 3 pregnancies (complete with 3 natural childbirths), and raised 3 children (at least til teenage years so far), I have to say it has been an amazing joyful ride. I decided to stay at home to raise my kids at least for a while and it’s been so fun, I haven’t gone back to work yet. Maybe I’m a bit crazy, but I have loved every stage from newborn to toddler to yes I even am enjoying my teens.

    Reply
  • Emily January 17, 2012, 10:03 am

    I loved this post. :) My husband and I have a 7 year old daughter and a 4 year old son. As I commented on your blog before, parenting is THE hardest thing you will ever do. EVER. But it is also THE most wonderful, the most beautiful, and the most rewarding. There is nothing like your child throwing his/her arms around your neck and saying “I wuv you, Mommy.” It is truly indescribable.

    Reply
    • HTPDad January 17, 2012, 10:44 am

      after nearly 30 years the sense memory of those tiny arms, and the kid smell, and the real emotion in the voice are still with me…

      Reply
  • Ericka January 17, 2012, 10:04 am

    Great post, Caitlin, and perfect timing…I literally JUST had a co-worker call me a “health food freak” as I was making oatmeal for breakfast. I don’t think people understand that comments like that are no less offensive than if I were to say to someone, “How can you possibly eat that nasty, processed, fatty food?!”

    Your post is a great reminder to be mindful of comments made to others about their choices in life, regardless of what they are.

    Reply
  • Michelle from The Cooking Life January 17, 2012, 10:05 am

    Gah! I HATE hearing negativity about pregnancy. It’s bad enough that there ARE bad things that can happen to a pregnant woman and her child, but I’m sure most woman are not naive. I’m sorry you’ve been hearing a lot of negativity. I’ve heard my share of it too and have just chosen to listen to the positive. Everything from the lacking sleep thing to the fact that I shouldn’t wear a backpack on my back (when it is not even heavy). I don’t know much other than talking to my midwife (I’m going to a birthing center to do a natural birth, or at least attempt it as best as I can, hopefully without intervention) and reading Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth (you should read this – it is great) and talking with my friends who have been through pregnancy. But I know it will work out how it is supposed to at the end. Plus it’s great b/c two of the midwives at the birthing center are triathletes and we’re able to talk about pains of childbirth and relate to training for a race. Hang in there! Continue to surround yourself with positivity. You are beautiful and don’t you forget it! :)

    Reply
  • Jen January 17, 2012, 10:06 am

    My baby is 8 weeks old and it’s AWESOME! I had a natural birth and we’re doing great. Sure, it’s tough at times but the fun times outweigh the difficult moments. I think it really helps that you have a strong support network in your life. I never thought I’d be a mother but now that I am, I can’t imagine my life any other way. You’re going to love it! Ignore those negative Nellies! And prove them WRONG every chance you can!

    Reply
  • Cheryl January 17, 2012, 10:07 am

    My mom had both my brother and me naturally and we were both big babies (9 and 10 lbs). She did just fine and actually said it wasn’t that bad. You’ll do great :)

    Reply
  • Nadia January 17, 2012, 10:07 am

    I’ve been reading your blog for several years, but have only commented a handful of times. Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy! The only advice I can offer is: try to remember every detail of it (it goes by really quickly!) and take other people’s advice (including mine:) ) with a grain of salt!

    When I was pregnant, a ‘good friend’ (who had recently given birth) told me that I was the largest pregnant lady who wasn’t carrying twins she had ever seen! I cried for about 3 days after hearing that, and was extremely self-conscience about my weight after that (I gained 35 lbs and carried my daughter really high – think Katie Holmes pregnant). Because of this comment, I only have 3 pictures of myself pregnant – something I constantly regret.

    Once my daughter arrived, people were constantly giving us advice to get her to sleep (she had really bad colic only took 30 min naps until she was 9 months old), and for a few months I was always stressed out about not being a good mother, comparing myself to others (and comparing my daughter to other babies), and reading tons of books that offered different and often contradicting advice.

    It took me a few months to get my head on straight, and realize that neither did I have to compare myself to others, or did I have to listen to every piece of advice given to me. To this day, I still politely listen to whatever parenting advice comes along, but in my head and my heart, I smile and think about the kind and thoughtful 3-year old I have, and take it all in with a grain of salt.

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 10:09 am

      Aw I feel so bad that you were made to feel ashamed about your pregnant body! :( I wanna give you a big hug.

      Reply
  • Meg @ My Chocolate Covered Life January 17, 2012, 10:07 am

    I felt the same way when I told people I quit my job in PR to become a teacher. I could not believe how negative everyone was. People literally said, “Don’t do it, Meg. You’re too good for that.” Too good for what?? What could be a better use of someone’s time than educating children? I had always known PR was temporary – a way to pay the bills and save up for grad school – and there was no question in my mind that I wanted to teach.

    I am now in my third year at my dream job – teaching middle school social studies. Believe me, I know this isn’t most people’s dream! But it is mine and I couldn’t be more proud of myself for ignoring the unsolicited advice and going for my dream. Yes, it is the hardest thing I have ever done, and at times I want to cry I have so much work/grading/planning to do, but it is incredibly fulfilling and makes the long hours and working weekends worthwhile.

    Good luck, Caitlin! You and your husband will be great parents.

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 10:10 am

      The world needs more teachers like you!!!!

      Reply
    • Alison January 17, 2012, 10:29 am

      I love this comment because I’ve gotten this a lot too! I’m in school to get my teachiing license and a master’s in education, and people give me crazy looks ALL. THE. TIME. when I tell them that I want to teach middle school social studies (yeah civics!). I told a group of middle school students that I want to teach kids their age and even THEY looked me like I was nuts -it was priceless.

      Reply
      • Bron January 17, 2012, 7:54 pm

        I love this comment too- when people ask me what I do and I tell them I am a high school teacher they scrunch up their nose and say something like ‘that must be difficult…hard…ugh…’ ot ‘yuck – teenagers!’ and I feel like telling them that I’d rather take the company of awesome teenagers over some adults anyday! I love working with teenagers and would never dream of negatively juging other people’s jobs!!

        Reply
  • Lindsay January 17, 2012, 10:08 am

    My sister had two natural births and never complains, or even really talks about them that much. Its just what she did. I know that if she did it, you can too, if you want to…if you change your mind and want drugs, that will be ok, too :)

    Reply
  • Amy Q January 17, 2012, 10:08 am

    It’s funny you should mention Facebook- as of yesterday, I decided that I am giving it up for Lent this year. Despite the positive interactions and the reconnections I have made with great people from my past, I am finding so much negativity on there that I can’t take it. And it’s a huge time suck. So Lent starts Feb 22. And I think I will be weaning down until then. Might remove it from my Smartphone, as a starter.

    Reply
  • Lauren January 17, 2012, 10:09 am

    I just recently started reading your blog, and am so happy I found it! I’m pregnant also, and just as far along as you are, and I get the negative comments from so many people. It even started having a negative affect on my pregnancy and I started having doubts that this was the right thing to do. So I has to stop freaking out and tell myself A) these are obviously people that are miserable in their own lives and are trying to take me down with them B) they don’t have an amazing husband as I do, that will drop any and everything to help me C) they’re jealous that my life is wonderful and I’m happy.
    Dont listen to people, half of them are just trying to complain to somebody and they other half are just stupid. You and I are going to have wonderful pregnancies, and are lives are going to change for the better :)

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 10:10 am

      Thanks for reading Lauren :)

      Reply
  • Suzanne January 17, 2012, 10:10 am

    So, I’m not pregnant, and don’t plan to be anytime soon, but I’ve had a similar experience since I started law school. People keep telling me how much I’ll hate being a lawyer, how awful my hours are going to be, etc. At first I kept correcting people, saying that they’re referring to only a small percentage of big law jobs, which I don’t plan on pursuing, and that it’s actually a very diverse field and there are many meaningful things I can do with my degree. But now I just don’t feel the need to justify my choices to anyone else anymore. Everything you choose to do will have its negative aspects, whether those choices are professional or personal. You should try to be aware of those aspects going in to try to make the choices that are right for you, but that’s your own responsibility and no one else’s. Only you understand what you are capable of, so once you’ve made your informed choice, focus on all the positives that brought you there instead of listening to all the ignorance.

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 10:13 am

      Hear, hear!

      Reply
  • Becky January 17, 2012, 10:11 am

    As if we pregnant people don’t KNOW all the risks and worry all the time anyways? Why do people need to remind us?
    I’m planning a non medicated home birth. You should hear some of the comments I’ve gotten. One of my friends who is actually a doctor, said “that is the WORST idea I’ve ever heard. Your baby could die.” Um, women have been doing it for centuries. Also,thanks for your reassurance and support?
    Have you read Ina May’s book? The Complete Guide to Childbirth? It really puts things in perspective. It also goes in to why childbirth is so painful and after reading it, its hard not to look at people with really painful labors and wonder what they did to contribute to it.
    Oh wait, I just noticed the person above me suggested it too! Haha! Great minds think alike!

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 10:12 am

      I wish you a happy and healthy home birth! :) I can’t believe someone would say that to you… Um, your baby could also die in a hospital.

      Reply
    • Kris January 17, 2012, 4:26 pm

      Maybe your doctor friend feels strongly enough about the dangers of home births that he/she didn’t feel the need to be encouraging and supportive. Not everyone is going to agree with your decision and sometimes their opinions may be just as well formed and educated as yours. If someone I knew had gone through years and years of schooling I’d probably at least let them voice their concern and the reasoning behind it before blowing them off as an unsupportive jerk.

      Reply
      • K January 17, 2012, 10:07 pm

        Becky, I am also on the receiving end of a lot of funny expressions and comments about our upcoming home birth…I can so relate! And Kris, I do see where you’re coming from, but I would like to kindly remind you that certified midwives are, in fact, experts on pregnancy and childbirth, while doctors – and specifically OBGYNS are experts in emergency and high intervention situations. We are fortunate to have access to both, for genuine emergencies do sometimes require consults or cooperation with physicians or surgeons, but the “years of schooling” that most non-delivering docs go through involves significantly less training in in pregnancy and childbirth compared to midwives, who school for 4 years in this specific area. I don’t think the point is that either one is “better”, but that they have parallel knowledges, skills and philosophies and it’s not an issue of blowing them off, but like everyone else, just thanking them for their input and moving on.

        Reply
  • Kayla January 17, 2012, 10:14 am

    “even if your friends tits are going to hit the ground”… Ha ! Laughing out loud over here. Thank you! I needed that!

    Reply
  • lau January 17, 2012, 10:15 am

    People see the bad before the good :/
    Sure having children is hard, but there are good aspects of it (if not, people wouldn’t have kids :p). I don’t have children (yet ! I want kids !!) but I hope my relatives and friends won’t make this kind of comment…

    Reply
  • Adrienne J January 17, 2012, 10:17 am

    Love it! What a great post Caitlin!!

    Reply
  • Heather January 17, 2012, 10:17 am

    loved how you related the pregnancy nancies with the healthy living ones! When you started talking about what people shouldn’t say to a pregnant person a while back, I remember thinking that I could make a similiar list about so many life changes I’ve faced over the years, especially healthy living. [boy, do I have stories!]

    I think a healthy dose of “if you don’t have anything nice to say….” goes a long way, too! I understand if a friend or family member thinks I’m not cut out for something [weight loss, running X distance, a new job, a cross country move, any sort of goal] and don’t want to support it with false feelings and lies, but please please PLEASE just support me THROUGH the changes with your lips sealed if you can’t say anything nice. Seriously.

    My dear friend Laura (shout out: from http://oddduckblog.com !) once told me that she was judging a decision I was making until “I actually sat down to think about it one day and realized that I was just being closed minded.”

    I’ve remembered that, and have caught myself in the same mindframe a time or two myself. Often times, we hear someone’s news of change and can often only focus on our own experiences in comparisson. I want to OPEN MY MIND to the fact that other people may enjoy what I dislike, succeed where I fail, and generally just have a completely different experience than me.

    Thanks for the great post and reminder, Caitlin!

    Reply
    • Amber @ Busy, Bold, Blessed January 17, 2012, 10:43 am

      “If you don’t have anything nice to say…” yes! Misery loves company and people need to shut their mouths.

      You are strong, positive, and beautiful, and you will be a wonderful mother.

      Reply
  • stephanie January 17, 2012, 10:22 am

    It is AMAZING what people will say to a pregnant woman, even if they don’t know you that well! But in my case, I’ve found that people who say things like that are pretty negative in general, whether it is about their marriages, kids, career, anything. So just keep focusing on the positive supportive people in your life and keep doing what is working so great for you! Doomsayers can suck it! (The tits hitting the ground comment made me laugh so hard!)

    Reply
  • Ali January 17, 2012, 10:23 am

    whoa! Sounds like you should put a call out for positive pregnancy experiences, and postpartum experiences. I had an event-free pregnancy, and I feel like my body looks better than ever – partly because I prioritize my time at the gym more now because I have less time to waste, and partly because I’m more forgiving of myself.
    And my time at home with my daughter when she was an infant was actually quite a Zen experience …lots of time time relaxing on the couch breastfeeding – I’d kill for that now!
    With the mindset you seem to have (via reading your blog), I know it will all be great for you too!

