Eight months old!
Oh, my little boy. You seem more and more like a big boy every single day. It makes me happy and sad all at once. I remember when you were so tiny in my arms but couldn’t do many fun things, and now you make my arms ache from your heft and can do so many neat tricks. You’re growing up SO FAST!
We’ll start things off with a quick fitness/body update and then move onto the topic that been weighing on my mind – breastfeeding.
Overall, I’m feeling great! Much like last month, not much has changed. I’ve been taking it easy since my last half marathon, achieving 3 – 5 workouts a week. But to be honest, I’m not putting in that much effort. It’s kind of nice to ‘phone it in’ and just exercise to maintain the habit. I’d like to rev things up before triathlon season, of course, but I’ve got a little bit of time. And I’ve got a lot of other stuff going on.
Can I just say that we’ve been sleeping SO WELL lately?! Three cheers for sleep training. Best thing I ever did. I look back on the Month 1 – 4 pictures and think that I look like I was hit by a truck. Sleep is so amazing.
Onto the ‘mind’ update…
This is a big month for me. I’ve decided to stop breastfeeding. I am extremely proud of myself for making it eight months, especially considering that I exclusively pumped for six of them. In total, I have pumped over 1,000 times, producing more than 5,400 ounces of breastmilk. Five thousand and four hundred ounces! DANG! I have pumped five to six times a day for the last 180-odd days of my life. For 180 days, pumping has been the first and last thing that I did every single day.
I cannot wait for it to be over.
There are lots of things that I want to say about breastfeeding, so forgive me if this becomes jumbled. First, I want to say this: when I was pregnant, I had no idea what breastfeeding entailed. Of course, I had heard that breastfeeding can be hard for some women. But I never thought that it would be hard for me. I never thought that physically feeding Henry would be difficult; I never thought that I would find public breastfeeding to be awkward (our physical issues made it logistically difficult). I didn’t understand what sleep deprivation did to a person; I didn’t understand how badly I would need Kristien to give the baby a bottle every now and then (or, um, every night).
Breastfeeding is a huge emotional and physical commitment, and although it is easy for many women, I really think we should give a HUGE round of applause to every mom who breastfeeds – no matter for how long. I would never want to discourage other people from breastfeeding because I know that so many of you love it and don’t feel like it’s hard. But even if it’s ‘easy,’ it’s a commitment, and for that reason alone, everyone deserves major kudos.
I felt a lot of pressure to breastfeed. I run in ‘holistic’ circles; most of the moms that I know breastfed. At my natural birth classes, I dared to ask about formula feeding and was given a huge stink eye for it. I read the literature and many books; I knew that doctors consider breastmilk the best option. I saw not one but two lactation consultants after Henry’s birth. I read the books. Truthfully, I was not enamored by the idea of breastfeeding the way some people are, but I wanted it to work for numerous reasons. So when physically breastfeeding became too hard and too complicated, I switched to pumping. I pumped for six months. Sometimes, it was okay; something it was not. But by the end, I honestly hated every single day of pumping. I stuck with it because I felt committed, I felt like ‘I had to,’ and I felt like I would be failing if I stopped.
Funnily enough, I never judged non-breastfeeding moms. I never felt like other moms ‘had to’ do what I felt like I ‘had to’ do! After all, the one thing that I’ve learned since becoming a mother is DON’T JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE. Ever! Everyone has a reason for doing what they want to do, and no one can be ‘perfect’ all the time. Even if you do one thing ‘right,’ there’s a million things you apparently aren’t. Dressing baby in fire retardant-laden clothes? Feeding them non-organic food? Letting them chew on icky plastic instead of pricey wooden toys?! GASP! You’re doing it wrong! I recognized this very early on in my journey, so I didn’t judge anyone else . But for some crazy reason, I judged myself. On one hand, I acknowledged that no one could be perfect. But on the other, I rated myself as a mom by how close I felt to ‘perfect.’ It doesn’t make much sense, but that’s how I felt about breastfeeding.
Due to this attitude, I couldn’t give myself permission to stop. Even when the thought of pumping made me sick, I would berate myself into continuing. I would guilt myself into staying on the path. At the end of the day, the pressure was really all my own; the guilt was my creation. After a while, I realized how negative my rhetoric about stopping was: “I’m a bad mom if I wean ” or “I don’t want to quit” or “I’ll feel like a failure if I stop.”
Quite honestly, it ended up screwing with my head a lot. It made me really unhappy as time wore on. I am sure that other moms who have pumped can relate to how hard it can be – it’s so emotionally and physically taxing in a way that breastfeeding just isn’t (so I hear).
It took a sobbing session at my therapist’s to realize that 1) I really do want to stop – I want my breasts back, I want my time back, I want my freedom back; 2) Saying I want to stop doesn’t make me a selfish person; 3) I need to extend myself the same courtesy that I do to other moms; 4) Really and truly – no one can be perfect! and 5) I need to focus on the positive. I’ve started to say things like, “It’s okay to stop” and “I’ve breastfed for eight whole months! DAMN, I rock!”
