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One week to go!  One week to go!  (Until the second trimester, that is!)

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I hear the second trimester is a period of increased energy, happy contentment, and an actual desire to do normal activities, like the dishes, exercise, and the horizontal polka.  BRING IT ON.  And I’ll admit – looking at the Week 11 to Week 12 photos tells the complete story of the last 7 days.  Last week, I wasn’t feeling so hot – physically or emotionally – and it kind of showed.  But today, I am feeling much more ‘normal’… and I like it.  Is this the beginnings of the second trimester? I hope so!

 

Here’s what BabyHTP is doing this week, “The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby’s fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements.  His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.  Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby’s brain, synapses are forming furiously.  His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.”  (Source)

 

So, every week, I discuss one pregnancy topic that’s been on our minds, whether it’s where we’ll give birth or books that I’ve been reading.  This week, a hot topic is up for discussion:  Team Pink, Team Blue, or Team Yellow.

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(Photo shoot at work, obviously!)

So many people have been asking whether we’ll find out if we’re having a boy or girl at our next ultrasound (around 18 – 20 weeks).  The answer?  Nope!  We’re staying neutral – Team Yellow.  When we tell people that we’re going to wait until birth to find out the sex, we get a range of reactions: “WHY?!” or “Are you serious? You must be joking!” or “What about clothes?” or “How are you going to decorate the nursery, then?”

 

I’ve always wanted to wait to find out the sex of our children.  I understand why some people would want to know – curiosity, making shopping easier – but I really have zero desire to find out in advance.   I think it will serve as a good ‘carrot’ during labor – “What are we having?!” What are we having?!”” – and I get teary eyed whenever I imagine the Husband holding up the baby and announcing, "It’s a ____!” (I’m going to ask the doctors and nurses to let him say it.) 

 

Plus, to a much lesser degree, we’re really interested in raising our kids without specific ‘Girl Box’ or ‘Boy Box’ attitudes (a term I’m borrowing from Girls on the Run!).  The ‘Girl Box’ is all the expectations that little girls absorb from society and believe they should act like to be a ‘good girl’ – quiet, pretty, good at writing but not at sciences, appealing to boys, not too loud.  The ‘Boy Box’ is tough, not emotional, not good at art, not interested in playing dress-up, etc.   We begin to project these expectations on children from a very, very young young, and I buy into the theory that it begins in utero.  “My baby boy kicks like a football player!” v. “My little girl is twirling around my belly like a ballerina.”  I once even read a study (which, unfortunately, I cannot find right now to link to, so you’re going to have to take my word for it) that moms describe their babies’ movements in feminine v. masculine tones if they know the gender, while moms who don’t are much more neutral.  I’m certainly not suggesting that people who treat their babies in gender specific ways are doing any emotional harm!  It’s just a goal of ours to show our kids that girls can be tough, like pink, hate dresses, and play with dolls, and boys can be sensitive, watch football, enjoy dress-up, and play with trucks, and maybe… just maybe… that mindset starts REALLY early!  Even if we’re totally wrong, and it has no impact at all, I think it’s a fun theory to consider!

 

And, like I said, I know this ‘expectation theory’ is kind of far out there for most people, and most new parents just want to know what color to paint the damn nursery, but I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of waiting.  Although MomHTP did give me a little girl dress the other day, so we know what she’s gunning for…. Heh.

 

Here’s Week 12, neatly summarized!

 

  • Total weight gained:  Unknown.  Haven’t made it to the gym this week so no scale action.

  • Current food craving:  There was a lot of pie-eating associated with Thanksgiving… but that’s normal this time of the year!

  • Workouts:  Two workouts for a total of 6.2 miles. 

  • Heartbeats Heard:  I’m trying not to overuse the at-home doppler, but we listened twice with family members over Thanksgiving!  That was fun.

  • Food Aversions:  The smell of hard boiled eggs haunts me.

  • Baby Items Purchased:  None.

  • Number of Dress Pants that Can Button:  TWO!  Last week it was zero, so I think my bloat is going down.

  • Latest TV Craze:  Supernanny.  I have zero child care experience so I’m learning everything I can from the Supernanny.  Rule #1:  Be consistent.  Rule #2:  There are no bad children, just bad behavior.  Rule #3: When you say “that is unacceptable” with an English accent, it sounds much, much more serious.

{ 160 comments }

 

Leave a Comment

  • Angela @ Eat Spin Run Repeat November 30, 2011, 10:59 am

    I like your decision to be on Team Yellow! I think I’ll probably do the same when I have kids because I want to be surprised (having said that, maybe I’ll change my mind!) Let’s hope that the baby’s kicking reflex isn’t very strong yet!

    Reply
  • Staci November 30, 2011, 11:00 am

    Hooray for team yellow! I was on the same team until we had a 24w u/s with my little guy and the tech wasn’t aware I didn’t already know. She happened to scan just far enough that it was pretty evident we were having a boy. Boo. Anyway, you can do all the other stuff without knowing. Connor’s nursery was a yellowy-orange and he had super fun bedding from Land of Nod that incorporated all sorts of yellows, greens, blues and even pinks. We hadn’t told most of our family that we knew and they had no idea because we kept everything neutral. At least they were surprised. :)

    You look great! I hope your second trimester is full of only good things!

    Reply
    • Caitlin November 30, 2011, 11:02 am

      @Staci: Love the name Connor!

      My fear is that the ultrasound tech will show us or let it slip. Maybe I shouldn’t look at the screen until she tells me to? I kind of know what a girl looks like (hamburger) and obviously a boy as a weenie.

      Reply
  • poptartyogini November 30, 2011, 11:02 am

    good choice! i wouldn’t want to know either.

    Reply
  • Tricia November 30, 2011, 11:03 am

    We are not finding out the gender either and I am shocked by the reactions I get from people. They just can’t believe it. How will I ever function without knowing if it is a boy or girl? I like to say the same way our parents did and they did for hundreds of years. You feed the baby, put a blanket around the baby, and change the diaper.

    Reply
    • K November 30, 2011, 11:54 am

      @Tricia: I couldn’t agree with you more! Other people seem so distressed that we are perfectly happy to wait and see! I don’t even feel the need to limit myself to “gender neutral” colors. We are happy to put babies in any color…can’t turn down hand-me-downs! I really feel that by using only so-called gender neutral colors for surprise babies, we’re doing exactly the same thing as buying pink or blue according to sex. That said, there are so many great reasons (including curiousity) to discover the sex beforehand, so while I am perfectly in love with my little Ms/Mr, I respect that some people want to know. I figure, whether you find out at an ultrasound or at the birth, it’s a surprise either way! This all brings me back to reading Charlotte Perkins Gilman and learning about her super interesting theory of “excessive sex distinction”.

      Reply
      • Caitlin November 30, 2011, 11:56 am

        @K: Interesting! We also have grabbed a few gender specific onesies… I don’t care if my boy wears pink. Pink rocks.