    Reply
    • Ashley January 17, 2012, 10:34 am

      Ali – I couldn’t agree more! I have a 1 year old now, and when I was transitioning back to work I was so nervous since all I heard was how hard it is…and it turned out great. Hearing all of those horror stories, I feel guilty today telling people how happy I am. That’s crazy to me!!

      Reply
  • Liz @ Confessions of a Former Couch Potato January 17, 2012, 10:24 am

    That is such a HUGE rant of mine! (Or it was when I was pregnant!) People only want to tell you horrible childbirth stories or they tell you that you’ll never sleep again or things like you mentioned above. WHY do people do that??? I think maybe it is the human nature thing of trying to “one-up” each other– although it shouldn’t be that way. I will just say– my child slept GREAT right from the moment she came home, and my boobs aren’t drooping to the floor, and I didn’t have the worst birth ever. So just ignore those negative people!

    Reply
  • Teagan January 17, 2012, 10:28 am

    Caitlin! I LOVE that last thought (…even if you know your friends tits are going to hit the ground..) Thanks for reminding me to be a good friend.

    Reply
  • Marissa C January 17, 2012, 10:28 am

    I had the same experience when I was pregnant and it annoyed me to no end. That being said, I was in a La Leche Meeting (trying to get help because breastfeeding isn’t nearly as easy as I thought it would be) and there was a very enthusiastic pregnant lady talking about her plans for natural birth. That was me 3 months ago. I don’t regret anything about my birth experience. I had everything I wanted in my midwife assisted hospital birth…including an epidural at 9 cm that I had said I did NOT want in my birth plan. No one offered it to me…and I know it really was the right decision. But I keep second guessing myself and somehow feel like I’m a failure or not as good because I didn’t have a natural birth. I wanted to tell the lady so bad that it is okay if you end up not having things go to plan so bad but held my tongue because I wouldn’t have appreciated that comment either. I just don’t want anyone else to feel the same way I do. I think that is where a lot o it comes from. But I recognize that you can’t prepare someone else, they have to go through it themselves. Either way, these last 6 weeks have been some of the hardest of my life, but my baby is so worth it and I do feel like I have the hang of it now where I was floundering before.

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 10:29 am

      You are def not a failure. I think it takes a lot of courage to go against what you’e been saying and thinking for 9 months and TRUST your gut! I am 100% sure you did the right thing for you.

      Reply
  • Bernadette January 17, 2012, 10:28 am

    You will be absolutely FINE!! Y

    There is just no way to really prepare for what motherhood does to your heart, body, mind and soul besides going into it with your heart open and an open mind! You’ve done BOTH. I say your ready!!

    As for the childbirth I have 3 kids and I will agree with what they say: EVERY BIRTH IS DIFFERENT. All 3 of mine were different. I had a natural the first time, an emergency C the 2nd and a planned C for the 3rd. I will say that the 2 most important things in a natural birth are #1 the desire and #2 the coach!!! I’ve coached both my sisters (2x each) and even the sissy of the family delivered 2 naturally!!

    You will do great and I can’t wait to come along for the ride :)

    xoxo

    Reply
  • Juani January 17, 2012, 10:29 am

    I agree with you that people tend to be very insensitive towards pregnant women,but you have to admit,there are lots of things connected to pregnancy that aren’t wonderful,and after you have your baby,you will most likely wonder why nobody ever told you about those symptoms.

    Also,I think a lot of the time people aren’t trying to be mean,but rather they are trying to make it sound as horrible as possible,so that when you have that baby in your hands,you are prepared for the worst,but most likely getting nothing nearly as bad as all the predictions (re. never sleeping again,dirty house forever,etc.)

    Reply
    • KT January 17, 2012, 10:42 am

      I am somewhat like this! I like to hear all the bad stuff so that I have no surprises… when I was getting married a lot of friends would tell me the brutal truth about the tough things in marriage. I was grateful. I think that sometimes people really want to inpart knowledge that they have (because they have the experience) on you to help you out and it can seem negative.

      Not saying that everything should be all negative all the time, but in my opinion if someone has already done something I’m about to do, I am all ears to the good and bad of what they have to say because they have 100% more experience with it than I do.

      Kind of like the law school example above, a lot of attorneys know that right now is the worst time to borrow money to go to law school unless you are graduating top of your class at a top tier law school (because of poor job prospects and the ratio of income:loans) so they want to help people out and maybe aid in stopping a possibly poor choice. I don’t think they mean to be negative (while I am sure some might) but if you know the ugly truth sometimes you just wanna tell it to help a sister out.

      Just another perspective. Congrats on the pregnancy though and I am sure you’ll be great!

      Reply
  • Kaylee January 17, 2012, 10:30 am

    I felt the same way when I was pregnant! (My daughter is now 5 months old) I just could not believe all the negative things people would say to me…You’ll never sleep again-to which I would reply, like I’m sleeping good now? I’m pregnant!, or Your house well never be clean again-Oh, that won’t be a problem, I never keep my house clean anyways!, WOW are you sure there aren’t 2 in there? Yes, I just have a perfectly healthy growing baby inside my uterus! and on and on and on…it got to the point that I would either say something snippy or walk away. Just because they had that experience didn’t mean I would. You can’t really do anything about them, but I made a promise to myself that I would only give positive encouraging advice to other pregnant women or parents I came in contact with. I think really hard about what I am saying and make sure it will lift them up, not make them even more stressed than they already are.

    Reply
  • Lauri January 17, 2012, 10:33 am

    People (especially strangrs!) think they can say anything they want to a pregnant woman. And it doens’t stop after the baby arrives! I had a stranger at CVS ask me three times if i was sure there was “only one in there???” when I told them my due date was still 3 months away (and I really was not big! Gained less than 30 lbs total) I also had a VP at my job look at me in horro when she asked if my then 2 year old was in day care/preschool and I told her yes, he was – all day. “All day?? everyday?? At 2 years old?” Um, yes, don’t you see me here at work everyday? To each their own!

    I have friends who also make having a child seem like a chore, that life is NEVER the same and you can’t do anything anymore, etc. I never portray it that way. life is never the same, but in an amazing way. You can switch off with your spouse to have alone time, guys/girls nights out, go to the gym, etc. There are people called babysitters! And friends willing to help out so you can have a date night. Incorporate your baby into your life, don’t see it as an obstaclae to having one!

    Reply
  • Jessica January 17, 2012, 10:35 am

    Hi Caitlin,

    This is only my second time commenting but I’ve been reading for a while. (I am a friend of FFF Ali) I am a social worker so I’m speaking from prefessional and personal experience, I find that when people hear news that invovles change (even happy positive change) it makes them feel uncomfortable and their natural instinct is to point out the negative. If they address the worst case senario it’s almost like they are “protecting you” from the surprise.

    There are other times when people just like to point out that they know more, have been through more and are better than you. : ) Just kidding.

    Keep your positive attitude. This is your baby and your family and only you, HTP baby and hubs get to determine the outcome.

    Good Luck!!!

    ~Jessica

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 10:38 am

      Thanks for reading :) This is a very interesting observation and I think there is a LOT of truth it in!!!

      Reply
  • Irina Soares January 17, 2012, 10:39 am

    Dear Caitlin,

    i had to chuckle… your post is so preggo typical. I was just like you :) well, all these people are telling you all these things because they are true, however “non-helpful” they sound to you now, after all, you can not “bank” the sleep, right? Basically, It will not change your present outlook, and you have to be through it to really get it anyway, although I totally am with you on the negative birth stories – these should not be shared, especially without any prompting!

    here are my thoughts having now been on both sides of this barricade:

    you will have to function on ZERO to very LITTLE sleep and you will not really understand how you can until you just do. But do enjoy your nights now, the deprivation you are experiencing is not the same as compared to catering to the needs of a tiny human in the first 2 months (or more, depending on your baby). No amount of story telling is going to prepare your body to do it, but the amazing thing that it just happens, and you just get through it.

    you will gain whatever weight your body thinks it needs to gain, period. just go with it – it does come off fast after the birth, and you will be left with less than 10lbs to loose in the end, which is totally doable. Disclaimer: may not be the same for everyone, but usually the case for a reasonably healthy eater and regular exerciser.

    birthing process… I am going to risk the wrath of all the mommies out there and say it: I do not get the fascination with the actual birth in this society… no doubt, it is a very momentous event, etc but it is just one finite point in time. All this preparation and endless discussions about birth, all these expectations, birth plans, etc…. honestly, the time should be better spent learning on how to care for the newborn, read their cues, breastfeeding (it is not as intuitive and natural as it is cracked up to be but beautiful), figuring out the right things to buy, how to get them to sleep, what is refux, etc, etc, etc. You only birth for a few days (or hours if you are lucky) and have a TON of help though the birth process, but you take your baby home forever and you are mostly alone with his/her needs and all. That is when the work REALLY starts.

    enjoy your first pregnancy, there will never be a time like you are having now, enjoy the time with you hubby, enjoy the evenings on the couch and the last time in the foreseeable future when you can do what you want. It is the greatest joy to do what the baby wants, they are little angels and you just want to spend all your waking outs with them, but it will be a totally different chapter in your life, so enjoy closing the “no kids” chapter so that you can happily soak up the new “life” when the time comes without wistfully thinking back on your life pre-kiddos.

    best of luck – you will be a wonderful mom!

    Reply
    • Sarah January 17, 2012, 8:30 pm

      All of this. Exactly.

      Reply
    • Fuzzy February 9, 2012, 1:21 pm

      A thousand times YES to everything she just said.

      Reply
  • Lisa January 17, 2012, 10:40 am

    You don’t know me at all, but I feel like I know you a little — so here goes my two cents:

    Parenthood is AMAZING!!! EVERYthing about it is AMAZING!!! We are so blessed to be able to have these beautiful little humans in our lives and we should try our very hardest to appreciate EVERY single moment of it!

    Even on the most challenging days, if you just step back and look at your child(ren) and all the wonder in their eyes, the genuine happiness in their laughter, the pureness in their love — it is so amazing it can take your breath away.

    We should all be wishing that we could be more like these sweet little souls, instead of bitching about how they’ve change our lives/bodies/sex lives – blah blah blah!

    Caitlin — you’re gonna love it — and whatever changes come, they’ll all be worth it tenfold!!!

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 10:42 am

      :) love to read a positive thought about parenthood :) Thank you!!!!!!

      Reply
  • Regina January 17, 2012, 10:41 am

    A friend gave birth at home with a midwife. She was in labor a long time and in a lot of pain, but made it without drugs and everyone was fine. She didn’t complain much about pain and after the birth, there wasn’t much discussion of it. As you know, it can be done if you decide to do it. I think a lot of the negativity from others comes down to a simple case of Misery Loves Company or ‘I can’t do it, so I’m going to attack you for even trying’.
    Best wishes to you and your family.

    Reply
  • nette January 17, 2012, 10:46 am

    I agree!! Bad birth stories are the worst! I had two children and it was empowering. No drugs!! If you can run a marathon you can give birth you will be great at it!!!

    Reply
  • Megan January 17, 2012, 10:53 am

    God, these are all so true! People absolutely LOVE to give you their two cents – scratch that, they love to give you a $100 dollars worth – of advice when you’re pregnant. I’m not 40 weeks + 4 days, and it hasn’t stopped; in fact, it’s worse now than before because now I get to hear all of the ways to induce labor (none of which have worked for me, btw).

    I also hated when people told me, “You know all of that running and fun stuff you do now? Well, you can just kiss that goodbye once that baby’s born.” Despite that, I have 13 races planned for this year.

    Ok, rant over :)

    Reply
    • Megan January 17, 2012, 10:54 am

      Oops, that should be “I’m now 40 weeks + 4 days”, not “I’m not”

      Reply
  • BRANDALYN January 17, 2012, 10:55 am

    I think a lot of what people say is true, you are going to be more tired than you ever have been, you are not going to have the time/desire as much as you did before and all the other things. I don’t however believe any of those things are negative it’s just the way people percieve them to be. A child is a blessing and you will have this wonderful bundle that makes up for whatever “negative” thing that you might go through. I would respond to the comments and say, but wasn’t it all worth it once you had your baby! I think it’s all how you percieve things even the comments that you are getting you can take them in a negative way or you can turn it around into something positive.

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 10:58 am

      Oh, great comment and perspective!

      Reply
  • Candice January 17, 2012, 10:58 am

    #1- They are only tits, as in- two bags of fat that hang on your body, so NBD what happens to them. Maybe your fun bags will be a little more “fun”. Your husband will love ‘em anyway.

    #2- Caitlin, you guys are going to be the coolest, most badass parents ever. You are going to raise a wonderful child. End of story. All of the other stuff is meaningless.

    #3- Your kid is going to have two awesome dog-lings (sib-dogs?) to love on and grow up with.