One of my ‘homework’ assignments to process stopping was this: I made a list of all the things that I want to do to be a “good mom.” My list includes things like: engaging Henry in creative play, reading books to him every day, always being positive when he wakes up in the morning (I feel like this is a really great life habit), exposing him to other children, encouraging him to interact with safe adults, etc. At the bottom, I wrote, “You made it eight whole months – congrats!” I put the list in my closet and read it every day. There are lots of ways to be a good mom besides how I fed Henry. And I do think that I’m a pretty good momma. Henry seems to like me. 
As you can tell, I am a perfectionist. It’s not always a bad thing; I have used that aspect of my personality to do some awesome things. But perfectionist is a double-edged sword, and I never felt it attack me quite the way it did when it came to breastfeeding.
I know this sounds strange (considering that I keep a very public blog), but I am actually a relatively private person. I feel like I have a lot going on ‘under the surface’ that I only share with a few people in my real life; the topic of breastfeeding and pumping has become very loaded for me lately. But I wanted to share my thoughts publicly because I know that so many of you can probably relate. Even if you never started to breastfeed or found it to be easy as pie. Even if you aren’t a mom! And I don’t want others to feel alone.
We all have expectations for ourselves, our careers, our relationships that don’t always work out. And if you are really stuck on an idea, it can be hard to change your ways without feeling like you’re failing. But none of us are failing – we’re just changing. I think reframing your internal conversation to be more positive is such a powerful way to go about the change. There’s no reason to tear yourself down just because you are changing.
I am proud that I made it eight months. But I am very happy to be in the process of stopping and switching to formula. This experience taught me a lot about myself. I learned about strength, sacrifice, balance, self-preservation. But most of all, I learned that while I may be able to force myself to do something, but I really cannot berate myself into happiness. And my happiness matters, too. If something isn’t working for me, it’s just not working for me. That’s okay. Very often, the vision we had is different than the reality we experience.
Life is complex. Parenthood is complex. But I guess I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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{ 266 comments… read them below or add one }
This post is great – good for you! The last few paragraphs really struck a chord with me also, and it’s definitely the type of thing I needed to read at the moment!
Awesome and honest post! I don’t have kids yet but one of my best friends will be a mom very shortly and just recently I told her she can come to me no matter with what topic – and your post gives me a bit of an insight that might be incredibly useful in helping my best friend! Thank you!
you sound like an awesome friend!
“We all have expectations for ourselves, our careers, our relationships that don’t always work out. [...] But none of us are failing – we’re just changing.”
THANK YOU! My expectations are being thrown out the window in my life right now and I’m NOT dealing with it well, but I think it might really help to just alter how I’m looking at it. Changing, not failing. I really needed to hear/read that.
good luck, friend. it really can be hard but you’re on the path you’re supposed to be on. you know?
This is a relief to hear — not that you had problems, but that you’re sharing them. Because just like when women don’t enjoy being pregnant itself, it seems like there’s always a circle of people waiting to jump down their throats for being wrong or bad moms or something. Occasionally sharing a negative thought about something doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the good parts of whatever it is, sheesh!
Enjoy! Breastfeeding went well for us but being totally weaned is great, too! Weaning made my hormones go bonkers; it was nice when it was done and I was back on an even keel.
I am so terrified of the hormonal flux.
It’s short lived. Much easier than the initial hormonal change after giving birth!
oh thank god.
Agreed, it was short!
I love this post. I hate how judgey becoming a mother/mothering a baby is! I’m not a mom yet, but considering the fact that I feel guilty about not being perfect ALL THE TIME, I can imagine how becoming a mother will make me feel sometimes. It’s been so good to read your mommy blogs to prepare me for that journey.
Congratulations on 8 months! As a fellow perfectionist, I understand all to well the ‘harder on myself than others’ scenario you are describing here. I don’t have a baby, but this really resonated with me, and I will definitely keep your wisdom in mind when the time comes. Thanks for sharing! p.s. you have one adorable baby and the pictures of you two are just precious!
Breastfeeding IS a lot of work. Although its only been mentally difficult for me I have to admit that I won’t miss it too much when its time to end it.
I would love an update on the sleep training… how its changed since the start, any regressions, etc.
I love and appreciate this post so much! Thank you for being so honest and open with us. I think for those that breastfeeding comes easily to, they don’t understand when others have more of a negative experience with it. It’s nice to hear women coming from both sides. I’m due with our first baby in about 7 weeks, and I truly hope that breastfeeding works out for us. However, reading this makes me feel OK if it doesn’t too.
My daughter is one month old now and I’m struggling with breastfeeding. It really is so difficult. I wish I was someone who found it easy but she eats every two to three hours day and night. Because I’m the only one who can feed her, I’m the only person getting up. I just cried because my six year old woke me up to make him breakfast. I also have some of the issues you did such as forceful letdown and oversupply. I’ve been thinking of going the same route with pumping but the middle of the night feedings are keeping me from doing so.
I’m so sorry that you got woken up – that’s the worst! The first month really is the hardest because they eat so so so much. And the sleep deprivation – ugh. xoxox.