        Reply
      • Liz A November 30, 2011, 2:22 pm

        @K: “I really feel that by using only so-called gender neutral colors for surprise babies, we’re doing exactly the same thing as buying pink or blue according to sex.”

        SUCH a good point.

        Reply
  • Dynamics November 30, 2011, 11:04 am

    This new technology!!! Years and years people did not know the sex of the baby and did just fine. I think I remember being told to make the nursery black and white with a punch of red for the baby. Anything else is for the parents. Interesting concept. After nine months and the entire delivery process, I wanted a bonus at the end, a surprise. I did not want to know the sex of the baby either.

    Reply
  • Christina @ Just Running November 30, 2011, 11:06 am

    I was going to write a thoughtful comment about bucking gender stereotypes, but you’ll probably just decide not to publish it and/or not respond to it like you do with most of my comments. I’m done reading your blog.

    Reply
    • Caitlin November 30, 2011, 11:07 am

      @Christina @ Just Running: Christina:

      I spent about 20 minutes this morning trying to figure out why your comments were being eaten. It happens all the time with my spam filter with no rhyme or reason. I finally sorted it out a few minutes ago when I got a break at work.

      Reply
  • Brittany (A Healthy Slice of Life) November 30, 2011, 11:06 am

    I’ve always heard it referred to as team green, but yellow sounds cheerier :)

    The great thing about pregnancy and babies? Similar to weddings, everyone gets to do what works best for them! Of course, everyone will have an opinion, but oh well. I heard plenty of annoyed reactions when we told people that WE knew the sex of our baby, but weren’t telling anyone.

    But can I tell you how awesome it was to have everything off our registry given to us at showers? It helped SO much and people bought our necessities because buying pink or blue wasn’t an option.

    Reply
  • Rachel November 30, 2011, 11:08 am

    Everytime I hear you talk about the husband being the one to tell you the sex right after the baby is born gives me chills. That is going to be so wonderful!

    My parents elected not to know what I was until I was born either. (Although I’m not sure how good the technology was at that point and whether or not they could tell in advance anyway)

    Reply
  • Sunny November 30, 2011, 11:08 am

    Yay team yellow! I’ve known for years that I do not want to find out the sex when I’m pregnant. Luckily my husband has known this and realizes we are not finding out (when we eventually decide to have kids). Although he’ll definitely be rooting for a boy ;)

    Reply
  • HTPDad November 30, 2011, 11:11 am

    Go Team Yellow!

    Reply
  • Sana November 30, 2011, 11:11 am

    Yeah, thanks to your blog I had a dream last night that I was preggo. It felt so real. I think I was a little disappointed that it was not real. I am sure the bf is THRILLED.

    Reply
  • Brittnie (A Joy Renewed) November 30, 2011, 11:13 am

    Good friends of ours just had their baby last night and they waited to find out boy or girl. It is a BOY and they were so excited and thankful that they waited. They were able to do their nursery in advance and it looks awesome – just neutrals that could go either direction. Personally I want to find out prior to birth (we get to on 12/20!) but I totally understand your wanting to wait. Really it will be a surprise either way… at 20 weeks or 40 weeks! So excited for you both! And yes I had less bloating once I hit the 2nd trimester and then the real baby bump started to really pop out a few weeks later!

    Reply
  • Kate (What Kate is Cooking) November 30, 2011, 11:24 am

    I don’t think I want to know the sex of my future children either. My parents never found out when my mom was pregnant and they liked the surprise!

    Reply
  • kathleen @ the daily crumb November 30, 2011, 11:27 am

    i love your attitude on the gender issue. i will probably find out because i’m a control freak and a total planner (and i can’t imagine not being able to shop for clothes!) but you’re “girl box” / “boy box” approach is very interesting.

    Reply
  • Emily November 30, 2011, 11:30 am

    Team Yellow all the way! I love your reasons for doing so! I’m a Women’s Studies major and we read all kinds of “Princess” theories.
    Here’s a link to a recent article we read called Boy or Girl? X: A Fabulous Child’s Story–it’s about a gender neutral home. http://tiltedworld.org/2009/07/22/boy-or-girl-x-a-fabulous-childs-story-by-lois-gould/

    Reply
  • Anne @strawberryjampackedlife November 30, 2011, 11:30 am

    I get sucked into episodes of “Supper Nanny” all the time! I really do enjoy her approach to discipline and I think that she helps many of the families.

    Oh yeah, and I’m Team Yellow, too! The husband and I debate this every so often. We’ll see what happens when we’re actually having a baby.

    As far as the girl box, being a femal engineer (married to an engineer), I’m hoping we’ll let our daughter be whatever she wants. And that she’s good at math and science. I don’t know about that English stuff.

    Reply
  • stephanie November 30, 2011, 11:38 am

    I’m 22 weeks along with my second baby and could not resist finding out that she’s a girl – that’s my personality though. At least when she kicks hard, I feel like she’s a soccer player, which is kind of gender neutral! But awesome for you for holding out for the surprise – this is your pregnancy, so do what makes you happy!

    Reply
    • Caitlin November 30, 2011, 11:39 am

      @stephanie: Congrats on your baby girl :) SO exciting.

      Reply
  • Carly (Swim, Run, Om) November 30, 2011, 11:39 am

    I don’t know if I’ll ever have a baby, but if I do I think I would want to wait. I once heard it described as hearing “It’s a girl!” or “It’s a boy!” as one of the last great surprises in life, which for some reason has always stuck with me. Plus, people seem to forget that knowing the gender beforehand is a rather new medical development … somehow the human race survived and thrived without knowing the gender before birth!

    Reply
  • Katie @ Peace Love and Oats November 30, 2011, 11:42 am

    I like the team yellow idea, although I don’t know if I’d be able to wait! My friend is due in February and they are also waiting to find out!

    Reply
  • Kim L. November 30, 2011, 11:43 am

    My husband and I didn’t find out the sex of either of our children (we had one of each). We figured there are so few surprises in life, why not have at least 2 big happy surprises! Also, yellow makes for an adorable nursery color : )

    Reply
  • Colette November 30, 2011, 11:44 am

    We have 3 precious girls and didn’t find out if they were boys/girls while I was preggo with any of them. It was so fun not knowing. It drove my mom and sister a little nuts… but it was so fun to have that big announcement that day and have it truly be a surprise! There are so few GOOD surprises anymore, why not! Love your choice.

    Reply
  • Rosa - Fitness Food Fulfilled November 30, 2011, 11:45 am

    I’m half way into the 12th week too and am feeling so much better. Those first 12 weeks really knock you out! I’m just getting super dizzy when I stand up too fast. I can handle that!
    My husband and I are planning to find out what our baby is (and I can’t wait), but I already think of it as a girl. Weird, I know. But I won’t be disappointed either way. I just want a healthy, happy baby.

    Reply
  • Amanda November 30, 2011, 11:46 am

    I used to watch lots of supernanny and parenting shows when I was pregnant because I didn’t have any kid experience either. Have you seen the new supernanny on Lifetime? She seems pretty awesome too!