    Dr. Seuss had it right- “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 10:59 am

      Thank you Candice : )

      Reply
  • Katie January 17, 2012, 10:59 am

    Love this :)

    Reply
  • Christie January 17, 2012, 11:01 am

    It blows my mind that you’ve gotten lots of negative comments! Especially someone mentioning possible miscarriage- crazy! Sure, you’ll probably get a little less sleep and maybe less one-on-one time with the husband, but you’ll love every minute! Being a parent is wonderful and an absolute blessing. You will definitely get your body back because you’re an athlete and dedicated to fitness and taking care of yourself. Shoot- you might even look better after baby! ;)
    To be honest, I think some people with positive pregnancy stories hold them back (me being one of them) because others who have had negative stories may roll their eyes and dislike you, thinking you’re rubbing it in. That is always my fear anyway. I had a wonderful pregnancy, great birth experience, and have loved everyday with my family. I hope you’ll continue to be positive, surround yourself with positive people and enjoy every minute of your pregnancy, the birth itself and having a baby come into your lives.
    GOOD LUCK! =)

    Reply
  • Lauren January 17, 2012, 11:01 am

    Why not say the anatomically accurate “breasts” instead of “tits”?

    Reply
    • amanda January 17, 2012, 11:21 am

      i agree. also, “tits” is nearly always employed as a derogatory term for women’s breasts. since this blog works to champion self-esteem for women, it would be nice to see a more mature picture of sexual identity.

      good luck on your pregnancy!

      Reply
  • marci January 17, 2012, 11:01 am

    I hear a lot of stupid comments too, but you just have to decide to ignore them. I think most people saying them are jealous or trying to project negativity. When someone’s views differ from mine, I try to think to myself “Good for you!”

    Reply
  • Emily January 17, 2012, 11:04 am

    “Love is about going out of your way to say something positive and supportive, even if you know your friend’s tits are going to hit the ground after breastfeeding.”

    Thank you for this reminder. I’ve caught myself sounding kind of negative about a friend’s upcoming surgery by constantly having a “yeah, but . . .” or “what if . . .” reaction to information because I thought I was being helpful by being more practical or grimly grounded, but you’re totally right because in the end, they don’t feel supported by me and I’m really just afraid they’ll be disappointed by the results or that it will fall through.

    Reply
  • Laura O. January 17, 2012, 11:04 am

    People do this with EVERYTHING!! Not pregnant yet, but it took people approximately 5 seconds to start with the negativity when they heard my fiance and I were purchasing a house. “Oh, welcome to being a real adult” or “Wait until something needs to be fixed, just wait” or “wait until that first mortgage payment is due.” Like can’t people just say congrats, good luck and move about their business?? Thankfully, we’re doing good but it gave me so much anxiety at first!

    Reply
    • Erin @ Big Girl Feats January 17, 2012, 11:54 am

      I feel the SAME exact way! I think many major changes in life bring about people’s negative experiences. I’ve never been pregnant, but I am getting closer to marriage with my boyfriend and have seen most of my close friends go through marriage and babies in the past few years. I’m shocked at how many people have said to my friends “Don’t do it!” and then proceeded to tell them awful stories about divorce, miscarriage, etc. I think some of it is a need to share gossip/stories and some of it is just other people pooping on other’s happiness. I’ve been very aware of how I relate to other people’s happy news because of this!

      Reply
    • Charise January 18, 2012, 8:55 am

      Ugh, I agree! I like to call it the “you’ll seeeeeees!”. People want to point out the possible negatives and project their own experiences onto yours about EVERYTHING. I’m not anywhere close to being pregnant, but I’ve gotten such negative feedback when I got engaged/married, bought a house (and people somehow forgot that I’d already owned a condo, so I wasn’t entirely new to home ownership anyhow), went back to grad school, chose to do lots of traveling, etc.
      Thankfully, I’ve got a positive outlook on life – even with the bad stuff, it is worth it for the good, etc. – and also understand that people are dealing with their own issues that cause them to act that way. (Example: our friend who told us we were no longer going to be able to do our 4-hours-away season football tickets or all the little trips we like to take bc we’d spend all our weekends doing house and yard work. Um, no, I understand you get frustrated and down on life because your wife insists on that, but we’ve made the choice to prioritize those fun things and figure out how to get the house crap done other times.)

      Reply
  • Allison January 17, 2012, 11:05 am

    My first reaction to this is “What kind of friends do you have?” Maybe I have blocked it out, but I don’t remember anyone making particularly negative comments when I was pregnant with my kids. So I will just say this, my children are a wonderful joy! Maybe not 24/7 but enough to make up for the times they aren’t. I did natural child birth with both kids (my son was 9lbs 7 oz). Yes, it hurts, but I did it twice, so how bad could it be? And yesterday was a holiday and neither of my kids got out of bed until 9:00! (They are 8 and 11, not teenagers). I am not saying the first couple of years aren’t a little rough, but they go by so quickly. Children are a wonderful blessing and I couldn’t imagine a day without mine.

    Reply
  • Emily January 17, 2012, 11:07 am

    I much prefer the positive too. I mean, why not? Comes back down to love v fear again, I guess. People fear about so much and worry for the worst. My brother once warned me of how bad something was going to be, and I found I had to work really hard to crawl out from that negative “hangover” to get to my own experience and feelings. That negativity put a lot of distance between us too.
    What I really value are my friends & also all the blogs out there – like this one! – who do tell it like it is, but who bring a positive attitude to it too.

    Reply
  • Amy January 17, 2012, 11:07 am

    I’m not pregnant, but I really appreciated the part of your post about the negative comments regarding healthy lifestyle changes. I’m definitely going through this right now as I’m trying very hard to make healthy eating and exercise (running & yoga) a significant priority in my life. It seems like I could tell people I was going out partying like a rockstar everynight and they wouldn’t bat an eye. But, tell them I’m training for a race or actually love my 6 am yoga class, and the “oh, you’ll burn out” comments start rolling in. I try to flip these comments and use them as motivation, but sometimes it is very frustrating! That’s one of the reasons I really like your blog. I just found it recently (by way of eat.live.run) and find your healthy journey to be very inspirational!

    Reply
  • Jenn January 17, 2012, 11:10 am

    Wow! I’m sorry you’ve had so many negative comments. I had 2 wonderful pregnancies. I was so lucky to feel good both times, I exercised throughout both, and I had good babies. But, even if I would have had troubles, that’s NOT what an expectant mom wants to hear! Sheesh!!
    Yes, your life will change, but wouldn’t it anyway? It will be a wonderful experience, and you and your hubby will have the best times of your lives going through each stage!
    I’m happy to hear all your “positive” stories!!
    Jenn

    Reply
  • Vikki January 17, 2012, 11:11 am

    Remember most people mean well…They want you to be prepared for the reality of having children which often isn’t what you think it is going to be. None of the parents I know would trade in their children for their old life. But none of them them were actually prepared for teething, the exploding diapers, the baby that wouldn’t breastfeed, the gassy baby, the kid that refused to sleep, etc. From what I’ve observed, the most important trait a parent can have is adaptability.

    Reply
  • Mama Phrass January 17, 2012, 11:13 am

    I always told people that the worst part about pregnancy and parenthood is exactly what you’re describing: the negative stories. I always wanted to retort while pregnant, “Shit, you mean it is going to be hard? I guess I’ll just have to give up.”

    Ya know, parenthood is difficult, sure, but it is all about attitude and adaptation in my opinion. Just this morning my toddler crawled into bed with me long before I was prepared to wake up but we had the best morning giggle fit ever. I’d rather focus on the giggles than the lack of sleep.

    As somebody who struggled a bit (though not as much as some people) to conceive, I promised myself never to be a negative-nancy parent. People constantly tell me that I’m just lucky to have a “good” or an “easy” kid and that may be true…but I kind of like to think that I’m lucky to have a good attitude and some perspective.

    Reply
  • Sarah January 17, 2012, 11:16 am

    Funny part is that those Negative Nancy’s are the SAME EFFING ONES that give you a hard time about NOT having kids yet.

    I have seen the same relatives turn to me and say something like, “you’re an attractive couple, why no kids yet?”… then they turn to my pregnant sister in law and tell her something awful about motherhood. Darned if you do, darned if you don’t.

    ps Real Simple this month has a great advice column about how it’s extremely rude to ask someone’s due date. Rude, along the same lines as “how much money do you make” and “what’s your religion”.

    Reply
  • Corrie Anne January 17, 2012, 11:17 am

    Thanks for that. I love it. I really do. I’m planning to have a baby someday, and hearing all those types of comments to and from my friends has really.. scared me a little. You’re awesome for sharing and being a good example.

    Reply
  • Debbie January 17, 2012, 11:18 am

    My son is 21. I just put him on the plane to go back to college and cried all the way home. I don’t remember anything negative about pregnancy, childbirth, etc. Hold close and enjoy every single moment, they fly by. Nothing I have ever done in my life has brought me more joy than my child! :)

    Reply
  • Anna January 17, 2012, 11:19 am

    it’s all true! People should subscribe to the ‘if you can’t say anything nice…” but they don’t — especially not with pregnancy/childbirth/kids.

    I have an 8 month old — I had a easy pregnancy, 4 hour labor (all natural, not even ibuprofen), and i have a mellow baby who’s pretty happy all the time. I’ve exclusively breastfed (i.e. no bottle and no pacifier) and co-slept since the beginning. People ask about having baby #2 (we would like to!) but sex? nah. overrated at this point. ;-) saggy boobs? yeah, they are not like they used to be but I’m pretty proud of my body. Weight gain from baby? Oh yeah – 25 lbs that has no desire to leave. Is it worth it? Every second of every day.

    My mom friends and I do so sort of mock soon-to-be moms (think of it like HS freshmen) who are all nursery matching, researching the best pack and play, and making all these plans for how it’ll be (childbirth, baby raising, schedules, etc) because it’s comical — since we were ALL like that and so little of it matters now and we followed almost none of our intended plans.

    Reply
  • Lori January 17, 2012, 11:20 am

    Glad you are able to ignore all the negativity. Yes, having kids changed my life. For the better. I would not trade them for anything. Best thing to every happen to me was becoming a mom. Now if I could just slow time down a little as they are growing up way too fast…

    Reply
  • Kelli Noel January 17, 2012, 11:22 am

    Hi Caitlin!
    I’ve never left a comment on your posts before, but I had to comment on this one because I this is by far my favorite post you’ve ever done. I am far from your situation (20 years old and a distance runner in college), but I think everyone can relate to the negativity you’ve encountered. I love this “forget you” attitude that you can have while simultaneously trying to be understanding. You’re going to be a great mother! And that’s saying something if I can tell by the topics you discuss on HTP.

    Best Wishes!
    Kelli

    Reply
  • Melissa January 17, 2012, 11:22 am

    Ignore the negativity! Its absoloutely life changing when you bring a child into the world. I too did both of my births natural. Did it hurt, hell yes it did…but it was one of the best experiences of my life and I wouldn’t have traded it for the world. I had friends tell me I was crazy to not get an epidural right away. To each their own. You will do what’s best for you!

    Reply
  • Sandy January 17, 2012, 11:29 am

    Motherhood is nothing you ever expected~it’s the hardest job you’ll ever have…BUT..it’s the most Wonderful job I’ve ever had..my two girl’s are 22 and 16..they are the best thing that has ever happend to me..I would do it all over again for them..Unconditional Love…

    Reply
  • Anna January 17, 2012, 11:29 am

    PS – I think the word ‘tits’ is a poor use of language – I think it can be perceived as degrading since it stems from women wearing “titillating costumes” that allows men to sexualize and objectify them. Not cool for an author focusing on teen girls self-esteem.

    Reply
  • Maureen January 17, 2012, 11:30 am

    I have a 3 1/2 year old and parenthood has been the single greatest joy of my entire life. My daughter was 9 1/2 pound when born and my labor was 36 hours, but you know what it wasn’t that bad…..honestly. I look back at that time and am so darn proud of what I did over those two days, and in the years since my daughter has been born.

    Do you sleep less than before? Absolutely, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing it means you get to have early morning cuddle time with a newborn or morning baking every weekend with my toddler (who still doesn’t sleep past 6). But that to me is just my new “normal” and I wouldn’t change it for anything. It’s not all rainbows and roses, some days will be challenging. But I just choose to look at the big picture and not that one difficult tantrum, moment or day. As others have said above it’s all about perspective and I just choose to think of parenthood as the greatest joy I’ve ever been able to experience.

    Now that I’m pregnant with number 2 I’ve been lucky that I haven’t dealt with too much negativity, but that which I have heard I just let “go in one ear and out the other” as my mother would say.

    You (and your husband) will do just great because you will choose what is best for your family and ultimately you choose how you want to accept the changes.

    Reply
  • Jess January 17, 2012, 11:32 am

    UGH thank heavens you said this! my husband and i have this conversation ALWAYS! Why are people SO quick to point out the negative (ex: you will never sleep again) BUT how about this will be an AMAZING change to your life, the best thing you will ever do, etc. OY! cant stand it. I am 7 months preg and seriously it has been so since day 1. re: the weight you will never win either. someone either thinks you are too thin and something is wrong with baby (not gaining enough weight) or too “puffy” the next day. hmmmm- anyway wrote a post thought you might like re: my exercize while preg where I actually talk abut running in the pool, as running on land became uncomfortable VERY quickly ;) click over if ya want ;) http://upsanddownes.com/2012/01/14/exercising-while-pregnant/

    Reply
  • Erin B January 17, 2012, 11:35 am

    A happy parenting thought. I have a 4yo and an 8mo. I am a SAHM. At night when I’m nursing my daughter for the last time of the day she smells different. It is honey. It’s the smell of my husband’s lip stuff. Both of the kid’s heads smell like it from all the kisses he gives them when he’s home in the evenings. Honey will never smell the same to me again.