Jamie, if it’s any consolation I haaaated breastfeeding for the first month for many of the same reasons. I told myself to get to 6 weeks, and then at 6 weeks it was get to 12 weeks. I thought if I could pump and measure what he got it would make a difference but that seemed like a lot of work. And then like everyone said it would, it got easier. He’s now nearly 11 months and I don’t even think about it. 4 times a day he spends about 5 minutes feeding. Those first months were so incredibly hard and unrewarding in many ways (I loved him, but no smiles, sleep deprivation, steepest learning curve ever – that’s no treat) but they seem like a drop in the ocean now. We’re coming up to weaning and although I’m looking forward to getting my body back completely, I will miss the simplicity of it.
And to you Caitlin…you are an amazing mum – 8 months of breastfeeding is a tremendous effort for most people, 6 months of pumping in that time is truly something to be very proud of – you did something wonderful for Henry and now you’ll have time to do other wonderful things for him. What type of milk Henry drinks in the first year of his life is an important but relatively small part of the amazing life you’re giving him
8 months is amazing. Congratulations! In my moms group, we discuss the concept of judging others vs. judging ourselves quite often. We’re all very easy on and supportive of each other, yet we beat ourselves up endlessly over little things. We’re all working on this same issue, whatever the decision be (some moms are disappointed they gave in and got an epidural, some are sad about breastfeeding not working out how they had hoped/planned, all of us stress about sleep issues, etc). So, we’re all working on treating ourselves the way we treat others in the group- with support, TLC, and we give ourselves room to feel conflicted over things.
I’m a long time reader and have wanted to comment for a long time but put it off until I had ‘time’ to write out everything I wanted to say, but is there ever really ‘time’ with a baby? I want to commiserate in a big way. Your journey has been almost identical to mine from the scarring from the tear to the UTI post birth to pumping (although I only made it to 7 months) to judging yourself too harshly to be ‘perfect’. I know how you feel because I have been there EXACTLY. You have done a wonderous thing for your son – sacrificing yourself in more way than breastfeeding or formula feeding alone (in my opinion). You will enjoy the freedom and extra time and attention you get to lavish on your son. Motherhood is a hard journey no matter what path you go down and it would do a lot for each of us to stop judging each other and our selves too harshly. Solidarity!
“only” 7 months?! oh heck no – how about DAMN I MAKE IT 7 AWESOME ASS MONTHS!
Thanks for this comment!
You’re welcome! Thank you for this post!
I realized the ‘only 7 months’ hypocracy after I pushed ‘submit’. Self judging is a hard habit to break!
It is.
You wrote this post so well.. breastfeeding/pumping for me was so hard and painful (and I could only pump a few ounces) I was beating myself up about it and it took my joy for being a mother away. Once we switched to formula, both baby and mama are happy! I am so happy you are doing whats best for you and your family! Henry is adorable and is very lucky to have you.
P.S. you look great! You do rock!
Congrats on making it to 8 months! There’s nothing like parenthood to help you define your priorities. I was always passionate about breastfeeding; and because it was a priority to me I made it a year pumping over two hours a day at work and after my daughter’s bedtime (on top of 6-8 nursing sessions) because I had low supply. But because it was something I was really passionate about, it wasn’t a burden for me, and I was really proud that I was able to avoid formula. But it was something that I knew even before having a baby that I really wanted to make work, no matter what.
I can see how pumping must be tough if it’s something you don’t feel strongly about! And I know what it’s like to run in crunchy circles when you do something “non-crunchy”. I follow along and agree with most of the “crunchy” aspects of parenting – extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, organics, etc (except for delayed or not vaccinating – I’m a scientist in the medical field and I have VERY strong feelings about that, ha!). But I work out of the house full time, and I’ve gotten some flack for that. I’ve felt some guilt when I look at your idyllic set-up of working part-time from home, and I’ve wondered if I was more committed I would find a way to have that set-up as well. But over time I’ve realized that I love my job, I set a good example to my daughter by showing non-traditional gender roles (my husband is a stay-at-home dad and because of that is an AMAZING, super-involved father), and the time I do have with her when I’m home is all the more precious – I relish every moment we have together (even those 2 am nursing sessions!).
And Henry is just adorable!
I just want to say that I think working full time has many positives, too. Your daughter gets exposed to other safe adults and learns how to interact with different types of people (very important!). When she’s older, she will know that her mom is a hard worker and is an intelligent, valued employee. And she can do that, too, if she wants! My mom worked full time when I was growing up and was a great example to me. There are loads of advantages to be a WAHM or a SAHM, but there are great things about working out of the house, too.
Just wanted to say you are awesome for juggling it all, especially all that breastfeeding while working!!!
I love to hear of mothers working full time and fathers staying home! That is the plan for my husband and I when we are lucky enough to be expecting.
The thing is, breastfeeding and exclusive pumping are two entirely different experiences. I had to pump because I worked part-time and I did not enjoy it AT ALL, I hated pumping. But I did breastfeed whenever I was with my daughter and I loved it and we nursed for 16 months. The first couple months were hard but once we both learned how, it got really easy for us and was much more convenient than dealing with bottles. I think it’s great that you were able to provide breast milk for your son for 8 months, despite all the challenges.