    Reply
  • Joey November 30, 2011, 11:46 am

    I LOVE these updates & get so excited when I see babyHTP updates! Thanks for sharing this journey! :)

    Reply
  • Erin November 30, 2011, 11:50 am

    Congratulations to you! And congratulations on team yellow. I think it’s wonderful that you are sharing such a personal, and often very heated topic on your blog. I’m currently getting my Masters in Women’s and Gender studies and gender socialization starts in in the womb! This makes me think of the “scandal” that happened over that Jcrew ad last year. Where the mom was painting the boys nails pink. People were outraged exclaiming that she was “making him gay” or encouraging him to be transgender. No one would have said anything if it was an ad with a father playing football with his daughter.

    Reply
    • Caitlin November 30, 2011, 11:51 am

      @Erin: YES! I remember that ad. People flipped out, didnt they?

      Reply
    • Liz A November 30, 2011, 2:34 pm

      Wow, I guess I missed that ad. I think it’s so sad that people got so worked up about it.

      Reply
  • Laura November 30, 2011, 11:51 am

    I think I would probably want to find out the sex of the baby, but I’m all about team yellow. Coincidentally, its also my tactic for when I am going to a baby shower and can’t remember what they are having. “Oh, look at these cute gender neutral onesies!”

    Reply
  • Tiff @ Love Sweat and Beers November 30, 2011, 11:59 am

    Things seem to be coming along well. :D

    I’d want to know the gender of my baby (I’m impatient about surprises), but the hubs and I plan to at least have a gender-neutral nursery. Every little bit helps, right.

    Reply
  • Christy November 30, 2011, 12:01 pm

    Good for you!! We didn’t find out the sex either and it was amazing how many people were in an uproar about it. Especially the older women in the family, who do most of the shopping. lol! I felt it made my pregnancy more exciting because people enjoyed speculating what it’s going to be and there seemed to be a lot more buzz about it.

    We also didn’t tell people the name just to add even more suspense. We went to the hospital with a list of names for each gender and decided once he was in our arms.

    As for the nursery, we picked a gender neutral ocean theme since we used to live in Hawaii. But in all reality, you don’t have to have everything finished before the baby comes. You will have time to personalize it once you meet your little peanut. :) So excited for you!!

    Reply
  • Heather November 30, 2011, 12:04 pm

    They talked about that study in the book Origins- it’s stuck in my head ever since. I love not knowing the gender of our baby, but the comments from other people are just ridiculous sometimes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had my parenting skills judged & questioned because of it. Good thing I don’t feel like listening to them. ;)

    Reply
    • Hotpotatokate November 30, 2011, 9:41 pm

      I thought you might have been thinking of Origins too, as I’m pretty sure I bought it based on your recommendation! I really enjoyed it, and particularly remember that bit of the study. I have to say, I have never thought of my wee boy’s kicks as masculine in the slightest- but I don’t know if that’s because I’m going to be super awesome at gender neutrality, or because he doesn’t kick like a football player ;)

      Reply
  • Diana @ frontyardfoodie November 30, 2011, 12:05 pm

    I hope you get to feeling good! My bloating is going down a bit too thank goodness so I feel your relief on that one haha.

    Crazy how your bump has moved! I bet the lower bump was purely bloat, now that it’s down you can see the actual little bump popping out! So cute.

    Reply
  • Kiki November 30, 2011, 12:09 pm

    Congratulations on your pregnancy!! I thought you might like Gould’s “The Story of X”, which is a short story about raising… a Baby X. Reading your post today made me think of it and although the story is of course extreme (and fiction!) and I am not suggesting you are or want to do this, the interesting part is that it makes it really clear that we, as a culture, enforce sex roles and ‘gender’ our children. Anyway, it is online here: http://www.sa.ucsb.edu/women/blog/file.axd?file=2011%2F4%2FBabyX.pdf
    I love your blog!

    Reply
  • Heidi @ Food Doodles November 30, 2011, 12:13 pm

    I love that you’re team yellow :D We never found out with our first either and it was awesome. I did like finding out my last time though because it was nice to be able to plan, but really that’s the only reason. I only really care that the baby is healthy anyways, what does it matter if it’s pink or blue? I kind of think people getting upset about it is hilarious, it’s a pretty silly thing to get upset about.

    Reply
  • Shannon November 30, 2011, 12:21 pm

    God love Jo on Supernanny. I think I recently saw a commercial for a new “supernanny” show coming out really soon with a different nanny (Jo stopped because she wanted to focus on her own life and work towards having her own children). I am not a parent or anywhere close, but I will probably buy all the supernannys on dvd and take notes while pregnant! Jo knows her stuff!

    Reply
  • Kelly November 30, 2011, 12:32 pm

    I think your boobs like bigger!! ha! :)

    Reply
    • Kelly November 30, 2011, 12:33 pm

      look bigger.

      Reply
  • Megan November 30, 2011, 12:40 pm

    My husband and I have 5 kids, and were surprised with each one- literally! Our oldest is a boy and then we were blessed with 4 little girls. Each pregnancy I could have sworn it was going to be another boy. My jaw hit the floor when the doctor announced, “It’s another girl!” with the 4th girl. Shows how much I know!

    Yay! for Team Yellow. The anticipation is so much fun!!

    Reply
  • Heather November 30, 2011, 12:41 pm

    supernanny cracks me up. I love watching how awful some parents are and critiquing their methods. I guess its the former teacher in me!

    Reply
  • Shannon November 30, 2011, 12:51 pm

    You know what’s funny? When I was pg with my first, during my first tri one of the foods I HAD TO HAVE was hard-boiled eggs. Like, I was crazy for them. Sometimes it was an EMERGENCY to get one down my piehole. Ah, pregnancy. It’s so crazy!

    Reply
  • Kathryn November 30, 2011, 12:54 pm

    Yay for keeping it a surprise!!! My mom did this when she had me and said it kept her motivated through labor (which I’m sure was tough since I was over 9 lbs at birth!). When I have my first child I think I’ll do the same-unless I do one of those babyshowers where the color of the inside of the cake reveals the baby’s gender, those are so fun!

    Reply
  • Jessica @ The Process of Healing November 30, 2011, 12:54 pm

    I loooooove these baby updates! You are so cute pregnant!

    Reply
  • Elizabeth November 30, 2011, 12:55 pm

    I am not pregnant, but in the future if I do end up starting a family I don’t want to know the sex of the baby either! And I think you’re on to something with the ‘expectation theory’. How cool!! YAY for T2 :)

    Reply
  • Liz @ Tip Top Shape November 30, 2011, 12:56 pm

    Do you watch Gilmore Girls at all? The Team Yellow thing reminds me of an episode there where one of the main characters if pregnant but her husband refuses to know the sex beforehand. She ends up keeping all of the baby related stuff in a shed out back to not ruin the surprised, lol.

    Reply
  • chelsey @ clean eating chelsey November 30, 2011, 12:59 pm

    I’m too impatient not to want to know. My sister went in for an early ultrasound because she couldn’t wait to figure out what they were having. I’m sure I’ll be the same!!