    These are the moments that you have to look forward to!
    Congratulations!

    Reply
    • Maureen January 17, 2012, 1:05 pm

      These is one of the sweetest things I’ve heard in a long time!

      Reply
  • Jamie January 17, 2012, 11:37 am

    Look on the bright side…if everyone were super positive and told you all the really good things about parenthood and none of the bad then the first few weeks with a newborn would seem unnecessarily hard…but when you’re already expecting and prepared for all the hard things like sleep deprivation and bodily fluids that you would not be ok with for ANYONE else…you can focus on all the good things like the way they hold their hands when they sleep or the way the top of their head smells just so ridiculously good…I think our loved ones just don’t want us to be surprised by the difficult things so that we can instead be surprised by all the WONDERFUL things…

    Reply
  • Michelle January 17, 2012, 11:38 am

    Of the moms I know, the ones who seem to have that balance are the ones who don’t sugarcoat the other aspects of parenthood. A la, its the same parents that tell me “Seriously – how did I get such cool kids?!” also tell me “I love my children, but I need a night off.”

    It seems like those who don’t feel they can be honest about needing a night off or not enjoying their kid right then b/c of the screaming stage its in etc, from holding it in and forcing a smile all the time – its probably the only time they feel like they can say those things, so they burst that pent up negative bubble all over you (which totally sucks). (Did you see Sex and the City 2? I imagine so many of are Charlotte-esq situation.)

    Reply
    • Katie January 17, 2012, 11:44 am

      I totally agree Michelle! I’ve seen the same thing with some of my friends. The ones who let the “mommy guilt” take over and neglect themselves are often who are most negative about parenting.

      Reply
  • Jen C. January 17, 2012, 11:40 am

    You know what? Pregnancy, labor, delivery and being a parent are hard, but they are what you make of them. My only complaint during pregnancy was the non-stop need to pee and I quickly figured out which stores had the cleanest bathrooms which helped me plan my route of errands to run! Labor and delivery are hard, but you get a fantastic “prize” at the end. Being a parent, especially a new and sleep deprived one is hard, but watching my daughter learn something new every day is amazing. She really does learn something almost every day. In the past week she has started reaching for us, reaching for the dogs, grabbing the fur of one of our dogs, blowing raspberries, and has found her feet that she grabs for immediately as soon as her diaper comes off. The negative people think they are helping, but they really aren’t!

    Reply
  • Katie January 17, 2012, 11:41 am

    This is so true! I am almost 16 weeks pregnant and I hate getting those reactions. The “sleep now b/c you’ll never sleep again” is really the one that drives me insane. As if the parent saying it to you wants you to realize that you just have no idea what you’re getting yourself into (ha ha sucka!). Plus, if someone has figured out how to “bank” sleep, please by all means- let me know! I could have used that in college! ;)

    We’re also hoping for a med-free birth and its often something I just don’t even bother sharing (unless I really know the person) b/c I don’t feel like hearing how I’m crazy for considering it.

    I’ve even gotten a few comments about how I should stop working out b/c it’s the one time in life that I can justify sitting on my butt and eating whatever I want. Ummm…no way! If anything, baby deserves better food and more healthy, safe exercise! Sheesh!

    Thanks for this post- it really hit home! I do treasure the friends in my life who positively encourage me!

    Reply
  • Rebecca @ Naturally Healthy and Gorgeous January 17, 2012, 11:48 am

    I think it’s great that you are focusing on the positive…you are bringing a miracle into the world!

    Reply
  • Ashley January 17, 2012, 11:48 am

    Excellent topic! I almost always find that when there are people around me who are doing this, in any context (fitness, health, weight loss, going back to school, deciding to start a family, deciding NOT to start a family, etc.) that these negative responses are more a reflection of the person saying them and really have nothing to do with me/you/us. Sometimes people are envious that you are brave enough to take a chance that they might be afraid to. Or have issues that we are not even aware of. And this is projected as negativity. It really sucks, but when I realized this, and started considering these encounters from this perspective, I found that they really didn’t bother me so much anymore.

    Reply
  • Claire January 17, 2012, 11:50 am

    I can’t believe people say things like that to your face! I think for the lighter (less mean) comments about the no sleep/sex/etc the best response might be to just say “oh, you’re right, I hadn’t thought of that! It’s not too late to send it back right? It’s been less than twenty weeks, do you think they’ll give me cash or I’ll have to get a charge back on my card?”

    Maybe then it might occur to them how ridiculous their comments are!

    Reply
  • Ginna January 17, 2012, 11:57 am

    I totally understand! I am 26 weeks along and luckily haven’t had too many rude comments but man am I waiting for them so I can react.:) I think alot of pregnancies are unplanned and maybe those are the women who complain the most. I also hate when pregnant women complain all the time. All the time. I understand pregnancy is different for every woman but being on the side of infertility has made me appreciate this process so much more. I feel so blessed to even be pregnant and I make it a point not to complain or say negative things to other women. This is a very much planned pregnancy for my husband and I (IVF baby :)) and yes we know it will change our lives but I have yet to have a friend say it wasn’t all worth it!

    Reply
  • Kim January 17, 2012, 12:01 pm

    I watched a birth video yesterday where the mama kept saying, “I did it! I can’t believe I did it!” over and over and over. It was awesome and took me back to when I DID IT!! I like to think that people just talk about things that they didn’t expect to happen or were surprised to see what a difference pregnancy made to their bodies. That made an impact on them and they’re projecting that onto others but it’s completely about them, not you.

    Reply
  • Jamie January 17, 2012, 12:03 pm

    I remember getting a lot of those comments when I was pregnant too. I was already so scared- I was 23, still in college, not married, and not financially prepared. Then after I had my son, a lot of people had the nerve to ask me why I decided to keep him. I was shocked. I think you have a good attitude, and you will be fine. I have never regretted my son for a moment, and it is mostly fun. You have a great support system and you have had such a good pregnancy. You’re lucky and this will just be another adventure.

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 12:15 pm

      WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT. Crazyballs. I am glad you have a good relationship with your son!

      Reply
  • JenRD January 17, 2012, 12:04 pm

    I totally know what you mean! I heard the same thing all the time when I was pregnant. One thing I learned was to hang out around grandparents more (and not just your own). I work in a doctor’s office, where our patients are primarily older. They are soooooo in love with babies and have such fond memories of parenthood, and grandparenthood. Sure, maybe they have blocked out some of the bad memories, but at least it is some refreshing positivity!
    And, I have to add, that I am 4 months into parenthood, and it is AMAZING. Sure, it is tough, but really, do we want to go through life unchallenged? It makes me want to be a better person, to be a better parent and role model.
    AND, it makes me want to continue to be fit and stay in shape, especially since I am breastfeeding (it is important to me what goes in my body). I lost all but 5 lbs of the pregnancy weight in 2 months, before I even really got back into exercise; the last 5 lbs came off over the past 2 months once I started exercising a few days a week. Now I get the negative Nellies asking me how I could have lost the weight so quickly, HA. Can’t win!

    Jen

    Reply
  • Army Amy* January 17, 2012, 12:04 pm

    Like many other commenters have pointed out, people tend to make negative comments about lots of big changes in life. I know that I heard a lot of negativity when my husband deployed. “Oh, I hope they don’t send him to that village, it’s really dangerous.” As if I have any control over where the Army sends my husband.

    Not to mention, I spend a good chunk of my days with some pretty negative people. It was really starting to get to me, and I even thought about confronting them, but I decided to instead focus on me. I can control how I react, and I am in charge of my happiness. I hope that you are able to stay positive in the face of the naysayers!*

    Reply
  • Allison January 17, 2012, 12:06 pm

    Hey Caitlin,
    I don’t comment much, but read your blog everyday religiously. I really, really love this post, and it totally made me smile on a day of negativity that could have taken me down. It’s SO important to focus on the positive, in every aspect of life. Thanks so much for reminding me of that, you are amazing and truly an inspiration in so many ways!

    Oh, and you are the most gorgeous pregnant woman ever! Ya, so boobs may get saggy after the baby, but anyone with your positive light and energy is truly beautiful no matter what. Be proud of that little miracle growing inside you you and every glorious change it will bring to your life :)

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 12:15 pm

      Thank you so much Allison, both for reading and for such a sweet comment.

      Reply
  • Charity January 17, 2012, 12:13 pm

    I totally understand the doomsdayer’s negative comments and how tiring and draining they get. I’ve learned which of my friends are going to be supportive and which are just to much work to try and filter out what they are saying. So I pick and choose who I talk to what about.

    Reply
  • Jen January 17, 2012, 12:18 pm

    We are about to go “public” next week with our baby news, and we are preparing for the ‘negative nancies’. Of the few people that we have told, one commented not to let people tell you what to do and then he proceeded to critize our plan such a natural birth and a midwife. Really people, just be happy for us.

    I seem to remember similar things when we were planning our wedding too! Comments like : ‘It’s too much work just elope”, “Life is going to change so much”, etc. I just ignored them…

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 12:19 pm

      CONGRATSSSSSSSSSS

      Reply
  • Kris @ tryingtotri January 17, 2012, 12:19 pm

    Sadly, it doesn’t end. The judgements people make! You need to do what you feel is right for you. I’m a mom of 3, including 2 teenagers… and it can be hard, and infuriating, and make you crazy. But then your baby hugs you and tells you he loves you, or your teenager does something thoughtful and makes you smile – and it’s worth it. :)

    (and if you choose not to breastfeed, be prepared to be criticized by EVERYONE…. seriously).

    Reply
  • Annette @ EnjoyYourHealthyLife January 17, 2012, 12:24 pm

    You either choose to be happy or you don’t. Those negative people are CHOOSING to be unhappy–that’s their problem not yours!

    Everything has its ups and downs (marriage does too), but it is always worth it in the end if it is a GOOD thing :) Good things come from God, and that is how we can feel happy. We usually choose to be unhappy when we start to compare to anything and anyone. Don’t let your friends decide your mood–you’re amazing! ANd SO cool that you want kids!! :)

    B-fast looks awesome, btw

    Reply
  • Kelly January 17, 2012, 12:24 pm

    Ugh. I TOTALLY AGREE!! People say to us “trust me, you don’t want kids”. REALLY?? What if someone had said that to YOU before YOU had kids?? Where do these negative nancies come from?!!?

    Well – just know that I am THRILLED for you and am excited for your journey. You are an inspiration and will no doubt continue to be one.

    Reply
  • Chelsea January 17, 2012, 12:28 pm

    I haaaate people who always look toward the negative things! You’re going to be a great mom and that’s all that matters <3 People should be wishing the best for you guys right now not hoping for the worst.

    Reply
  • Joanna January 17, 2012, 12:31 pm

    Can I just take this post and put it on my blog when I get pregnant? Sheesh, the nerve of some people. I can’t believe some of the things that people say! This really pisses me off. I am a newlywed and people would say stuff about marriage all the time..of course mostly negative. I was buying a wedding magazine and even the lady at the checkout said I shouldn’t do it….back out now…blah blah. I was shocked because she was dead serious!
    My thing is, to each his own.

    Reply
  • Heather January 17, 2012, 12:36 pm

    Here’s to seeking the positive! Caitlin, I love reading your blog. The positive energy you send out is something I look forward to, thank you. As a mother of three, I will say that it’s the best thing I’ve ever done, hardest, yes, but best. You are going to be an amazing mom & I’m enjoying watching your pregnancy.

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 1:22 pm

      Thank you for reading Heather :) I appreciate it.

      Reply
  • Stacey January 17, 2012, 12:37 pm

    For the record, having a baby has been the best decisions my husband and I could have ever made. My daughter has made me whole and given my life new meaning (and she’s a mere 8 months old!). Enjoy every minute of it (minus the negative comments)…

    Reply
  • Erica January 17, 2012, 12:41 pm

    I hated that too- drove me nuts! All I can say about labor is you will know whats right for you when you’re doing it! Honestly…everyone will feel differently, have different preferences and you will know what is right for YOU. Don’t listen to haters :). And yes, kids are tough…if anyone goes into pregnancy thinking, oh, gee…this is going to be easy…well thats just ridiculous. Is it harder than I thought it was going to be? At times. Is it better than I thought it was going to be? YES! Heart you girl. Ignore crazy people

    Reply
  • Kerry January 17, 2012, 12:41 pm

    I couldn’t agree more. Peoples perspective on life seems to be inherently positive or negative and I’d rather be around the positive ones, and be a positive one. People who do nothing but moan about their lives all the time are just so sad. Most of them live privileged lives, with enough food to eat, jobs, and loved ones and they don’t realise how lucky they are!

    And what the hell is wrong with those people telling you you could have a miscarriage? WTF? Anyone could get hit by a bus at any point but you don’t go around shouting it from the rooftops. Horrible people.

    Reply
  • Laura January 17, 2012, 12:45 pm

    Seriously, this is why I am so afraid to have kids someday. Aside from the actual scary whatifs, its all the crap that people will say! I have so many friends that are making these decisions and it scares me! And hearing people talk about the decisions that other people have made and how negative they are. Seriously, if I ever get pregnany I’m going into a bubble with my computer so I can do my research and not talk to people.

    And who the hell tells someone that they might have a miscarriage?

    Dang it, I got fired up.