“Very often, the vision we had is different than the reality we experience.” THANK YOU, Caitlin. I have been feeling SO guilty because I chose to not breastfeed my second baby. Julian was just 21 months when Mary was born, and I just didn’t know how I’d make it work. Now, Mary’s 11 weeks old, and I have been berating myself for “robbing” her of the experience. I wish I could just decide to do it now, that it wasn’t such a final decision. I have already promised myself to at least try with next baby… but that hasn’t helped me NOW, with Mary.
What I need to realize is that I am a great mom — I have two happy, healthy, beautiful kids — who cares how I fed each of them? The only one judging me, is me. I wish it were so easy to give myself the same love and patience I give others! Still working on that. Thank you so much for your honesty.
My kids are 22 months apart and breastfeeding this second one is so much harder because of my daughter. I don’t know how I would do it without all the help I receive from my husband, but there have been many times I’ve considered stopping just because of the time it takes. You make it work, but I feel guilty when I have to feed this baby because I’m not focused on the toddler and then I feel guilty if I consider stoppping because I breastfed my daughter for a year. It’s an endless cycle, but your comment and Caitlin’s post re-iterate we do whats best for us and our family and it all works out in the end.
Side note: Can you imagine having lots and lots of kids? Like the Duggars? I would go insane.
Speaking of the Duggars, they had to put baby Josie (who’s three-ish now) on special formula because her body couldn’t break down the lactose in Michelle’s breast milk and it was giving her problems.
Every story is different.
I am a new mother to an 11 week old girl, and I have been having issues with breastfeeding since day 1. I think until you do it you don’t quite realize how emotionally taxing and physically draining it really can be (I EPed for several weeks of these 11). I am sticking with it for now, and have made a “soft goal” of 6 months, and made a promise to be proud of myself no matter what may come at that six month mark.
I have followed your journey through breastfeeding too and I just wanted to say as a fellow mom, what you have accomplished is nothing short of amazing! I am intending to share my struggles with bfing on my new blog about motherhood also, but I was struggling with how honest to be as I was afraid of the judgment I may receive. But your post has given the the strength to be honest with myself and with other mothers, because I am the same as you – I feel we as mothers need to support each other through our own personal journeys through motherhood.
All in all, thanks for your honesty, Caitlin. Your posts about breastfeeding have helped me find comfort through times of difficulty. And remember, breastfeeding even for a day is the best choice we can make for our children. I have to tell myself this daily
. You are an amazing mother for doing this for Henry forso long, and good for you for knowing when it was time to move on!
xoxo you are an amazing momma too!
Way to go, Mama! 8 months IS awesome! And good job on the broccoli, my kids are 4 and 8, still won’t eat it!
I sit here pumping right now…that first few minutes are the most painful, but we’re on month 6 so I’m thankful. I’ve moved to exclusive pumping since going back to work full time, and it is hard work! Though I too put momma guilt on myself for wanting my body back, but at the sametime wanting to still provide milk. We are working on introducing foods now, so maybe once he starts to actually eat the food we can talk about weaning. At the end of the day I remember I’m so happy and blessed to be my little guy’s mom.
I could have written this post . I was only able to breastfeed for 8 weeks with my daughter before she went on a permanent nursing strike. I tried exclusively pumping, and it made me absolutely crazy. I don’t know how you did it for as long as you did. It felt like such an injustice to have to sit there and pump (and be unable to hold my baby while I did it, which meant finding time where I didn’t have to hold her, which is NEVER with a newborn), and then spend time cleaning the parts, and THEN spend time feeding her the pumped milk and washing bottles. It really did a number on me. I made it with exclusively pumping for 2 weeks before my husband, mother & pediatrician intervened and told me that REALLY REALLY REALLY, it would be ok if I gave her formula, and having a sane mama is more important than having breastmilk. I cried giving her that first bottle of formula, but after that it got so much better. And truthfully, once I weaned I felt so much more SANE. My hairdresser said the same thing to me- “Breastfeeding made me feel crazy.”
Aaannnyway. Good for you for doing it as long as you did, but also good for you for giving yourself permission to switch to formula. Think of how much time you’ll get back without having to pump!!
Breastfeeding made me crazy too! I pumped and breastfed for 11 months, but man, I hated the pressure from the outside and the inside. It definitely has made me rethink how long I’ll breastfeed next time (if we have a nother).
But seriously, getting back to the normal hormones only takes about a month, then you’ll be golden.
caitlin, i have to say that this was really refreshing to hear from an HLB. i just hope that you also consider extending this thought process of “why am i truly doing ____?” and “am i truly happy doing _____?” into other parts of your life.
the reason i became so jaded with HLBs a couple years ago is because a few things became glaringly clear to me: 1.) there was an unspoken pressure (like you alluded to) for everyone in that community to follow certain standards or expectations. 2.) they stopped being genuine and unique. because the vast majority of these bloggers feel the same pressure you did, originality went out the window.
i understand the awful, paralyzing anxiety that comes with constantly comparing yourself to others, and feeling like you’re not living up to shared expectations.
please, please, for the sake of your sanity and your family, continue to recognize those familiar feelings of “do i really want to do this, or am i doing it for thr blog?” in other parts of your life (be it exercise, diet, marriage, decorating, etc.). i guarantee, your readers will really appreciate it and also look at themselves in a more positive, genuine light. and you will feel a gigantic sense of relief.
good comment! It’s really hard to operate and write in a world that is judgmental.