    Reply
  • faith November 30, 2011, 1:03 pm

    Caitlin, this is the kind of HTP post that makes me want to applaud you. I love that you don’t fit into any neat little box. You are mainstream and you are alternative, although you really defy labels. You and HTP are a beautiful example of someone living a life that makes sense to them, while staying educated on issues and concerns.

    Reply
    • Caitlin November 30, 2011, 1:09 pm

      @faith: Thank you. SOmetimes it’s scary to do posts like this because I have stronger opinions and it’s nice to know that someone values me being brave enough to put myself out there!

      Reply
  • Mary @ stylefyles November 30, 2011, 1:05 pm

    My parent’s didn’t know our sexes before we were born, but apparently I kicked a lot vs. my older sister who fluttered. So my mom was convinced I’d be a boy. Turns out she was wrong but I AM a soccer player so….. makes sense! Male or female, when I have kiddoes I hope they’re kickers!

    Reply
  • Khushboo November 30, 2011, 1:06 pm

    I dont want to know my baby’s sex either when my time comes round! Boy or girl, all the baby is going to get from me is unconditional love!

    Reply
  • Ashley @ Cooking for John November 30, 2011, 1:09 pm

    I completely agree with you- both on not finding out the sex and not raising your child in a “box.” Awesome post! :)

    Reply
  • Laura November 30, 2011, 1:09 pm

    Back in college I did a paper on gender identity (specifically around nature vs. nurture) and was surprised to learn that the most intense period of gender assignment for children actually happens in early school-age (5-7 yrs) with other children exerting the most influence by pressuring other children to identify with clothes and play that followed “traditional” gender guidelines. Early childhood is generally a time of gender fluidity for most children, so even if parents TRY to instill certain gender stereotypes, they aren’t actually exerting much influence. That being said, I personally think your idea is a great one (my parents practiced something similar when I was growing up and regardless of peer influence I am extremely confident as an adult, mostly thanks to them I think! :-D).

    Reply
    • Caitlin November 30, 2011, 3:06 pm

      @Laura: INTERESTING! Do you still have a copy of the paper? I would love to read it!

      Reply
    • Liz November 30, 2011, 8:24 pm

      @Laura: Just wanted to chime and say YES to Laura’s comment. I am finishing up my psychology degree and we just discussed in my social psych class the fact that parental influence is often way overestimated in comparison to peer influences, particularly in school age children.

      Reply
  • Rebecca November 30, 2011, 1:17 pm

    I LOVE that you are thinking outside the girl/boy box. I really do believe that stereotyping genders is very, very harmful. It leaves room for people to say “You’re less of a man if…” or “You’re not acting like a proper woman if…” It’s just so harmful and degrading, and I hope that more people will start thinking like you!

    I really believe that going all pink or blue (or buying all dolls/trucks, etc.) tries to put kids (and then people) in a box rather than allowing each individual to be him or herself. Kudos!

    Reply
  • Laura @ She Eats Well November 30, 2011, 1:17 pm

    That is so exciting. I am too impatient to not find out…the curiosity would drive me nuts! I think it is wonderful that you are not labeling or putting you/the baby into any sort of stereotyped box. Go Team Yellow!

    Reply
  • Candice @ Sailing on Paper November 30, 2011, 1:17 pm

    Did your hear about the Swedish (?) couple who are raising their child gender-less? The child is probably 2 or 3 by now but no one but the parents knows the sex. It’s an interesting experiment, and most people probably wouldn’t go so far, but I think it’s really great that you’re trying something new. Gender IS a social construct, and allowing yourself to be free from those norms will help your child develop in the best way for him/her. Thanks for being so honest about your choices!

    Reply
  • Kath November 30, 2011, 1:17 pm

    I took a whole class called “Men and Masculinity” at Davidson as well as “Gender And Society” and the studies we discussed were just incredibly eye-opening about all this gender stuff.

    Reply
  • Nicole Mullins November 30, 2011, 1:17 pm

    You definitely have a much more refreshed look on your face this week! Hope your second trimester is a good one! I love your reasons for being team yellow but I just don’t think I could do it, lol! We found out I was having a girl as soon as possible and we just always have tried to make the conscious effort to not put her in a gender “box”. We joked that my little girl was taking after her dad already, who is really into mixed martial arts; we would see her blocking her face and kicking me in the ultrasounds. Oh, and I don’t think your decision will keep readers like me from guessing based off all your food aversions. For instance the egg thing makes me say girl! :)

    Reply
  • Heather November 30, 2011, 1:18 pm

    I think it’s cool that you’re waiting. We didn’t because I was too excited to wait, but we’re also weirdos. Our daughter wears a lot of boy clothes because she loves robots and dinosaurs, although her favorite color is pink. She also doesn’t have much hair still (she’s 2.5) so most people think she’s a boy. She so could care less. She wears her tutu to hammer at her tool bench, and when I was pregnant with her I was far too concerned with keeping her from wedging her toes under my ribs to be describing her movements at all! :) Anyway, we’re doing what we can to go as neutral on gender as possible, which means banning all princess-themed gifts when we can, which causes no end of grief from friends and family.

    Reply
    • Caitlin November 30, 2011, 3:05 pm

      @Heather: Your daughter sounds awesome :) :) And I think a ban of princess crap is a good idea – have you read Cinderella Ate My Daughter?

      Reply
  • Sarah @ w30 November 30, 2011, 1:20 pm

    Wahoo Team Yellow!
    I guess you will always have to have the Husband say, “that is unacceptable.” ;)

    Reply
  • Katie November 30, 2011, 1:32 pm

    Aw, I love hearing about your tiny baby’s growth and development. You are seriously growing a miracle in there!

    Reply
  • marci November 30, 2011, 1:33 pm

    I am not finding out what we’re having either! It actually keeps me more calm I think. And I think the “it’s a __!” is the coolest thing and I can’t wait for my husband to tell our families what it is. I hope he records the reaction too!

    Reply
  • Janelle November 30, 2011, 1:36 pm

    We never found out what we were having with either child (both boys!). Love the surprise!

    As a bonus, at my shower I got the “stuff” (in gender neutral colors) we actually needed for the baby, instead of cutesy outfits that the baby will wear once. Everyone likes to buy clothes, but if they don’t know what you’re having, they get you the items you really need! (and, lucky us, we got lots, and lots, and LOTS of clothes after the babies were born).

    Reply
  • Sarena (The Non Dairy Queen) November 30, 2011, 1:37 pm

    I’m hoping the second trimester is full of energy and fun times (horizontal and vertical)! I think it’s great you two are waiting to find out the sex of the little one. I kind of wish I waited, but I liked knowing too. Honestly, about having no experience with raising kids, I know you two will be great parents. You both have such kind hearts. Parenting is not the same for any kid. We have two boys and they are COMPLETE opposites. They are best friends, but they way they compute things and deal with things is completely different. Honestly, the way they were in the womb was completely different too. Jay use to stretch and just stay there. His body parts would just stick out of my belly. Max on the other hand would head butt my groin nonstop. When he was little, he would actually head butt things. This should and does explain a lot about them. I love them both the same and each day is an adventure with both of them.