    I’m slowly learning that people deal with their own issues by pushing them on to you. If they aren’t happy with their life, then they tell you that you will not be happy with yours.

    Reply
  • amber January 17, 2012, 12:45 pm

    I have a 5 month old baby boy who is my entire world. When I told people I was going to have a natural water birth, I received the same responses that you got, “you’re gonna want drugs, AND an episiotomy!” It drove me nuts and caused me to doubt myself.

    In the end, I had an amazing water birth with NO drugs and I felt like superwoman after! Yes it was painful, but I just got in the right mindset and pushed my little guy out all on my own in 25 minutes :) Focusing on breathing and counting to myself definitely helped get through each contraction.

    I really think that staying active with spin classes and body pump helped me have such a quick and easy labor. You will have no problems, I just know it!

    Reply
  • Khushboo January 17, 2012, 12:49 pm

    I love your positive energy! I try to only surround myself with positive people, negative people add no value to my life and I refuse to give others the power to get me down!

    Reply
  • Amanda @ AmandaRunsNY January 17, 2012, 12:49 pm

    I love that you blog about your pregnancy and I know that by doing that you are openly inviting commentary on it, but one thing about pregnancy that has always annoyed me is other people’s willingness to give advice. It’s like once you decide to get knocked up your body and healthy choices become part of the public domain and everyone from the stranger in the grocery store to the dry cleaning lady wants to give their ten cents. And, also everyone likes to touch your belly. I have no idea how I’ll handle this but I’m so impressed that you are so open to comments and suggestions on your blog. I’ve told you a bunch that I love reading about it even though I’m light years away from my own baby experience.

    Reply
  • Aria January 17, 2012, 12:54 pm

    Such a good post!! I hate it when people say things like that…obviously you and your hubby know life is going to be different but it will be a great thing for your little family! My friends who have children all say that yes, there are those days that you want to rip your hair out, but that they ultimately love being a parent. You and your husband are going to do great :)

    Reply
  • Meghan @ CarmanClan January 17, 2012, 1:01 pm

    Omg I hate when everyone tells me, enjoy it now your life will change, and yeah right you want an epidural (I plan to go drug free as well). I have started tuning people out because everyone is different and I know I am stronger then they are.

    Reply
  • Rosa - Fitness Food Fulfilled January 17, 2012, 1:03 pm

    I can’t believe people say that stuff to you! I mean, we pregnant mommies aren’t going into this thing blind and we’ve heard tons of stories, but we’re still choosing to have a baby. Support THAT decision!
    Luckily, I haven’t encountered much negativity yet through my pregnancy (20 weeks) but I’m just waiting for the comments I’ll get about continuing to run while pregnant or the way that I choose to raise our son after he’s born. But he’s me and my husband’s baby and we’ll make the choices and deal with any consequences. Anyone else can just keep their negative comments to themselves.

    Reply
  • Alison Sherwood January 17, 2012, 1:09 pm

    I’ll never forget my cousin telling me (when I was 35 weeks along) how excited she was for what I was about to experience, that we’ll be going through the happiest, most amazing time of our lives. She described how hard it was being sleep deprived, but said no matter how cranky she is in the morning, when she sees her little boy’s joyful face and hears his high pitched voice saying “hi mama!” all her negativity melts right away. It was so nice to hear such honest and positive thoughts and it made me so excited for what was to come (and she was right – having a newborn is so amazing! But yes, I am tired, so enjoy your sleep :)

    Reply
  • Amy Q January 17, 2012, 1:09 pm

    I keep thinking about how lonely people without kids are compared to how always surrounded by love and laughs I am. It’s a choice some people make, but it could never be the choice for me. And that’s even coming from the mom of an almost 13 year old who gets a little snarky at times. If I added up all the worst moments (and there have been some STRUGGLES) to compare with just a few of the best moments — having kids would ALWAYS come out on top!

    Reply
  • Laura @ She Eats Well January 17, 2012, 1:09 pm

    I loved reading this post. So insightful and interesting. And, applicable to other experiences in life, besides pregnancy. What a fresh outlook you have, Caitlin. Thanks for keepin’ it real and keepin’ it positive.

    Reply
  • crystal January 17, 2012, 1:12 pm

    People are never more vocal then when criticizing your birth plan or parenting. Although part of that was probably why I had a natural birth and breastfed for so long. Yes, I wanted to so bad, but I also wasn’t going to let people say I told you so. And honestly, labor might not be that bad. Both of mine hurt, yeah, but it wasn’t too bad and recovery was a snap.

    Reply
  • Kathryn January 17, 2012, 1:18 pm

    I had two entirely unmedicated births in a hospital–and proved all those people who said I would be begging for an epidural WRONG! Also, my boobs are just fine after breastfeeding–I don’t know where the “saggy” myth came from. You can do it!

    Reply
    • Caitlin January 17, 2012, 1:23 pm

      Gives me hope :)

      Reply
  • Kristie January 17, 2012, 1:20 pm

    I’m expecting in June, and I’m getting lots of the same comments. At first it bothered me, but then I realized that these are the same people that tell you that your life will be ruined when you get married… “Enjoy life while you can, once you’re tied down you can’t go out and do anything fun anymore!” Guess what? Being married has been a lot of work, but it’s been fantastic. If parenthood is like that, I’m happy for it! Some people just have to be negative all the time. Just let it roll.
    I’ve also learned not to share certain things: my plan for a natural birth, using a midwife, and especially the name. I’d rather not give anyone the chance to voice their opinions on those things! Good luck!

    Reply
  • Lindsay January 17, 2012, 1:28 pm

    This honestly makes my blood boil.

    As an OB, I cannot think of anything more beautiful or empowering than a woman who’s body bears the mark of motherhood. Every stretch mark, scar, or under-eye circle should be worn with pride.

    Birth and parenting are not easy, but nothing that is truly worth it, ever is.

    I wish you every happiness in this pregnancy, you will be an amazing mother!

    Reply
  • Diana @ frontyardfoodie January 17, 2012, 1:29 pm

    Oh the negative people out there, will we ever escape them?

    I honestly think your life is altered by your perspective in either the positive or negative light you put on it.

    I know quite a few mothers who struggle with negativity and it makes them resent their motherhood or their children.

    As a mother of a 16 month old and a second on the way I have to say that the past two years (since I got pregnant with my first) have been the best and most fulfilling years of my life. Here and there I became overwhelmed (teething times, adjustment, etc) but even in those moments I never once regretted giving birth. It was the single most incredible experience I have every had. I did a natural birth with a midwife and I can tell you straight up, it’s not bad like everyone makes it out to be. It’s not scary, not overwhelming. Our culture has really skewed that. It’s intense, yes, but amazing.

    Reply
  • Brigid January 17, 2012, 1:35 pm

    I don’t understand why people are so prone to discussing the negatives. I have to stop myself from doing it sometimes, too (not about childbirth, as I’m not yet a parent, but about cancer in particular, having lost my stepmother to it a few years ago). But I do stop myself! It’s hard enough to do so many things in life; why should we feel compelled to make it worse for others? Despite the naysayers, I still can’t wait to become a parent and have the same kind of birth experience you’re planning. Your life is what you make of it.

    Reply
    • CaitlinHTP January 17, 2012, 2:17 pm

      I am really sorry about your step mom :(

      Reply
      • Brigid January 18, 2012, 1:47 pm

        Thank you. It’s been almost eight years now, and while I miss her, the wound isn’t so fresh, and it’s pretty easy to talk about. I appreciate your kindness, though.

        Reply
  • Laura January 17, 2012, 1:35 pm

    You took the words right out of my mouth. I’m not pregnant, or even close to… but when it comes to exercise I totally understand. My favourite comment is “oh, you’re sooo dedicated”. Like exercising 6 days a week is so hard or something (start somewhere… 30 mins a day!). Lifestyle change people… babies, exercise… whatever. Don’t drag me down because you’re not happy with your routine.

    Reply
  • Elizabeth January 17, 2012, 1:36 pm

    HELL YES, Caitlin. You wanted this change, so embrace it. My daughter (Charlotte!) is 19 months, and I am 9.5 weeks with our second. Whenever I have doubts about the speed at which life seems to be moving (or rather, I am making it move), I think about how I wanted these things, with all of my heart, and so they might as well be happening right now. The “they might as well be happening right now” part sounds a little wah-waah, I know, but it’s comforting to me because it acknowledges that yes, there are going to be challenges, but if I want the things I KNOW I want, then I have to embrace them sometime – might as well be now!

    Also – seeeriously, having a baby is not THAT hard. I mean, people do actually REALLY hard things in the world. I think one’s level of thoughtfulness about why they want to be a parent, and how they want to parent, and their overall universal goal in the world as a human, and their relationship with their spouse, etc. etc. etc. goes into happiness as a parent.

    Reply
    • CaitlinHTP January 17, 2012, 2:17 pm

      Haha love the point that some people do truly hard things :) Also, I love the name Charlotte and congrats on your pregnancy!

      Reply
  • Carly January 17, 2012, 1:36 pm

    I have to say, I am so shocked to hear this! I’m not pregnant and never have been, but every time I see or hear of someone who is pregnant I only think of POSITIVE things. What can be better than bringing a new life into this world? I am in awe of mothers to-be and new mothers. This morning at the gym there was a pregnant woman in our class and I was just so inspired by her. She kept up for the entire 60 minutes doing modifications when needed. So empowering! It’s too bad you’ve had so many ‘negative nancies’ in your experience so far. If you were to meet me, you’d likely hear me gush about how EXCITING this all is. Congratulations Caitlin!!!

    Reply
  • Krista January 17, 2012, 1:42 pm

    It really makes me so angry when I hear these negative comments. I battled infertility and am currently pregnant after IVF and when people say things like this to me I answer them with fighting words. I wish some people would just be grateful and think about the alternative. Telling someone I had IVF usually makes them stop and think. I have been following your blog and I too love to run unfortunately my doctor doesn’t allow it right before and after IVF. I enjoy your updates about your pregnancy, exercise and food. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • CaitlinHTP January 17, 2012, 2:18 pm

      Seriously. Good point. You never know if someone had an ‘easy’ pregnancy journey or not, so making insulting comments about kids could be EXTRA offensive.

      I am so glad you are pregnant! Off to check out your blog.

      Reply
  • Morgan January 17, 2012, 1:49 pm

    I hated this when I was pregnant! Here is some positivity for you, I breastfed my daughter for 14 months and my boobs look better now than they did before. I had a natural childbirth (unplanned) and it was easy and awesome, if I ever have another baby I will go natural again because it ended up being the best experience I never knew I wanted. Finally, having a baby is the most awesome thing ever, sure I wake up earlier, but my life is so much fuller and I have the best motivation to take care of myself. Don’t listen to the haters!

    Reply
  • peach January 17, 2012, 1:52 pm

    you’re preachin’ to the choir!
    maybe people who live a more “alternative” lifestyle hear the doomsday stuff more often. it is so frustrating. it’s almost like people want you to fail at whichever endeavor before even starting!
    now a positive story:
    my sister went two weeks overdue with her pregnancy. she was active and healthy until she went into labor. she didn’t get one stretch mark and had a TEN pound baby. yes, her labor was hard but she said she would do it again in a minute. now, one month after birth she is already back to her prepregnancy clothes. :)

    Reply
    • CaitlinHTP January 17, 2012, 2:19 pm

      A ten pound baby!? Wow :) I am impressed.

      Reply
  • Jana @ Newly Wife Healthy Life January 17, 2012, 1:56 pm

    I got this all the time before I got married! Everywhere I turned people were telling me how miserable marriage is or how my sweet fiancé would change after our vows. It was ridiculously rude, and so stressful to be already nervous about marriage without the criticism from others!

    Reply
  • Ali January 17, 2012, 1:57 pm

    Your boobs will never be the same after nursing and you won’t care one bit. Providing your child with the perfect nutrition while building an amazing bond will be one of the most rewarding things you do in your life.
    Everyone is going to give you unsolicited advice and constantly tell you worst possible scenarios and it will get 100x worse once baby comes. Feel confident in the decisions you and your husband make for your family and don’t let anyone convince you you’re wrong.

    Reply
  • Bobbie January 17, 2012, 2:01 pm

    I got a lot of this with my pregnancies and it annoyed the hell out of me. Fact is there are difficult parts but the love and pride you feel for your children outweighs ALL of it!!! Also, I’m in better shape now than I was before my 1st baby AND my boobs are right where they started after breastfeeding 3! So there to the naysayers ;)

    Reply
  • Hillary January 17, 2012, 2:01 pm

    Who SAYS these things to pregnant people? Seriously. I want to know. Good golly. It’s called tact!

    Reply
  • Melissa January 17, 2012, 2:02 pm

    I just wanted to add- I think you also need to consider being positive vs. being honest. A lot of friends were new moms around the same time as me, and a lot of what I would hear was about perfect babies sleeping through the night, moms being the happiest they’d ever been, etc. It made me feel bad because I was having a really hard time and I then felt like a bad mom. It was so refreshing to talk to other moms about the hard stuff and to recognize that other people truly are “in the trenches” as well. So please Caitlin, stay positive, but don’t be afraid to find other new moms to vent to and commiserate with from time to time- it really is good for your mental health!