I just had to say I agree with this comment! This is why Caitlin is one of the only HLBs I still read. I really feel like the “real” person comes across and she is very genuine and unique
Also, Caitlin, thank you! I’m expecting my first baby in May and it’s good to be reminded that everything won’t go exactly how I imagine it. And that’s okay
Congrats! And thank you!
Thank you for this post. I will be a mom in about 4 months. I too am a perfectionist, and easily get into the ‘you’re not good enough’ mentality even when I am doing my best. There’s always something more I could be doing,right? But while I’m starting to become anxious about all the decisions and changes that are coming my way, I think it’s important to remember that my best is good enough and always will be. 😄Thanks
Even your ‘kind of best’ is good enough
Don’t forget that either!
Congrats on 8 months on breastfeeding, with emphasis on exclusively for 6 of those! I HATED pumping 3x each day at work. I just stopped breastfeeding/pumping at 6 months last week. My body just couldn’t keep up with it, and we had already been supplementing with formula since December. I’m a little lopsided at the moment, so I’m looking forward to things going back to normal!
Great post, I so appreciate your willingness to be so open about your bf experiences. It helps everyone who reads this! I think it’s a big help to read about all the various adventures in bf’ing, just to know how any and all variations including none are perfectly ok!
Thank you for this post. I think it’s amazing you made it to 8 months! I totally understand the guilt and negative feelings you had toward yourself. I have a 5 month old and have those same feelings, but on the other end of the breastfeeding spectrum. For me, I want so badly to breastfeed exclusively but have been struggling with supply issues since I went back to work at 8 week. Subsequently, we have also had baby weight gain problems. Those two things combined led us to supplement with formula 75% of the time. I’ve had so much guilt and feelings of failure, because I tried literally everything to make it work and I couldn’t. I’m still barely hanging in there, pumping and feeding him as much as my
body will allow (I can only pump max 2 oz these days), but I know it’s only a matter of time before its over. I’m learning to accept that and I know that it doesn’t make me a “bad” mom or a failure. Just writing this makes me tear up. The feelings we have as mamas are so real and intense. I really do feel that were all doing the best we can dr ourselves and our babies- and that looks so different for everyone. I wish the mommy wars against ourselves and other moms would end!
You are an amazing mama Caitlin!
I’m sure you’ve tried everything but just in case you haven’t tried this, I’ve taken supplements to boost my supply and they have really helped. In the beginning, I was taking 3 capsules of Blessed Thistle and Fenugreek 3 times a day. The lactation consultant here told me they were both safe and worked better when taken together. After my supply was up to where it needed to be, I weaned myself off the supplements. I started taking them again however, when I noticed my supply was starting to decrease. Now, I take two of each in the mornings and it has reversed the tend of my supply dropping off and even slightly increased my supply. Hope that helps. Good luck. I totally understand the frustration and difficulty of low supply.
Thank you Dominique! My lactation consultant told me the same, so I’ve been taking 3 of each 3x a day. They did help increase my supply a lot, but then I got my period back and it dropped again. I’m still taking them in hopes my hormones will balance out nd my supply will increase again, but I am not sure if they will
if it doesn’t, be kind to yourself. i also took a boatload of supplements (and did everything under the sun) and still couldn’t make enough milk. you are doing everything you can, and you are doing an amazing job. we supplemented with formula to make sure our baby was getting enough (in addition to breastfeeding and then exclusively pumping), and she’s happy and healthy as can be.
hang in there- i know how tough it is! sending love to you.
Thanks Gina! I remember reading about your journey on the blog and while I couldn’t relate at the time, I did go back and reread all of your breastfeeding posts once I was dealing with those issues myself. It is nice to know that I’m not alone, and to be reminded that what is important is giving our babies full bellies so that they can grow and develop
Excellent post! Congrats to you for making it to 8 months. As a breastfeeding mom to a 9 month old, I really appreciate your post. We have never had any issues with breastfeeding (thankfully!), but mine never took to a bottle so I have never been away from him for more than 3-4 hours at a time. It is hard, but your post reminds me to pay myself on the back more often for what I have done. And to not worry about being a perfect mom. Thanks.
You rock! Way to go! Henry is ADORABLE! And I must say a beautifully written post. I agree with everything you said. I feel like I have been breastfeeding for all my life…not really but 2 years! The numbers of feelings/ounces you posted…wow wow! And I love how you made a list of all the wonderful things you are doing for Henry. Thank you for sharing Caitlin.
5,400 oz divided by 128 oz is over 42 GALLONS! Dang girl! Women are amazing. Well done mama. Your son is beautiful and healthy and off to a great start in his life.
i am both impressed and grossed out. LOL
Beautiful post! Thanks for sharing!!….and for what it’s worth, I’m not even a mom.