    I am so happy for you two! I hope you have a great afternoon!

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  • Rebecca @ Naturally Healthy and Gorgeous November 30, 2011, 1:44 pm

    How exciting! And congratulations!

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  • Selena November 30, 2011, 1:46 pm

    We have 3 and didn’t find out with any of them. I think it is funny how people react when you tell them you aren’t finding out. Why do they care so much? I think it is a really good idea to not find out with the first. Then when you have another you already have a neutral room and neutral newborn clothes to get you started. And a totally greedy reason…I think you get more stuff. People buy things for the shower then they bring gender specific clothes when the baby comes.

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  • Jessica November 30, 2011, 1:48 pm

    I wanted to be the kind of person who didn’t want to find out, but it just didn’t work, lol. I still said things like “she’s going to be good at karate” or “she’s quite the boxer” even though she was a girl though.

    It’s exciting either way! I love the babyHTP updates!

    Reply
  • lauren November 30, 2011, 1:48 pm

    That will be such an awesome surprise come delivery day! I’m not sure I’d be able to wait though :)

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  • Liz A November 30, 2011, 1:50 pm

    I like the idea of not finding out the gender, but I’m not sure if we’ll go that route or not.

    I’m also very supportive of raising children outside of the typical gender roles. I work with children, and almost daily I find myself making a comment such as, “What do you mean purple is a girl color? Boys can like purple!” or “She absolutely can pretend to be a bad guy if she wants to – it’s her choice”. I do find it interesting that you used the terms Team Pink, Team Blue, and Team Yellow. Why does pink always have to automatically mean girl? It just goes to show how much gender-types have been engrained into our brains by society. Sometimes we don’t even realize we are promoting them!

    And lastly – I think you should browse NAEYC.org. It’s a great resource for learning about young children’s development, especially for someone who has very little experience with kids. Check out this short article: http://www.naeyc.org/content/what-research-says-gender-typed-toys Not everything on the website is available to non-members, but it’s a good starting point!

    Reply
    • Caitlin November 30, 2011, 3:03 pm

      @Liz A: The Team Blue or Pink is a term on baby message boards :)

      That link was VERY interesting. Thanks for passing it along.

      Reply
    • Rachel November 30, 2011, 10:08 pm

      @Liz A:

      I also found it interesting that you would describe boys and girls as team blue and team pink. It seems to go completely against your message. My oldest son’s favorite color was pink until he was about seven. His favorite toy was a “girl” toy. His preferences have changed but he has always been a male, even when cheering for team pink.

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  • Shayna November 30, 2011, 1:58 pm

    We didn’t find out the sex of either of our two children (2 girls, now 5 and 3) and I wouldn’t change a thing looking back. There are very few happy surprises in life once you become an adult, and this is definitely one of them. There is nothing like that moment when the baby arrives, and you and your husband see the sex together.

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  • Elisabeth November 30, 2011, 2:10 pm

    Go Team Yellow! I love your reasoning behind not finding out the name – fascinating stuff :)

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  • Crystal November 30, 2011, 2:13 pm

    I think this is a great post because it may cause people who are expecting a baby to question why they want to know the gender. I think too much emphasis is placed on gender, and it does start with the parents.

    My parents were questioned by friends AND strangers for their lack of gender distinction. They always felt they had to defend themselves when people asked why I was wearing a blue baby hoodie, playing football, or excelling in science and math (and sucking at ballet). When I overheard these comments or questions, I felt embarrassed that I was not more “girly.”

    Now that I’m grown, I don’t care, and I attribute a lot of my successes to being the ball-busting science nerd that my parents raised.

    I do think it is harder for boys in a way, because it is viewed as a little more acceptable these days for girls to play sports and wear blue, whereas boys who are dressed in pink and who like to bake are viewed as effeminate. And unfortunately, I have heard many male friends with children make comments like “My son will not wear a pink onesie” and “No son of mine is going to dance class.” :(

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    • Caitlin November 30, 2011, 3:02 pm

      @Crystal: That’s so sad! If I have a son who likes to dance, I would be so proud. Male dancers are awesome.

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  • Casey @ Pocket Full of Sunshine November 30, 2011, 2:14 pm

    This is so interesting, Caitlin—I agree that our kids should be whoever they want to be, and we shouldn’t force them into any boxes! But, I do think there have always been two genders, and there are basic differences that have always been around and will be. They are part of celebrating who we are, too—I know lots of little girls who really like to be girly, and I don’t think anyone made them be—girls are generally born more emotional, and guys usually don’t overthink the way we do. It’s kind of the way it is, and a big part of why I love my BF—he helps me be more rational. I think most of the time, we are born that way, and I enjoy the differences!

    I guess my point is, I don’t mind putting an adorable pink dress on my little girl and a pink bow in her hair until she says, “I don’t like it,” and then I would hand her a pair of pants! Just my two cents. :)

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    • Caitlin November 30, 2011, 3:02 pm

      @Casey @ Pocket Full of Sunshine: My girlie will get bows and stuff too :)

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    • Rebecca November 30, 2011, 3:09 pm

      @Casey @ Pocket Full of Sunshine: That’s actually not quite right. The problem with assessing what’s “natural” for each gender is that we live in a society that forces gender roles on children from day one. Many studies suggest that these stereotypes are not actually “natural” or the “way it is.” It’s fine if girls want bows, but no one should assume they do because they’re girls. Essentialist arguments about gender are also often used to promote homophobia. I think it’s important to be careful about such things.

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    • Eliza November 30, 2011, 7:10 pm

      @Casey @ Pocket Full of Sunshine: Gender essentialist arguments, like suggesting that men are more rational or women “over think,” have also been a tool in the oppression of women. Think about the arguments that socially conservative people might use against a woman running for political office: she is too emotional, she will make emotional choices, she won’t be grounded in reality, she will be distracted by her personal life, etc. Men and women are certainly socialized differently: little boys are discouraged from showing emotions (except anger), women are encouraged to prioritize love above career, etc. But these things have nothing to do with sex, and they are not connected to body parts.
      Its fine for girls to like bows, and its fine for boys to like bows. Its fine for women to consider themselves to be “more emotional” and its fine for men to consider themselves to be that way. However, the problem is that society put value judgements on these things: being rational is superior to being emotional, a boy playing with dolls is “cute” but not as normal as a boy playing with trucks, etc.

      This is a really complicated topic, and certainly not as simple as pink, blue, or yellow. My best friend’s daughter hit a princess stage around the time she turned 4, despite her mom’s adamant and brilliant feminist parenting. So we buy her crowns and pink tutus, because that is what she enjoys. But we also encourage her to imagine different endings to fairy tales, we take her outside and play in the mud, we compliment her strength and her intelligence in addition to telling her she is pretty. And she is just fine.