    Reply
  • Amy January 17, 2012, 2:04 pm

    Ugh, I can’t stand that kind of negativity. Really? I’ll NEVER sleep again? OK then — now I’m prepared!

    I also am just floored at others’ advice to you to “not get too attached” in case you miscarry — because it works like that. If you’re not “attached” to your baby, you won’t mind if something happens to it. What???

    Reply
    • CaitlinHTP January 17, 2012, 2:20 pm

      YES. Exactly. Like, sorry, I am already attached – I’m pregnant! And if I do miscarry and I am upset, that’s okay! Grieving is natural and normal.

      Reply
  • zoe (and the beatles) January 17, 2012, 2:06 pm

    HAH! the last sentence right there just made me laugh. tits always sounds so rough and gritty and slang-tastic. love!

    but you’re right. people take a negative stance to try and create the potential of heartbreak, so you don’t get too attached to a situation or overly confident. it would be nice to be supported though, and be allowed to experience heartbreak IF and when it happens.

    Reply
  • Shannon January 17, 2012, 2:11 pm

    I can only comment on the healthy living portion because I’ve not done the baby thing…..but sometimes people want you to fail, even the people who are supposed to love you the most. I think it’s subconcious for the most part, but if you succeed and you pull yourself up by yourself and for yourself and you are one of the few who keeps her changes and betters her health and life and fitness, that makes those people in your life feel badly because maybe they didn’t make it. Misery loves company, right? Failure wants friends too. Plus, you are creating change within relationships and friendships that the other party didn’t ‘approve’. If you used to drink beer and eat french fries with your friend Sally every Tuesday and Thursday night and now all of a sudden you’re off beer and limiting fried foods and you have plans to go jogging on those nights, Sally isn’t really going to like that, you’ve forced your change on her. And subconciously she’s going to hope you fail so that everything can go back to ‘normal’.

    It’s a hard thing, keeping old friendships in the light of new changes. What I had to realize is that as your life changes and your interests evolve, the friends who can change and evolve and adapt with you are the ones to keep, and the other ones…..well…there is no point in trying to move forward with your life while dragging around negative or unsupportive energy.

    Reply
  • Jen in LA January 17, 2012, 2:16 pm

    You are already awesome and will be an awesome parent! I hated all the negative stuff people would say to me (especially women with no children) when I was pregnant. One of the smartest things I learned while pregnant was to shake off the comments. People say DUMB things. I don’t think there is an explanation. They just do. And I still haven’t told my birth story to anyone because I hated all these scary women telling their scary birth stories about being in labor for 3 days and it being the worst pain in the world. For the record, I went into hospital at 3pm on a Sunday, and my baby was born at 9AM on a Monday. And the contractions were NOT the worst pain I’ve ever felt. You’ll do great because your body was created to do it! Enjoy your pregnancy as you enjoy your life. You are an inspiration to so many people!

    Reply
  • Claire January 17, 2012, 2:17 pm

    I am still laughing about the “love is” part of this post. I just have to say I keep coming back again and again to read your blog because your posts are not only insightful and inspiring but worded in a way that is positive and funny! You definitely have a knack to take the serious moments and life and validate the seriousness of them while still putting a funny spin on it so it’s easier for readers to digest and stay positive.

    And congrats on your pregnancy!! I have no firsthand experience but from what my mom says you will have no regrets :)

    Reply
    • CaitlinHTP January 17, 2012, 2:21 pm

      Thanks Claire :) That is really nice and I appreciate it.

      You have my favorite name! Guess what that means? :)

      Reply
  • Rachel January 17, 2012, 2:18 pm

    I’ve noticed the same thing where people are more likely to tell you the negative side rather than the positive. I was actually thinking about it the other day, and I wondered if our society made it more acceptable to be negative? For instance, you can say “I feel fat” or “I hate my thighs” and it is OK! On the other hand, if you said “I love my thighs” or another positive comment it comes across negative (as in bragging, conceited, etc.). I also hate it when people assume the worst or that it won’t work/last; even if you don’t believe the person will stick with a diet/go to the gym/quit smoking/etc. why shouldn’t you be supportive? They are more likely to succeed if they have support than if people say they are doomed to fail.
    What your post is something I try to work on in my life, even if my first thought is negative I try to state the positive. Why should you assume the worst and not the best? There are good and there are bad pregnancies, but why should people assume yours will be challenging/bad? Maybe yours will be easy and uncomplicated!

    Reply
  • Ellen January 17, 2012, 2:18 pm

    I am so sorry you have been hearing all those negative comments. That would drive me insane! I am pregant with my first child and all I have heard from family and friends is positive things…so much so I feel much more confident about the pregnancy then I did in the beginning. I myself am the only one who brings me down cause I get into reading about birth stories and all the things that can go wrong and then I start getting anxiety, so I am trying to stay away from those stories too, and only focus on what is WONDERFUL about being pregnant. Thanks for your posts I really enjoy reading them! My sister actually turned me on to your blog because your sister got married in Rincon PR and that is where I was married last year!.

    Reply
    • Julia January 17, 2012, 2:51 pm

      **and by sister MY sister would be referring to nicole getting married in Rincon haha! Also yes thanks for such a great blog I love your posts and I made Elley start reading it once she announced her pregnancy!

      Reply
      • CaitlinHTP January 17, 2012, 2:54 pm

        Nicole feels like my sista :) Rincon was awesome.

        Reply
  • Aimee January 17, 2012, 2:23 pm

    Oh goodness isn’t it awful. Women can be so nasty to each other. So sad isn’t it?

    My birth plan didn’t quite work out as I had planned and I had to have a C-section because my baby was in distress, but the outcome was a very healthy baby boy.

    Breast feeding, well that didn’t quite work out either for us and not for lack of trying. However, despite popular belief that bottle fed children are sickly we’ve only ever been to the pediatrician for well visits if you catch my drift.

    I just finished putting together a pirate ship with my 5 year old son. It was awesome fun. He’s the greatest kid and I’m so blessed to have him in my life.

    I won’t judge you if you won’t judge me and that is precisely how it should be. Raising a healthy, polite, respectful child is a challenging job, but it’s the most rewarding job I’ve ever had. I wouldn’t trade my pregnancy, birth experience or motherhood for anything. I don’t think you will either.

    Reply
    • Vikki January 17, 2012, 5:14 pm

      It seems to be a myth that breastfeeding is easy. I know so many mothers that have struggled with it. Their milk didn’t come in or the baby didn’t want to latch on or their nipples receded. I’m sure breastfeeding is best, but I really think people need to stop saying that it is the only way.

      Even in the modern, giving birth is still dangerous. I’m sorry that you faced an emergency C-section, but these things happen. (I was born via emergency c-section because I had an abnormally short umbilical cord. Theoretically, I’m fine though my younger brother who was born 13 weeks premature would argue that. He’s also theoretically fine.) Natural childbirth is a wonderful option, but not everyone has it.

      Reply
      • Aimee January 17, 2012, 9:31 pm

        Thanks Vikki.

        Reply
        • Vikki January 17, 2012, 11:28 pm

          Caitlin’s post hit me at the wrong time. I’ve just found out that a friend who has been trying to have a baby for a long time isn’t going to have a happy ending to her pregnancy. Last week, I probably would have rolled my eyes at the naivety. I will continue to send happy thoughts to Caitlin and I hope she never experiences what my parents experienced (with all three of their children if I included my older brother that lived an hour.) or what my friend will experience in March. Like I said, I’m probably the one with the problem.

          Reply
          • Caitlin January 18, 2012, 9:01 am

            I am really sorry about your friend Vikki. :( I will send positive vibes HER way. I want to e-hug you!!! I imagined that it is a totally terrible thing to go through – or even watch someone go through.

  • Ellen January 17, 2012, 2:24 pm

    PS: The first trimester has been rough when it comes to food. I don’t like thinking about it and I am struggling to eat healthy nutrious food, but your Mexican Lasagna recipe made my day! Thank you!!

    Reply
  • SK January 17, 2012, 2:35 pm

    This is my favorite post you’ve ever done. You’re so right in drawing that connection between the doomdayin’ of pregnancy and getting fit – totally makes sense to me!

    Reply
  • Laura January 17, 2012, 2:41 pm

    Maybe this is a Southern US thing? Or a smaller town thing? In general I don’t know many people who talk like that. I do live in a pretty progressive city though, where people tend to not bat an eyelash at what other people might consider “weird.” Maybe it’s me, but the sort of reactions you are talking about sound very judgmental. If they were talking to me like that I would do like my mom says and “consider the messenger, not the message.” I also think it’s great that you just stop people and tell them you don’t want sad birth stories. Some people may consider it rude, but I consider it expeditious. Life is to short to entertain fools.

    Reply
  • Constance Blizzard January 17, 2012, 2:46 pm

    THANK YOU for this post. I’ve been utterly shocked at how easily these comments roll off of tongues, and have no idea why. I get that sometimes it’s in jest (re: sleeping and sex), but even still, if all someone has to offer as a response to Huge Exciting Wondrous News is how much it sucks, it doesn’t bode well for their worldview.

    Also, it’s ridiculously superficial. “They keep you up all night.” “They crap in their diapers.” Wisdom of the ancients, right there…

    Reply
  • Sarah January 17, 2012, 2:51 pm

    Yeah, I’m not sure what makes people think it’s okay to say whatever they want to pregnant ladies. I have a 2-month-old son now, and I will tell you I got lots of doomsday talk, too, but you know what? Like your positive, encouraging friends, I will tell you that both my husband and I have said (and continue to say) that all of this is better than we expected. I know you’ve heard that, but I just wanted to add a little reinforcement:-).

    Reply
  • Carina January 17, 2012, 2:56 pm

    There’s been a lot of data in the last few years to indicate people are generally less happy after having children, so that may be part of it. Kids aren’t always the best thing ever and don’t necessarily make your life better.

    I think it could also be an attempt to avoid trying to sound like things are perfect — maybe it’s true for those people that they basically haven’t gotten a solid night’s sleep since, or that they don’t really want to have sex anymore, so they’re trying to be real and not act like everything is all perfect and happy.

    But in my mind, those aren’t things you’d say to someone who is pregnant!

    If you want to talk about data about most parents finding themselves more unhappy with their lives post-parenthood, that’s best discussed with people who don’t have kids and AREN’T ALREADY PREGNANT! And if parents want to talk about their struggles with sleep or sex or changing bodies or whatever, maybe that’s best saved for close friends or fellow parents. Again, not nice to say to someone who’s pregnant!

    Maybe you should just see those comments as reflections on how people view their own lives? I didn’t get to read all the comments, but most commenters who are parents seem to be saying it’s great, or that the negatives aren’t as bad as they clearly are for some other parents. But clearly it’s different for everyone. Stinks that you’re hearing so much of the negative.

    Reply
  • Amber K January 17, 2012, 3:02 pm

    Oh I bet if I ever get pregnany I’ll have to deal with this insanity too. I had a ton of people who weren’t very supportive when I first started my weight loss journey. Now that you mention it, I think they were trying to protect my feelings in advance in case I failed. But all it did was make me feel unsupported as well.

    Reply
  • Caroline January 17, 2012, 3:03 pm

    Well, I gave birth as I wanted to, with just gas and air. I bonded instantly with my baby and loved every moment of those sleepless nights. They were extra time to snuggle with him. He’s 3 and a 1/2 now and I think he’d be upset if I woke him up for a cuddle!
    Being a mummy is wonderful and I love every minute of it.
    And I have my lie in at night now! I go to bed early and enjoy lying in bed, reading and lazing about.

    Reply
  • Axel January 17, 2012, 3:05 pm

    It’s funny when I think about it; the one negative thing I would warn new parents about is how negative and judgmental people can be!

    One quick story to get off my chest: My mother-in-law recently criticized my wife for going out to a girlfriend’s birthday (high tea) lunch, leaving me with the kids:”You have responsibilities at home!” The kicker? This was the day after we had been to the opera – which we went to as a date night after a week of being nagged by her to go.

    Reply
    • krista January 17, 2012, 3:17 pm

      When my daughter was an infant and my husband would take her on errands alone, like to Lowe’s or the grocery store, people would comment that he was so nice for babysitting for mommy. This bugged him (and me) so much! Why is it considered babysitting if it’s the dad, yet expected as the mom?

      Reply
      • CaitlinHTP January 17, 2012, 3:29 pm

        omg. don’t get me started on this!

        Reply
  • chelsey @ clean eating chelsey January 17, 2012, 3:08 pm

    That scares me that so many pepole think so negatively about children and pregnancy. For me, I can’t wait to be in your shoes and have a baby on the way. I feel like I was MADE to be a mom!!

    Reply
  • Nora January 17, 2012, 3:14 pm

    I have read your blog from the beginning and have commented a couple of times. Your parents must be so proud of you! My husband and I have two boys, 23 and 20. One graduated from dartmouth last year and works in New York. The younger one is in the business school at the University of Michigan. They are a source of pride and joy to us everyday
    Caitlin, you are entering the best part of your life. Children are a lot of work, but the joy they will bring you, is immeasurable.
    Don’t listen to negativity. People LOVE to talk about the negative. I wish you all the best. You and your husband will be great parents!

    Reply
    • CaitlinHTP January 17, 2012, 3:28 pm

      :) Thank you Nora for reading for so long! You sound like you have great kids.