Have a good day
P.S. Congrats on reaching this milestone…you rock!!
Great post – I agree that each momma’s situation is different and we need to respect the parenting choices of others – and not judge! The last thing we as moms (and dads) need is to be judged or feel pressured about our choices!
Breastfeeding is a huge committment and a lot of work – you should be very proud of what you’ve accomplished and given to Henry. By the way, these pictures of you two are amazing – he looks so adorable in his little plaid shirt!!!!!
Thanks for being so honest Caitlin! I am not a mother and won’t be for a couple years I hope but I find this so interesting. I am having a hard time believing that I will want to breastfeed when it comes to it. It’s so easy to get caught up in comparing yourself to other moms out in the blog world that breastfed for 75 years or whatever. who really cares, we are all different. I was never breastfed from my mother because she knew from the beginning it’s not something she was interested in and I’m pretty sure I turned out just fine
I breastfed my first son for 3.5 months (supplemented with formula on doctors orders – I didn’t produce enough milk for my son) – but I hated every minute of it, I felt like a dairy cow. It was NOT a bonding process for us. I let myself be bullied into breastfeeding my second son for about 3 weeks before I drew the line and said “no more”! My third son was bottle fed from minute one.
Did I admire women who could breastfeed for months? Sure. Mentally, I wasn’t one of them, and my boys all turned out fine. There are no perfect moms – we can only be the best we can be.
Good for you for 8 months – Henry looks like a healthy, happy, well adjusted baby, which just proves you and Kristien are doing things right.
This post rocks! You could not have said it any better. I stopped pumping after 7 months, and was having the exact same feelings. Only when I stopped to actually realize that pumping was making me generally miserable was I able to come to terms with stopping. A month and a half later, I am SO happy to have my body back! Sidebar – you secretly get even more time back because you are no longer washing all of the pump bottles and pump parts – Booyah!
8 months is awesome! Would you be willing to share how you’re weaning your body off the pump? I’ve read some different ways to do it online, but I’ve never actually talked to anyone who was exclusively pumping when they quit breastfeeding. (I ask because my son turns one in 10 days and I am DONE-ZO with pumping [I don't feed on the breast anymore - only pump] at one year. I’m just scared I’ll get a clogged duct when I start pumping less and/or going longer in between pumping sessions.)
I will when I am done!
Gosh, I know this was probably really hard to share. I’m one of those ‘easy as pie’ breastfeeding moms. I’m in the process of breastfeeding my second son (who’s the same age as Henry) and I can’t imagine switching him to formula. I don’t mean that in a judgmental way because, like you said, once you become a parent it is REALLY easy to judge and REALLY easy to realize that you shouldn’t…
It’s hard being a parent and hard to be put up against the many many standards that are often conflicting. I understand your desire to stop pumping and even though the thought of putting a baby on formula makes me cringe I hope that I can grow from hearing your experience into a less judgmental person. I know you care and will hopefully find a formula that isn’t made of corn products and other gross things! It’s easy to tell your son’s health is at the forefront of your mind. You are a good mama.
As a formula feeding mama, I find it hard to hear when other women say “formula that isn’t made of….’and other gross things’.” That is judgment, and it hurts. I hope Caitlin’s experience here can help you and others who say feel this way realize that the way you say things CAN be hurtful.
Well, the thing I had to realize when I was crying at the store buying formula because my son was not gaining weight on breastmilk is that I was doing the best I could do. But I still feel embarassed to tell people that I feed him formula because of comments like this. And it still makes me feel like crying. For a person saying you are not being judmental you sound quite judgemental.
Kelli, exactly. Just because you say “I’m not being judgmental” doesn’t fix your judgment. It is dishonest. It’s like saying “don’t be offended” followed by something really offensive.
I’m so glad that Diana has had a great breastfeeding experience. Some of us haven’t, and we’ve had to give our babies all these “gross things” to make sure the baby stays alive. Personally, I prefer live baby to dead baby, so that’s what I’m going with.
Oh dear:( I’m so sorry I offended…truly. This sort of thing is exactly why I wanted to comment and want to follow along with stories like Caitlin’s. I don’t want to act judgmental or assume I know everything/what is best for other mama’s babies but must educate myself on situations so that I can learn! I’m humbled that my response caused offense and will now think more about my reactions.
I do want to say that learning about the ingredients in formula IS important because there are a lot of fillers that are put in them that are actually quite gross in some brands and finding quality food for your child is important whether it’s breastfeeding, formula OR food.
Still, I want to ask forgiveness for being hurtful. I am sorry.
Oh my gosh, I still don’t think you get the point.
Calling something that someone HAS to feed their child GROSS is totally unnecessary. Formula feeding moms aren’t stupid, illiterate fools who haven’t thought for HOURS AND HOURS about the decision they’ve been forced into.
I don’t think you need forgiveness from me, a random internet stranger. I do think you might want to assess who in your “real life” you’ve hurt through off-the-cuff remarks like the above…
Way to prove her point about other moms being judgmental.
You look fabulous!!
For what it’s worth, I breast fed baby #1 for 1 month and called it quits…
I was feeling everything you felt…plus some.