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  • Amber K November 30, 2011, 2:15 pm

    I think it’s so cool that there are still people that are patient enough to wait. Me? I want to find out as early as possible if I get pregnant. I want to know!

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  • Allison R. November 30, 2011, 2:22 pm

    I’ve been a longtime reader and I love love LOVE this post. I’m a Gender and Women’s Studies major at the University of Wisconsin, and we did a few weeks worth of lectures all about sex vs. gender, and how sex is biological whereas gender is socially constructed. It’s awesome that you are going to raise your little one to be whomever he/she wants to be! :)

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  • Annette @ EnjoyYourHealthyLife November 30, 2011, 2:22 pm

    you’re hilarious! I think its great you’ve decided what you want. I totally WANT to know and think it’s crazy to wait, but I see your point as well.

    Keep it up :)

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  • Rachel November 30, 2011, 2:41 pm

    I’ve told you before that having my husband tell me “it’s a girls” was the best moment of my life. LOVE that you’re going to do that too :) Team green (yellow!) all the way!!!

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    • Caitlin November 30, 2011, 3:00 pm

      @Rachel: Wahhhhh! So beautiful!!!

      Reply
  • Colleen November 30, 2011, 2:46 pm

    We found out the sex of our three kiddos, but since they’ve been born we don’t try to push typical gender elements on each one. For instance, we didn’t buy any pink for our girl until she actually started showing an interest in it (pointing then asking for it) – same thing with hair items. Our girl is also the only one that will sit down and watch football – our two boys careless about the sport. My oldest son can seriously draw – actually wanted to take a drawing class over sports this fall – and wears his emotions on his sleeve. However, they are play with stuff animals, tractors and trucks, get muddy beyond belief, and love the same PBS shows.

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  • Carly D. @ CarlyBananas November 30, 2011, 2:49 pm

    Hi Caitlin, Just curious – what will you do if you have a little girl who likes all things pink/girly? Do you try to redirect her attention to more neutral things or just embrace what she likes?

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    • Caitlin November 30, 2011, 2:59 pm

      @Carly D. @ CarlyBananas: That’s cool! I just don’t want her to feel like she HAS to like pink or there’s something wrong with her :) I like pink!

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  • Jennifer November 30, 2011, 2:51 pm

    I love this!! I think not finding out the sex of the baby is the best surprise a couple could ever have. Totally understand why people want to find out, and that’s cool, but if it were me, there would be nothing better than the emotional moment of finding out after laboring. Plus, yellow is one of my favorite colors so it’s something I would be drawn to regardless.

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  • Jennifer @ Eat With Knowledge November 30, 2011, 2:52 pm

    I just went to the Renfrew conference on eating disorders and they talked about the pink/blue/yellow debate!! Basically they said that the research out there shows that people really do try to put their kids in the “pink” or “blue” category and it really helps fuel the fire to focus more on appearance, looks, etc. rather than what’s inside (which helps create eating disorders which is why the discussion was taking place at the conference). The toy companies do it too with barbies for girls, “hero” toys for boys, etc. The author of the book “Cinderella Ate My Daughter” spoke as well, I haven’t read the book but she was a great speaker. I think what you are doing is wonderful!!!

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  • Kimberly November 30, 2011, 2:55 pm

    One of the few surprises left in this world…I would want to wait too!

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  • RunEatRepeat November 30, 2011, 3:37 pm

    Ben’s sister was the same way with her first 2 babies – she did not want to push characteristics on them. However, I am very odd in that my mom never wanted me to be a dancer, girly girl princess and I begged to be in ballet and cheerleading. I think my personality made me who I am, not my parents.

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  • Jamie November 30, 2011, 3:45 pm

    I guess now that I am thinking about it that I am a little guilty of gender stereotypes. My son seems to naturally be attracted to superheros, trains, cars, etc. but I wonder if I have pushed this on him? I like to think that I am open minded but I did not let him paint his nails when he asked me when he was younger and have never bought him any “girlie toys”. I also have been a little wary of putting him in a dance class despite his interest in it. This is not because of my own bias or homophobia though, I am worried about him getting picked on. He is very sensitive and believe it or not, there are already cliques in his Pre-K class. He is already somewhat bullied and I don’t want them to have more fuel. Maybe I will re-think that though. Thanks for the post.

    Reply
    • CaitlinHTP November 30, 2011, 3:47 pm

      @Jamie: I can definitely understand the desire to protect your kid from being picked on… but think of it this way – the best defense about being teased is being self-confident! So if dance makes him happier, maybe it will even out in the end. Also you could put him in dance classes that were a little more co-ed… like hip hop :) That would be so cute.

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    • Liz A November 30, 2011, 4:24 pm

      @Jamie: you shouldn’t feel bad (if you do) that you have been promoting the gender stereotypes a bit with your son. it sounds like you are just trying to keep him happy, and that is being a great mom! the gender thing is so prevalent in our society that it’s hard to avoid it. at least now you’re aware of it! :)

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  • ~Jessica~ November 30, 2011, 3:57 pm

    I really respect you for waiting to see the gender of your baby until the actual birth. I really, REALLY respect your philosophy on gender expectations. As someone with gender and sexuality issues, being expected by society to ‘conform’ to a weak, girlish, ‘pink’ stereotype and being bullied for being a tomboy was a horrible experience. If more parents adopted your approach, and taught their children to be themselves, irrespective of ‘shoulds’ with regard to gender, then I never would have encountered such hateful words and attitudes. My parents were so loving and supportive, and I am still grateful to them for that – my Mum didn’t bat an eyelid when I wanted my hair cut short and to play Sonic the Hedgehog video games. I also liked My Little Ponies though – I just liked what I liked I suppose. It’s a shame boys, in particular, don’t get to do the same.

    If that gluten-free bread is anything like the UK brands, the slices ARE absolutely tiny. I truly hope no-one left a negative comment about having two! It’s not a lot of food at all. It can’t be easy as such an esteemed HLB having the world scrutinize you for every little thing – I admire how strong a woman you are for putting your views out there with such dignity and class.

    xxx

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  • Melissa November 30, 2011, 4:03 pm

    Hi Caitlin,

    I am the mom of 2 kids (14 and 10) and we didn’t find out what we were having either time. I respect everyone’s decision on what they do, but I felt like there are few surprises like that in life. It truly is a magical moment when you finally hear whether the baby is a he or a she! There are plenty of cute nursery and clothing options that are neutral until you know what you need to get more of! Not to mention you will get so many gifts that you wont need to buy much right away!

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  • Maria November 30, 2011, 4:12 pm

    LOVE that you and your husband are “Team Yellow”! And I got teary and eyed and smiled when I read that you want your husband to announce boy/girl. I’m not pregnant yet, but it’s definitely something that will happen in the future so naturally hubs and I talk about our unborn children. I don’t want to know what we’re having b/c there are so few surprises in life (and ultrasounds aren’t 100%). He on the other hand does because he thinks it will be easier to plan things. So I really like the idea having him be the one to tell me boy/girl. I’ll have to mention this when the time comes…I’m been sworn to no more baby talk until there’s a baby to talk about! hehe!