      Reply
  • krista January 17, 2012, 3:14 pm

    I too had someone say “why did you tell people so early you are pregnant, what are we supposed to say if you miscarry?” Um, maybe be a friend if that happens?
    I just roll my eyes at the Negative Nancys, thankfully I don’t encounter many or else I might go cray cray. With my first, I heard all the typical stuff and I’m happy to report that after the first 10ish weeks baby was sleeping all night and has been for the past 4 years, even with working FT I find time for the gym, running, friends, and my kid’s fun activities, and my body (and boobs) went back to how they were with a little work! Oh and I’m also a faster runner now, go figure.

    I’m 38.5 weeks pregnant with my second, so I dont get the first timer comments. Instead I get told that because my first was such an easy sleeper and laid back in general, this one will be the opposite and I’ll get ‘paybacks’ for having it so easy. Thanks for the fabulous words of wisdom there! And I must like defying the odds, because even now at the end of my pregnancy I have no trouble getting my 9 hours of sleep a night. I’m sure that just pisses off the NN’s too. ;)

    Reply
    • CaitlinHTP January 17, 2012, 3:28 pm

      hahahah payback kids?! people are…so… weird.

      Reply
  • Rebecca January 17, 2012, 3:22 pm

    I’m of two minds about this. On the one hand, I can see your point, and some of those comments would annoy me to no end. On the other hand…

    A) I prefer reality to positivism. What I mean by this is, if someone really does hate being a parent, she should be free to express this and be honest. That’s reality, and I don’t want or expect anyone to lie or sugarcoat it for me. If you are a strong, real person other people’s “bad” or “negative” stories might inform you but will not alter your feelings.

    B) Regarding motherhood, it can go either way. The “cult of motherhood”–the idea that this is THE defining moment, the ONLY authentic, meaningful experience for a woman, the BEST thing for every woman, etc.–is also very prevalent in our society. People like me who don’t want kids feel pressure from this angle. Don’t tell me how much I’ll love having kids/being pregnant!! I won’t!!

    Reply
    • CaitlinHTP January 17, 2012, 3:28 pm

      Agree with both of your comments, strongly!

      Reply
      • Elizabeth January 17, 2012, 5:19 pm

        Oh man, best comment I’ve read today. I, too, want people to be able to express their true feelings. I guess the thing is that I don’t think these negative things are “true feelings.” Maybe because they’re so directed at how the other person is going to feel? (Wait until YOU experience x, then YOU’LL be sad, etc.) However, I do know people are not always good at communicating clearly, and perhaps being a negative nelly is their way of expressing their own hurt over a situation that’s difficult for them (maybe more so than they thought). In that way, I guess these people deserve compassion. Huh. Thanks for the interesting comment, Rebecca! (Thanks for starting it all, Caitlin!)

        Reply
  • Emily January 17, 2012, 3:23 pm

    I am sad and shocked at all the negativity you’ve had about pregnancy. I’ve never been pregnant but I think it is the most amazing and magical thing ever. A real gift of nature. I am so excited for it to be my turn in a few years time.

    It makes me sad how pregnancy body changes are generally viewed so negatively. Yes things might go south or get stretch marked or whatever, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Who needs perfection anyway? You and your husband will be able to look at those things in years to come and remember this special baby growing time. We should celebrate pregnant and post-pregnant bodies as being beautiful and strong. A part of your own little miracle.

    Reply
  • Hannah (Hannah Lives) January 17, 2012, 3:28 pm

    Thank you so much for writing about this. It definitely makes me think twice about my comments towards people. I consider myself an optimist, but I am also a worrier, and a “hope for the best, expect the worst” kind of person, as a way to protect myself, and the people I love’s feelings. But reading this makes me think that it is almost self-sabotaging, and might be more hurtful than I intend it to be.

    It made me think of a specific time when a close friend of mine got pregnant accidentally, via a one night stand. And because being a young, just starting your career, and not in a steady relationship can be hard enough, adding an unplanned pregnancy is overwhelming, I immediately started questioning how she was going to raise the child alone (the father wanted nothing to do with the baby). Not that I think women aren’t capable of doing it alone, it was just unexpected, and I just wanted her to have a plan. But I realize now that I should have just smiled, got excited, and supported her. I know she is already worried, and scared, and thinking about what she is going to do next, so why didn’t I just let her know I was there for her, and that it was ok to be excited about this new chapter of her life? She has the rest of her life to worry about her child!

    So, thank you for giving this subject some attention. Love is definitely sometimes setting aside your skepticism, and convictions in favor of being supportive.

    Reply
  • Claire January 17, 2012, 3:41 pm

    Just remember for every negative nancy out there, there are lots more people who are perfectly happy and managing to live their life how they want to without whingeing about everything. Some people enjoy looking at everything from a negative point of view – that is all about them and nothing about you. There are positive people and experiences too. For example:

    I had natural, drug free, intervention free births with all three of my kids. Yes there are horror stories out there, but the majority of births are fairly straight forward.

    While I have always been fit and healthy, I am fitter and healthier now than I have ever been. It is possible to go for a run with three little kids. I started back 3-6 weeks after each of them were born. They are currently 2,4 and 6 years old, and I manage to run 5 times a week. It just means I get up and go a bit earlier before my hubby leaves for work. It’s all about priorities.

    Having kids is the best thing ever, and I would have done it earlier had I known. Like most awesome things, it is really hard at times, but that just makes the good bits even better. And god, they are just soooooo cute.

    Reply
  • Georgia January 17, 2012, 4:06 pm

    The “you can’t do it drug free!” comments really lit a fire under me. I DID do it drug free and it was an awesome experience. It made me want to call each person and say “I TOLD YOU SO!” and hang up on them…

    but that seemed like an immature way to celebrate our baby’s birth!

    You can do it!

    Reply
  • Kristen @ The Concrete Runner January 17, 2012, 4:15 pm

    My baby will be 3 months old tomorrow, and I can’t even begin to tell you how it has changed my life for the better! Pregnancy + parenthood are the 2 greatest things I have ever done with my life! Yes, I am sleep deprived now that I am back at work, and yes, there are times when it is really hard, but I LOVE it! I love my baby more than I ever thought I could love anything! And my sleep-loving husband would tell you the same thing. Is our sex life the way it was before a baby? Heck no! But, that doesn’t mean we don’t make time for each other. We might not get to have our “alone time” as often as we (he) would like, but it’s still an important part of our relationship so we make time for it. (Most of the time we don’t have sex is because we’re just too dang tired!) I promise, Caitlin, you will LOVE it! Absolutely the best thing I have ever done in my life…

    Reply
  • Janelle January 17, 2012, 4:44 pm

    Every woman’s breasts hit the ground at some stage in their life, regardless of their decision re: breastfeeding. Gravity works. Put that worry on the shelf!

    The truth about it all is that no one will have the pregnancy/parenting experience as you. Absolutely no one. We all experience it differently, all children are different, all situations are different. Take what nugget you can from each conversation, put it in your back pocket, and then forge ahead creating your own pregnancy experience.

    Reply
  • Amy January 17, 2012, 4:46 pm

    I feel like people are secretly disappointed in the way they did something when they make these negative comments or don’t want you to be ‘better’ than them. Or they are just ignorant. I am 8 weeks pg now and have already dealt with negative nancies. I am going the natural birth route with a mid-wife at a birth center and that is usually where the eye-rolling and ‘just wait’ comments arise. I also get a lot of judgement from people who have never been pregnant about my not eating enough protein/volume/vegetables since my morning sickness has been ruling my life for the past 3 weeks. I just try to stay positive and just simply say “be positive” when someone says something rude. :) Hang in there lady—you are not alone!!

    Reply
  • Allison January 17, 2012, 4:53 pm

    I’m not pregnant [but look forward to being in the future!] but I love the way you relate it to other everyday life happenings- there are just some people who always see the negatives… The most important thing is no matter how corny it sounds, is to stay true to you. You want a baby, have it! You want to have a natural birth, do it! You want to adopt a healthier lifestyle, do it! Great, refreshing post :)

    Reply
  • Tiffany January 17, 2012, 5:01 pm

    Hi Caitlin!

    Congrats on your pregnancy! I’m 25 weeks pregnant and can totally relate! I remember a similar feeling right after my husband and I got married. In the first few months everyone would ask, “So how’s married life?” When I responded saying it’s great I would always get a sarcastic, “Well I would hope so, you’re only a few months in!” Hey, you asked! I think people sometimes feel the need to emphasize how much more they know about something (marriage, childbirth, etc) simply because they’ve had their own experience already. I’ve met similar comments regarding my natural childbirth “plan”, but the worst is when someone tells me how devastating it would be to have to have a c-section. It’s true that a c-section is not my ideal scenario, but it will be far from devastating if it means I have a happy, healthy baby! I just try to remember that there are people out there who are positive and supportive, and those are the interactions to focus on.

    -Tiffany

    Reply
  • Linda January 17, 2012, 5:01 pm

    I completely stopped telling people I was planning on an unmedicated birth because I got those negative responses – “yeah I tried it but couldn’t do it” or “why would you even want to try it?”, etc. You know what? It *was* the worst pain I ever experienced. And I got through it with no medication. It’s all about your mindset. No one tells marathoners that they should put a needle in their spine during the race!

    Reply
  • Linz @ ItzLinz January 17, 2012, 6:04 pm

    I think you’re great and I love your positivity! You make me want to get preggo NOW! (we are waiting a couple more months before starting to try)

    Reply
  • Becca January 17, 2012, 6:11 pm

    I think sometimes people are so negative because they just want you to shut up and go away. Perhaps so should start looking from the outside in, instead of always from the inside out.

    Reply
  • Melissa @ Be Not Simply Good January 17, 2012, 6:20 pm

    Maybe people who say negative things about your natural birth plans feel bad that it didn’t work out for them. Regardless, I hope these comments don’t get you too down. People seem to think they have the right to say anything to a pregnant woman, not to mention the right to comment on and touch her body. Um… no thank you.

    Best wishes for the remainder of your pregnancy, and may you enjoy the adventure that awaits you! Sure parenthood can be hard, but it is also fantastic!

    Reply
  • Amy @ Contented Corner January 17, 2012, 6:22 pm

    I had all the same negative comments last year during my first pregnancy – i took each one with a pinch of salt and tried to not let people get to me.

    My son is now 14 weeks old and i’m enjoying sticking my middle finger at all the people who said ‘you’re life will never be the same again, having a baby is hard’, they were right in one part, life will never be the same again – my life is now 100 times better than before… but they are so wrong on the other part… it’s only hard if you make it hard – i LOVE being a mommy, it’s the best job i have had in my entire life.

    I also enjoyed showing people that i was back in my pre-pregnancy jeans a week after birth, not because i am genetically lucky, i just ate really healthy during my pregnancy and gained only baby weight. The most annoying thing for me was people commenting on my weight throughout my whole pregnancy, i was growing a baby but so many work colleagues commented on how ‘big’ i was, usually saying it with a mouthful of doughnut/cookies/chocolate in there mouths!!! Also random people touching my tummy, i was so tempted to grab there crotch in return to see if it made them feel uncomfortable LOL!

    As far as the birth plan, it’s each to there own… my plan was not to have a plan and then i could not ‘fail’… ideally i would have loved a natural, drug free birth but for the safety of myself and my unborn son it was not meant to be… disappointing but not the end of the world.

    I wish you so well in the rest of your pregnancy, having a baby is the most amazing thing, enjoy every second of it, before you know it you will have your baby in your arms and they will be 14 weeks old… time goes fast! xxx

    Reply
  • Jolene (www.everydayfoodie.ca) January 17, 2012, 6:22 pm

    I cannot believe how negative people are! I get the same types of comments when I even mention having kids one day. I just start thinking that I will prove them all wrong! Can’t wait until you have your drug-free pregnancy and you TELL ‘EM!

    Reply
  • Chelsea @ One Healthy Munchkin January 17, 2012, 6:28 pm

    I’ve come to realize in my 22 short years of life that people just love to be negative. I try to avoid it and just fill my life with positive influences. :D

    Reply
  • Sarah January 17, 2012, 6:36 pm

    This is such a great post and so so so true.

    Reply
  • Sarah January 17, 2012, 6:53 pm

    can i come over for pancakes?

    Reply
  • Brooke @ sweats & sweets January 17, 2012, 7:08 pm

    Although I am not pregnant, I know what birth plan I want when the time comes and my family bashes the idea. My stepmom goes, “natural? water birth? yeah ok, you won’t survive.” Everyone tells my husband and I we don’t know what we’re talking about and our head is in the clouds. What gives them the right to tell me how to take care of a pregnancy?! I will pick what is best for our baby and those people, especially my family can kiss my ass. I’m so sick of people telling us we are careless and hippie. So you do what’s best for you and BabyHTP! I totality agree with you!

    Reply
  • Katie S January 17, 2012, 7:12 pm

    I have been reading your blog for a month or so and I’m just super tickled with this post that I just had to comment! I agree that people can err on the side of negative and its good to have the reminder from you that I CAN seek out positive people and that I CAN request silence from people in certain situations (like the bad birth stories). I forgot sometimes that I have choices. Thank you for the reminder!!