Long story short, I have had 3 healthy children (praise God) and all are
Healthy, athletic and strong. None have allergies.
I know you know this but don’t sweat the small stuff.
And breast feeding is WAY over rated
Keep doing whatever you are doing because you are doing it very well,
You can tell by the beautiful photo of you and that adorable little
Henry you are holding!
Patty
You’re wrong. Breastfeeding is not overrated. I could say SO MUCH about this post, but I am stopping myself. I just couldn’t not respond to this comment.
I’m not going to say that I know what Patty MEANT to say, but perhaps I can say this – I don’t think anyone can argue with the health benefits of BFing. But I know that we very often get our whole identity as mothers wrapped up into the idea of BFing, and that is perhaps ‘overrated.’ Because we’re more than milk.
I agree Caitlin. It really gets warped into “you are a bad mother/person if you do not breast feed.”
Agreed, this comment is not cool.
I’m sorry ladies….I spoke (typed) out of line….
I’m just saying its OK not to breast feed…for some…
I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN!! Before my daughter was born a woman I work with quit at 6 months, and I totally judged her. Silently, of course, but I still did. Once I became a mom and discovered how difficult it is I felt so bad. And I’m one of those women breastfeeding is wonderful for – and it’s STILL the hardest thing I’ve done. I got an epidural, so you might not agree, but I think birthing the baby was easierthan breastfeeding her!
I don’t know a ton of moms, but most supplement their breastmilk, for either convenience or need…and I no longer judge them at all or feel they aren’t doing their best for their babies. I’m ashamed I ever had those stupid thoughts. BUT I know I’ll feel that way about myself when I can no longer meet her needs with pumping at work. I realize it’s silly, but we hold ourselves to higher standards than others, I guess? I’m going to be able to make 6 months without having to use formula, and who knows – maybe I’ll never have to. But if and when I do, I’ll be making myself a similar list to let go of some of the guilt. Thank you for your honesty!
PS – Strangely, I don’t mind pumping at all. I think I’m the only one in the world who feels this way! The 4 breaks at work are a nice distraction in my day
ME TOO. I am SOOO ashamed that I ever judged other mothers.
I just had to second your PS – I have been exclusively pumping for 6 months now and look forward to the 20 minute breaks 4x/day
I love this post – thank you so much for sharing! I had a similar battle with breastfeeding. I had twins though, so it added another layer of complexity. My (public) goal was to make it 6 months, although I had a secret goal that I’d get to 6 months, re-evaluate, and decide to go for a full year. yuuuuuppppp….didn’t happen. I made it to 6 months (and DAMN PROUD!) and ended up weaning shortly thereafter. It’s a hard transition, and I still feel some guilt over it (and my pocketbook feels the effect, too!!! The babies are only 8 months so still have a ways to go with formula), but in the end its what was right for ALL of us.
I appreciate you sharing your experience here – it’s great to hear different perspectives and to know that we’re not alone! : )
People get far too worked up over how other people are raising their kids! My daughter just turned 18 and I have had friends who are just now having babies give me the stink eye when they ask me about breastfeeding and I say I gave her formula. You would think I’d confessed to heinous acts of child abuse. I kindly point out that she’s always been in great health and clearly survived to adulthood! Not to mention that I too survived on formula. I think it’s great that you made it to 8 months! You need to do what’s best for you and the baby! A happy mom is just as important as what the baby eats!
This question is killing me. Would you do it again?
oh yes for sure. i will definitely pump for the next baby, but i will also try really really hard to make actual nursing work too.
You didn’t mention this in your post. I think the fact that you basically went to pumping jaded your experience. Breastfeeding is natural and amazing; apparently pumping is not (I think that’s obvious). I know you saw 2 lactation consultants, but I think it would have eventually worked for you because you’ve said you have no supply issues, etc.
I nursed 90% of the time until he was 6 – 8 weeks (can’t remember when I switched over exactly). I think that’s a pretty good effort and not a direct transition to pumping. Unfortunately, the reason we had so much trouble was that I *needed* a shield, and I don’t think he would’ve ever worked around that (I literally have nothing to latch onto and even the pump doesn’t pull out the nipples). It really isn’t so ‘natural and amazing’ for everyone, but I’m really, really glad it was for you.
I understand. Believe me, I had my troubles, both mental and physical. I don’t mean natural and amazing in the sense that some people use those words. I mean them literally- the fact that our bodies are made to feed our children. There were many, many days when it was FAR from that for me!
I am weaning from pumping too, although we nurse as well. My daughter turns 1 in two weeks. I think the reason I successfully breastfed and pumped while away was because we got rid of the shield. We used it for almost 5 months and somehow we were able to get rid of it and it worked out. We often look back on the days when we couldn’t find the shield, got lost in the sheets, etc. My husband think we could make a lot of money if we made glow in the dark breast shields.
Urm, I believe in ye olde days when a woman couldn’t breast feed for physical reasons (because I’m pretty sure that’s not a new phenomenon for mother’s who are just too lazy to lift their top) there were wet nurses or family members who would breast feed the child. Now that people are all selfish about only feeding their own offspring I don’t think we can judge anyone who can’t do the same. Unless of course you are also a wet nurse, or from ye olde days, in which case I stand corrected. Just because your body is capable of naturally feeding a baby doesn’t mean everyone’s is. Just like not everybody’s immune system can fight disease, even though it should, bodies are different.