    Reply
    • CaitlinHTP November 30, 2011, 4:13 pm

      @Maria: You could ask the ultrasound tech to write it down on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope, and then when you get home, your husband could open it and tell you!

      Reply
  • Sara November 30, 2011, 4:33 pm

    i think waiting to find out the sex for those reasons is admirable…i was at work (in an ice cream/cupcake shop) and a little girl got “superman” ice cream and the dad was pointing out different colors and asking her which ones were ‘girl’ colors and which were ‘boy’ colors…i was so disappointed by the emphasis on gender stereotyping…oh and we learned in human growth and development class that kids grasp these concepts of “gender roles” by the age of two!!!

    happy baby bump!

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  • Priyanka November 30, 2011, 4:35 pm

    I like how clear and definite you are with your thinking!
    The pregnancy and parenting styles in US and India are so different. In India finding the sex of the baby is illegal, so its a surprise for all parents. So kids are raised in a neutral atmosphere rather than colorizing them. I know most of our baby outfits were yellow, green and white (with some gender specific thrown in here and there).

    And when it comes to parenting, when mum says no..it means, it really is out of bounds, so stop. Parents in India are stern when they want the kid to do something.

    PS: I am very very very curious to find out the sex of my baby :)

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  • Katherine November 30, 2011, 4:41 pm

    I love that you are going to wait to find out the sex. I want to do the same when me and hubs have kids and people think it is so weird. I always get the comment about decorating the nursery and clothes. I guess I figure the first few weeks will revolve around eating, peeing, pooping and naps that a 4 am feeding is also a great time for some online shopping :)

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  • Nikky November 30, 2011, 4:44 pm

    This is probably strange, but I’m loving that you’re only about 2 days off from me (I’ll be 12 weeks Fridayish). It’s almost like having a buddy. I look forward to reading your thoughts every week!

    I am finding out the sex, but I really want to make sure my child doesn’t feel pushed into being more girly or boyish. My grandma and mom were really good about it… I LOVED Ninja Turtles and Batman, but Barbies and (the original!) Polly Pockets were awesome too. Of course, everything paled in comparison to my love of Zorro (master sword-stick fighter, right here) I hope to raise my kids so they can be as comfortable as I was just being into whatever they happen to like.

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  • Melissa @ Be Not Simply Good November 30, 2011, 5:19 pm

    I never thought about gender stereotyping while baby is in utero, but now that you mentioned it, we had one clear example. My daughter kept her legs crossed during the ultrasound, so we couldn’t tell for sure. We were told that they thought she was a girl, but couldn’t be 100% sure and there were comments about her keeping her legs crossed to be ladylike. Never thought much about it til right now.

    I just want to say that I think it’s great that you’re taking pictures along the way. I never did that, and I think there are only maybe one or two pictures taken of me while I was pregnant. I wish I would have made a point of it.

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  • Jolene (Homespun Heritage) November 30, 2011, 5:22 pm

    We did not find out the sex of our baby and we were thrilled to be surprised! We will wait to be surprised every time! We do not raise them gender neutral though…we do encourage our girls to be feminine (and modest) as the Lord created women to be feminine and we encourage our boys to be masculine as the Lord created men to be men. We do, however, love seeing our boys hug on a babydoll as he practices how to be the best daddy he can be (at 6 yrs old)! And we love seeing our girls digging for worms in their polka-dotted skirts. We truly feel its balanced well.

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  • Jennifer T November 30, 2011, 5:30 pm

    Team yellow! We didn’t find out with either of ours either and I wouldn’t change a thing. (By the way, I have some cute yellow and blue Pottery Barn Kids crib bedding you’re welcome to – I’m in Tega Cay!)

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  • Dee November 30, 2011, 5:32 pm

    Love your thoughts on gender neutrality! I’m definitely on team yellow. I think when my time comes, I want to know in advance due to curiosity, but I plan to neutral color my kiddo and encourage all kinds of play like you described.

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  • Courtney November 30, 2011, 6:13 pm

    Hi Caitlin,

    I’ve never commented on your blog but I’m a long time reader! I’m 36 weeks pregnant to the day actually and we are also not finding out the gender. Way to go girl! It hasn’t been nearly as hard as I thought it would be and I’m definitely a “Type A Planner”. One of the best things that we’ve experienced about not finding out the sex, is that when it comes time for your baby shower, you’ll get so many practical items from your registry vs. tons of the cutest clothes you’ve ever seen. As I’m told, people will shower you with those cute clothes once the baby arrives anyway. We got all the practical goods for our shower and still some gender neutral clothes. It has saved us a bunch of money in the long run I think. Anyway, just my two sense. Congratulations on your little nugget and I look forward to continuing to read more about your journey.

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    • Caitlin November 30, 2011, 7:42 pm

      @Courtney: Congrats on your prengnacy :)

      Reply
  • Rebecca November 30, 2011, 6:22 pm

    The whole “gender box for kids” topic is very interesting! I’d love to hear more about it.

    Reply
  • katie@newmamamac.blogspot.com November 30, 2011, 6:57 pm

    what is this obsession with finding out the sex so you can decorate the nursery? there are far more important things that will be on your mind. i am a bigger fan of greens and yellows anyway. we didnt find out with our son (born may 17th) and it was the best decision ive ever made. seeing my husband throw his hands up in the air and yell “its a boy” before the doctor even had a chance was a moment i will never, ever forget. that moment was far more important to me than decorating the nursery.

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  • Mary November 30, 2011, 7:55 pm

    I didn’t find out what I was having with any of my children (and btw, I am an OB/GYN so I had plenty of chances!). I definitely think it is a special moment when the baby is born and you finally find out what you have been waiting 9 months for. Enjoy all the time anticipating – it’s like Christmas x 1000!

    Reply
  • Emily November 30, 2011, 9:22 pm

    Caitlin, what’s your go-to recipe for oatmeal? I see you eat it a lot, and was wondering how you make it. Thanks!

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  • Katie @ Healthy Heddleston November 30, 2011, 9:42 pm

    My doctor told me 50% of people don’t find out the sex of the baby — I thought it was going to be much lower! Guess lots of people are team yellow :)

    Reply
  • Nicole November 30, 2011, 9:58 pm

    Just a funny story…my nephew, who is 2.5, LOVES to play with his matchbox cars in a gigantic pink and purple Barbie mansion (dumpster dive find) and a Hello Kitty house (mine from childhood).

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  • Katie (Sweet Tater) November 30, 2011, 10:09 pm

    i’d wait to find out the sex, too. such a thrill.

    Reply
  • Willow @ My Own Trail November 30, 2011, 10:16 pm

    Your post summarizes EXACTLY why we didn’t find out the sex with either of our children. I will say, finding out the sex after the baby is born is an amazing experience. It relly does serve as that “carrot” through labor.

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  • Amber November 30, 2011, 10:23 pm

    I love that you’re waiting to find out the gender of the baby. Life’s greatest surprise! Only a handful of my pregnant friends waited, but I always thought it was so special to keep it a secret. And I have definitely heard that the second trimester is much, much better. Hang in there!