    Reply
  • Brandy January 17, 2012, 7:24 pm

    My favorite thing to say to the nay-sayers was a simple, “I’m really sorry you feel that way” and then I’d move on. Having a child changes your life in ways that you cannot even imagine at this point. But that is why we all do it- we want our lives to change. And that change it is hard, but so, so wonderful.

    It is a personal goal of mine to make my friends and acquaintances (male and female) feel empowered about the birth of their children. I had a natural home birth and it was a wonderful experience. I very honestly only felt pain for about 5 seconds (ring of fire) before my son was born. I always share that there will probably be a moment where you doubt yourself, but you can do this, you are stronger than you could ever know. We all are.

    Reply
  • Amanda January 17, 2012, 8:16 pm

    Good grief, why must people go out of their way to be negative?! I’ve heard other things that have been said to pregnant ladies and it really annoys me! As if telling a woman how big she looks is a compliment. Ugh.

    Reply
  • Eliza January 17, 2012, 8:41 pm

    I bet your baby will be beautiful and you will love being a mummy! People sometimes have nothing worthwhile to say so they say something negative. I am training a guide dog pup, and whenever I can’t go somewhere or do something (which is rare, I take him with me usually) people say things like “oh he sounds like such a nuisance” or something, whenever I comment how we get up at 6 or something, people say something negative, when I actually never complain, because I love what I am doing! Rant over!
    But keep saying positive things back to them and they’ll get the message. Good luck, can’t wait to see baby pics!

    Reply
  • Emily W January 17, 2012, 8:48 pm

    I can imagine, since people already tell me to enjoy my body now since after I have children I’ll never be fit again (they don’t seem to realize that I work every day for the body I have, and I plan to work for it every day after I have kids as well).

    I am sure that pregnancy will be a beautiful experience for you. People are usually negative because they have their own issues to work through.

    Reply
  • Christine January 17, 2012, 9:16 pm

    I received the same comments when I was pregnant with my first, I understand how hurtful and confusing they can be. Now as a proud Mama of a 3 and 5 year old I *think* I understand why some people feel the need say those things.

    Having & raising my girls has been the most life changing experience. These things that we experience as parents are so powerful its hard for us not to talk about them. Wether it was a complicated pregnancy, a baby with colic or a 2 year old who insists on destroying the house every day these experiences are so powerful that some people feel they must share them. I think in some instances they blurt them out and probably regret it later.

    On the flip side I am not sure that we are always honest enough with other women about how hard it is to be a parent. I have read a few really interesting articles that claim we are sugarcoating parenting and people suddenly find themselves with a baby thinking, “why didn’t anyone tell me how hard this would be????” It is such a dichotomy and so hard to explain until you experience it.

    I love my girls so much but this is for me, hands down, the most challenging thing I have ever done. I know it is easier for some and comes more naturally to others. I would not change it for the world, they are awesome and I love watching them grow and learn. Best of luck to you.

    Reply
  • Carla in Sydney January 17, 2012, 10:14 pm

    I am 9 weeks pregnant with my first child. Like you, I decided to tell people earlier than 12 weeks because I think miscarriage should be spoken about if it should occur. Truth is, I am pregnant at this moment at least, and I want to share my good news. I had my boss say in front of my whole team “You know most first pregnancies fail”. What a horrible thing to say! There is also a 52 year old lady at work who is in complete denial about her age and is trying to conceive and she is completely jealous now that I am pregnant and comments about how pale I am nearly every day and also comments about all the pimples I have on my face. Why do people think it is OK to comment about your appearance in a negative way just because you are pregnant?! Thanks for this post – helps me to see their comments come from a place of negativity within themselves. Wishing you the best for the rest of your pregnancy! xx

    Reply
  • Meghan January 17, 2012, 10:39 pm

    I might be reiterating previous comments but I don’t really have the time to read them all;-)
    We have three kids (and hope to have more – gasp!) All that you hear is probably true! Although I have NEVER questioned my decision to have kids, it is hard. I’ve have had three unmediated births (two home births) – its not a walk in the park, but well worth it. Raising children is not easy but it is easily the MOST rewarding experience ever. The joy that you experience with each milestone is unparalleled. Most of us are not ever prepared for what we are getting ourselves
    into but one thing is for sure, you love that baby and you will figure it out. As long as you are trying, and they are loved, you are doing a good job. Good luck!! You WILL do great! One year from now you will wonder what your life was like before that precious baby entered your life and you will wonder why you didn’t welcome that child into your life sooner. A true blessing…

    Reply
  • Valerie January 18, 2012, 12:07 am

    Boo to all the people who assume you will HAVE to turn to drugs while in labor. I have the most amazing 7 month little guy who I delivered 100% drug free. Yes, there were a few minutes (maybe 10 minutes total) where I had to really trust my husband when I wanted to turn to drugs to help my back labor and he kept me focused on our decision to go drug free. I stayed in the pain and allowed it to be part of the experience instead of trying to let it go. I do not regret it at all. Did it hurt? You betcha it did! Do I understand women who do take drugs? You betcha! Would I go drug free next time? You betcha! I felt each push, each contraction and felt all the hard work that my amazing son was doing to join us and start our family together. Pay no never mind to anyone who has a negative opinion about your choice…because it is your choice and not theirs. Stay strong and stay true to you.

    Reply
  • Katy @ HaveYouHurd January 18, 2012, 9:46 am

    My husband and I are starting to try to have a child, and I am right there with you on being sick of all the negative comments. I know that parenting is not easy, but why would you come at me with all the horrible things you have to deal with? Do you really think that is something I want to hear? I especially dislike when people act like having kids “happened” to them. I realize that there are some “surprises”, but to the lady at work with 3 kids that complains daily… you realize you had a part in making those 3 kids you whine about all the time right?

    Reading this post has also made me realize I take part in the negative-nancy-ness a lot too when I shouldn’t. I am constantly telling my friends still in college to enjoy it now beause real life sucks afterwards. Why would I do that? Yes, “real life” is very different than college, but there are definitely good things about it too!

    We all need to learn to do a little more encouraging and a lot less discouraging.

    Reply
  • Jes Suazo January 18, 2012, 11:03 am

    I would give up sex & sleeping in any day of the week for my sweet little man. I may have gotten lucky but pregnancy and childbirth was an amazing experience for me. And to see that sweet little smile everyday is the best reward ever.

    Keep pushing the negative comments away. :)

    Reply
  • Maggie January 18, 2012, 11:41 am

    I’ve been thinking a lot about negative people lately and I agree with you. Happiness and love are choices we all make and are about the environments we choose to be in and the people we choose to be around. That said, I’ve been having a difficult time balancing my desire to stay friends with a group of people who are pretty negative and my desire to not be sucked down by all of their negativity.

    Reply
  • Brittany January 18, 2012, 12:07 pm

    I love this post. What some people need to understand is that everyone is different. Not everyone sees losing sleep to feed their baby as such a terrible thing, not everyone thinks that pain medication is a requisite for birth, and certainly not everyone thinks having a body that carried a life for 9 months is something to dread. Good for you for not letting them get you down. :)

    Reply
  • Jo January 18, 2012, 1:48 pm

    This post nearly made me cry I needed to read it so badly! My husband and I have been married for about 16 months and are starting to think about trying to have a baby. At 30 and 29 this is not a craaazy idea to me, but when the topic of kids ever comes up amongst my friends they immediately start with all sorts of negativity about it. Hey, I realize it is not picnic, and we are very aware that life will change, but I just wish someone would say “Oh wow- that is going to be SO great for you guys!” instead of “Ugh kids”. None of these girls have kids, but it just distresses me so much. I feel like I will have no friends when we do get pregnant. It is the source of a lot of anxiety for me, and I really needed to read this to know that I am not alone. Thanks very, very much!

    Reply
    • CaitlinHTP January 18, 2012, 4:00 pm

      Are your friends with children or child-free? Just curious.

      DO IT – no time like the present! it is the best decision ever.

      Reply
  • Tricia January 18, 2012, 7:37 pm

    I’m subbing for a bunch of girls who are pregnant right now at work. They went out one after the other and MAN, do people say messed up things to pregnant women. That is the one reason I am not looking forward to getting preggo. From all the unnecessary comments to the unwarranted advice. Good luck on handling it! I don’t know how pregnant women don’t snap more often.

    Reply
  • lindsay r. January 18, 2012, 10:16 pm

    I can’t believe people are so negative! Motherhood is the best thing in the world! I have a 2 1/2-year-old and another on the way. I can’t imagine my life any other way. The joy a child brings to your life is worth every single poppy diaper and grocery store meltdown. You’re going to love being a mom!

    Reply
  • Kenley January 19, 2012, 10:23 am

    Negative comments stink! I don’t want to hear them as a prego either. I’ve been scared enough as it is by stories I’ve already heard. I just try and remember this person is either a) slightly jealous or b) has had an experience they feel they should help others by relaying, no matter how it affects us pregnant ladies. When I remember where they’re probably coming from, it’s easier not to be so mad. Thankfully most people I run into are happy and excited and only tell their joyous or funny stories.

    Reply
  • Lindsay Johnson January 20, 2012, 7:57 pm

    Caitlin, you are doing something so amazing by choosing to have a child! Don’t let the people that live and die by fear and negativity bring you down. They aren’t smart enough to recognize what a blessing this time in their lives is and how much they will miss it when it is gone. My children (two and four years old) are the best thing to ever happen to me. They bring so much happiness to my life on a daily basis, it is like my world is flooded with warmth and light. Yes, some things will change, however, most everything will change for the better. Treasure these days, I miss my baby bump :)

    Reply
  • Lexi @ Cura Personalis Foodie January 21, 2012, 12:10 am

    Those pancakes look uhhhh-mazing :) Blueberries ftw!

    Reply
  • Caroline Leigh January 21, 2012, 10:35 pm

    2 things:
    1. i have experienced negative comments like this about my recent switch to a vegetarian diet, and just recently it started to get to me.
    2. it was really hard to concentrate on your writing in this post with those delicious pictures of your pancake!

    Reply
  • Alett January 22, 2012, 9:11 am

    That makes me feel sad that people are saying negative things :(
    (not having been pregnant I have not gone through this so I really thought that people would be positive about it)

    As you already stated, there are people that will say that about anything be it running, healthy eating etc.

    A friend of mine described such behavior as “stealing someone’s ruby slippers” – I always thought this term was cool. The term was taken from the book “The Zen of Oz.”

    It is nice to be reminded of how important it is to not steal someone’s ruby slippers.

    thanks for posting :)

    Reply
  • VTMama January 23, 2012, 8:29 pm

    Caitlin, Congratulations on your pregnancy. You are doing a beautiful job sharing the joy and difficulty of parenthood.

    I feel that once you become pregnant your life becomes public and everyone feels like they have the right to comment and advise you. And once you have your beautiful child in your arms the comments keep coming. Becoming a parent is quite a journey and you will learn so much about yourself. I have learned that I know what’s best for me and my children; I can trust that knowledge. And everything else is just the background.

    Good luck with your journey!

    Reply
  • DeAnna February 13, 2012, 11:41 pm

    Having a baby is challenging, but it’s worth it. I’m almost 40. I waited a very long time to have a kid, and he’s the only child I’ll have. I’ve never really recovered my body since having my kid 5 years ago, but the only real reason for that is because:
    1. I ate too much while pregnant
    2. I eat too much now
    3. I’m older

    My husband still loves me. We still have a good “married” life. And if I had to trade the 25 extra lbs I carry around now or my son. I’d pick my son on any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
    If it weren’t for my kid, I’m not sure what I’d write about on my blog :)

    Reply
  • Deirdre @ Oh Well Whatever.com February 27, 2012, 12:38 pm

    It is hard to understand the things people say sometimes, I think perhaps it is just not worth trying to understand it all. I like your point of politely interrupting someone and just saying, “no thanks, don’t need that story”.

    This is your pregnancy, your life, your journey, your baby – it will be like nobody else has experienced, uniquely yours.

    It is nice to have some realistic advice, know what is coming, keep an open mind to all possibilities. But the truth of the matter is your are going to have to experience all this life change has to offer and figure it out on your own.

    I will admit that after recently being thru it (baby is 13 months) I find myself wanting to download endless amounts of advice and information on pregnant women and new Moms. None of those annoying, “you won’t sleep, it will hurt, stretch marks suck” kind of things – like duh ya we all get that. But I want to pass on every tip and trick I have learned that made my life so much easier.

    So I will leave you with these helpful and hopefully not too annoying bits..

    1. If you get scattered, stressed and anxious in the beginning stop and calmly listen to yourself, that inner “Mothers Instinct” is there and will tell you what your baby needs. Sometimes it is just hard to slow down and hear it but it is always there.

    2. Moby wrap, best $40 ever

    3. Talk. To anyone and everyone who will listen. You may (or may not) have some crazy thoughts and emotions. Acknowledge them. It is all totally normal.

    Enjoy this wonderful time, such a blessing!!

    Reply
  • Kristen June 3, 2012, 11:08 am

    I’m a little late to the (comment) party, but I wanted to mention that my husband and I have made the decision to NOT have children, and we get similarly insensitive and rude comments! How ironic–I bet the people with all the negative things to say about pregnancy and having kids are the same ones accusing us of being selfish and horrible people for NOT having them. We should lock them all in a room together and let them complain and stress to each other. ;-) Can’t wait to meet BabyHTP!!

    Reply

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