Hi friends! I am going to take the night off from food blogging (all my eats were pretty unexciting, except I had 1 million cups of tea to stay awake). I need to disconnect.
But, I wanted to leave you with an interesting passage from a book that I am slowly reading called â€œDonâ€™t Sweat the Small Stuff in Loveâ€ by Richard Carlson and Kristine Carlson. The book describes itself as â€œsimple ways to nurture and strengthen your relationships while avoiding the habits that break down your loving connection.â€
I like to read relationship advice books, but not because the Husband and I are having any problems. :) Weâ€™re awesome together! But, I find these books helpful because we got married so young (24 is young!), and I know that we both have a lot of growing to do.
This passage really stuck out to me, and I think it can be applied to all relationships, not just romantic ones. Iâ€™d love to hear your thoughts on this.
#49: Take Responsibility for Your Own Happiness (page 134 â€“ 136)
Unfortunately, one of the biggest relationship mistakes also happens to be one of the most tempting things to do if you are in a relationship: Make your partner responsible for your happiness, and blame him or her when you are not.
Itâ€™s a little scary to listen to many of the popular songs on the radio. So often the message is, â€œYou make me happy; Iâ€™d be lost without you; you are my world,â€ or other, similar types of messages that take away all the power and responsibility to make yourself happy and put it on someone else. Wow! If you think about it, thatâ€™s an enormous amount of pressure to put on another person. Itâ€™s like saying, â€œI canâ€™t always be happy myself – but if youâ€™re going to be with me, youâ€™d better make me happy.â€â€¦.
What weâ€™ve found is that if you believe that the answer to your unhappiness lies in someone elseâ€™s hands (no matter how much you love them), youâ€™re in for a load of trouble. Even if they manage to accommodate you with occasional changes, youâ€™ll come to rely on those changes for your continued happiness. There will be only one possible result. Eventually, you will be let down and you will feel discouraged. Youâ€™ll be left with that helpless and dependent â€œItâ€™s her faultâ€ feeling. â€˜
Donâ€™t get us wrong. Weâ€™re not saying your partner shouldnâ€™t play a role in your happinessâ€¦. What we are saying is that, ultimately, you and you alone are responsible for making yourself happy. When your life isnâ€™t working, you need to make changes or see things differently. You may have to make difficult choices, have painful or uncomfortable discussions, or compromise in some way â€“ but you have to take responsibility for your own level of happiness. There isnâ€™t a relationship good enough to do it for you.
This is a very empowering insight for you and your partner. In effect, you are making a statement to yourself that, while your relationship is absolutely a top priority and your love of your partner is immense, you have the power and the ability to make yourself happy.
You are also taking a great deal of pressure off your partner. You are saying â€¦ â€œYou donâ€™t have to worry that Iâ€™ll freak out every time you disappoint me. You even have my permission to be less than perfect. I am okay even when you are not okay, and I love you as unconditionally as I know how.â€
Youâ€™ll be amazed at how much happier youâ€™ll be when you put the responsibility for your own happiness where it belongs â€“ with you.