    Reply
  • Connie November 30, 2011, 11:06 pm

    I just love reading about all your baby progress. It’s so exciting!!

    I love all of the work you do with Girls on the Run, it’s very inspiring!

    Reply
  • Alison November 30, 2011, 11:06 pm

    We are not “finding out” either, and I’ve found that others who wait to find out get SO excited to hear this – like they’ve got another one in their club. haha. I love surprises so am highly enjoying the anticipation. My mom has not-so-secretly been buying girl clothes though :)

    Reply
  • Sarah November 30, 2011, 11:09 pm

    So first off thanks for the update, love following along even if I’m a year or two from being there myself (hopefully) Anyway love that you’re not finding out what you’re having, I think that’s great…tonight I was searching for some Christmas gifts, saw this and thought of this post…haha http://www.perpetualkid.com/gender-neutral-baby-shower-gift.aspx

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  • Jill December 1, 2011, 7:25 am

    I agree, you do look like you are feeling better in these pictures. Hopefully you’ll be looking forward to feeling better and increased energy for the long haul! My husband and I don’t want to find out the gender of our child when we are pregnant either (hopefully soon!) so I completely understand your decision!

    Reply
  • Katie December 1, 2011, 9:12 am

    Good for you! We just had a baby girl 6 weeks ago and we waited to find out until she was born! Best surprise of my life. And you know what? She has tons of clothes (mostly brought to the hospital) and loves her blue and green nursery! I guess I don’t really know the last part, but I do know we would do it again!

    Reply
  • Debbie December 1, 2011, 9:25 am

    I found out the gender of my son at the 20 weeks scan because I’m impatient like that :) however I really like what you have to say about gender stereotypes. I don’t really care what colour my son wears (although he does look bad in pink but then so do I – it’s our colouring I think) and he can play with whatever toys he likes. His favourites are trains and his toy kitchen, also my broom. The other day he was running around the house wearing nothing but a blue apron and a pink and silver tiara, hoovering the living room rug for me. Whatever makes him happy :)

    Reply
  • Kerry December 1, 2011, 9:36 am

    My sister had her first child in August and also waited to find out the gender. I was in the delivery room and it was the most magical moment that I’ve been a part of. I think knowing the gender and buying every stereotypical color for that particular sex loses sight of just having a “healthy baby”.

    The cool thing about neutral colors is that we’ve come a long way from yellow and green. Red, gray, black!? perfect. Those are the first colors a baby can see anyway. :)

    Congratulations!

    Reply
  • Jenna December 1, 2011, 9:59 am

    My thoughts exactly, everything you said I feel like I could have written. We do disagree a bit on things like whether we will ever use the phrase “Boys don’t cry” or an equivalent though. I am really anti, but husband was bullied growing up and he doesn’t think it is worth having a “sensitive boy” who gets picked on and suffers through grade school. But maybe we will end up home schooling so that won’t be an issue!

    And I totally wrote the same thing about wanting the gender to be a bit of a “carrot” during delivery. It really was too, I was so excited to find out if it was a boy or a girl, and had strict instructions that no one was to tell me, I wanted to figure it out on my own!

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  • Lauren December 1, 2011, 10:50 am

    SUCH a good point you brought up! You’re always on the cutting edge haha. But seriously, everything you said is soo true! I’m definitely guilty of it myself from time to time. i always try to be cognizant of what I say around my little cousins, but sometimes you just fall back into the societal expectations. It’s hard because one side of my family is SO into appearances and “girls being girls” (pink, ballet, barbies) and “boys being boys” (hockey, trucks, encourages rough housing and fighting- I know BAFFLING). I HATE it
    :( Makes family stuff difficult cause my Mom and I are constantly trying to educate and *gently* reconstruct/reframe their views but somehow we’re always seen as the “crazy” ones. Hmph

    Reply
    • Lauren December 1, 2011, 11:02 am

      @Lauren: Also, just read Jen’s comment about appearances, gender stereotypes and “Cinderella ate my daughter.” I guess it’s no coincidence that both myself and my cousin (on that side of the family) suffer from anorexia. Your kids are so lucky to have such an informed Mom, Caitlin!

      Reply
  • Stephanie Clement December 1, 2011, 1:00 pm

    Your baby journey makes me creepily happy! I honestly well-up every baby post I read! I’m so happy and excited for you!

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  • Nicole Marie December 1, 2011, 1:01 pm

    This type of post is exactly why I love your blog!

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  • Julia H. @ The Petite Spiel December 1, 2011, 2:47 pm

    GO TEAM YELLOW!! I’ve always wanted to wait to find out the sex, too (I’m no where near being a mother, but it’s still something we all think about!). It seems to me like the most amazing surprise a person will ever experience, so how could someone not want that surprise??

    Btw, you should post a picture from your first bump-photo-taking week along with the other 2 in these posts, so you can see how far you’ve come from the beginning!

    Reply
  • Stephanie December 1, 2011, 7:08 pm

    I totally agree with expectation theory and labeling theory – to a point. I have two boys and they are most definitely masculine slanted despite my best efforts at remaining neutral. Although my older sons favorite color is purple so… I dont know. I am firm believer in giving children room to be anything that they are. I think that I was most surprised at how much children just ARE WHO THEY ARE from birth. One son is much more nurturing and emotional and the other is more aggressive, active, and intense. They just came that way!

    A note on finding out the gender: I wasn’t big on the whole needing to know so I can shop or create a nursery or whatever. (Although I get it and dont knock it for others). For me, it was more a matter of bonding with the baby. My Sis-in-Law did not find out with her first two and did with the second two (she has 4) and she agreed that when she knew the gender ahead of time and could give the baby a name that she felt closer to the baby when he or she was born. Anyway, just a thought…

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  • Sara December 2, 2011, 1:33 pm

    I always thought I didn’t want to find out the sex of our baby, but I am not sure. My parents didn’t find out when they had me. I’m sure it is fun as a surprise–just hope I can’t wait. (No, I am not pregnant now ..)

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  • Jolene (www.everydayfoodie.ca) December 4, 2011, 12:20 pm

    I definitely do not want to find out if I am having a boy or girl when I am pregnant one day. Like you, I want the surprise of “It’s a ______.” So many people tell me that I won’t be able to wait, which really bothers me because of course I will be able to wait. I am not the type to open Christmas presents before Christmas, and I don’t want to know the sex of my baby until his/her birthday.

    Reply
  • kim November 1, 2012, 4:11 am

    i know this is old but… wanted to comment.. dont know if you managed to not find out til delivery. i was 100% team yellow, however… im also a radiologist and scan myself at least once a week.. twin B decided I had to see his bits repeatedly despite my efforts not to look.. at which point i had to know what twin A was… part of me regrets giving up team yellow, but team purple is pretty cool too

    Reply
    • Caitlin November 1, 2012, 8:32 am

      Congrats!!!!

      Reply

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