Louise, you rock!
Why do we feel a need to judge mothers for decisions they are making for their own children? Yes, there are health benefits to breastfeeding. Yes, some types of formula have less than stellar ingredients. However, the beauty of having your own child is that you get to make decisions for that child. Your opinion should not be transferred to anyone else’s situation. I don’t think anyone needs to tell mothers who feed their babies formula that “breastfeeding is natural” and that they “need to be careful to find a formula that doesn’t have gross fillers.” They know that already, and have probably wrestled with those pieces of information.
I commend you for how long you lasted and holding steady in your choices. As long as we are all trying our best then it is all perfect!
A good read about different formulas and stuff. http://www.brucebradley.com/food/babys-first-encounter-with-big-food/
Thanks so much for this awesome post!! I am currently breastfeeding my 10 week old daughter and the experience has been more physically and emotionally draining than I could have possibly imagined. I had a complicated end to my pregnancy which led to lots of issues bfing. I pumped every 2 hours for the first month of her life and thought I was going to lose my mind. Thankfully we got the hang of things and nursing is going well now ( most of the time). I can’t imagine pumping as long as you did. You are awesome!
You’re story is mine, except I made it to four (still proud!). Breastfeeding SUCKED for me and my daughter (6.5 months). She could never latch properly and I only made juuuust enough milk so she still struggled with weight gain for months. I could only pump 2.5-3 oz on a good pumping session. So when I started back to work 8 weeks after her birth, I’d have to pump 4-5 times just to get enough for the 2 feedings I was gone for. And yet, I beat myself up like you did for wanting to quit. It was so liberating to finally just stop the chatter and the judgments and know she’d be fine. And she is fine. Great, actually! Also, we feel the same about the sleep training! So hard, but has paid in full!
Hahah sleep training is sooooooooooo worth it. For everyone!
Would you breastfeed your next child or go straight to formula? I did this and was judged immensely… sigh…
I will try again! I’m sorry you were judged.
Way to go, Mama! Eight months is AMAZING. I am a fellow exclusive pumper, and I finally stopped at 6 months in December. I had intentions (grand illusions) of breastfeeding my son for at least a year, but it didn’t work for us (supply issues, latch issues, on and on). I had no idea how hard breastfeeding would be for me, or how taxing the whole process would be on my body and mind. Now that I’m on the other side, I can tell you that it’s AMAZING not being tied to the pump (you will so much happier!!!!!!!!!!), to have my breasts back, to have my BODY back, and to have my time back. Perhaps, in a way, my excitement about this is selfish . . . and yet I am TRULY such a better mother and wife without that stupid pump hanging over my head. You have done a wonderful thing for your son by pumping for this long . . . but let me tell you, girl, your life is going to improve 10-fold when you get your time back!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh thank you, Caitlin. I am on my sixth month of exclusive pumping my son, and I so relate to the emotional aspect of it. There are weeks where I want to quit every day. And I don’t understand why I am so supportive of my formula-feeding friends, but berate myself so much when I want to quit pumping. It’s such a strange and overwhelming dynamic, and I can’t thank you enough for the open and honest nature that you’ve had regarding it. I either have friends who have had breastfeeding go really well and love it, or friends who do forumla. No one I know is an EP’er, and you’ve given me comfort when you’ve posted about it. You rock, mama.
I know others have asked, but would love to hear how you’ve started the weaning process. I’m sure it’s not easy.
Take care and good luck!
Joanna
You are enough and just as you should be. Be proud of yourself.
Yeah for you!! I was really nervous about breastfeeding before Ella arrived but luckily after 4-6 very painful weeks for me..it has been wonderfully easy. I love our time together now. I am a full time working mom and taking 10 grad school credits so I pump 3 times a day. I hate it! I can’t wait for the weekends when I don’t have to pump. I am SOOOO impressed you did 6 months exclusively pumping! Go you! I agree there are so many ways of being a wonderful parent and how you feed your child should not be on the list!
Oh Ella is 6 months now! I’m hoping to make it to 12 months but hey, I feel a happy mom is so much more important then berating ourselves into breastfeeding!
Wonderful post! I’m not yet pregnant, but I already know I do not want to breastfeed and I plan to formula feed. I just have no desire to do it. I feel like there is so much judgement about not breast feeding that I haven’t been able to find any woman’s take on how formula feeding worked for them.
I am going to try to convince my BFF to come and comment. She went straight to FF and doesn’t regret it at all.
Both my sister and I were 100% formula fed because of allergies and we are 33 and 30, respectfully, and doing very well with no health issues that can be traced back to not being breastfed and both have two bachelors and masters degrees. My sister has three kids (7, 5, and 3) and they were all formula fed and she has said that it was the best decision for her family. I am not pregnant and am in the same boat – I don’t know that I would want to breastfeed. My best friend just had a baby 2 months ago and she’s already on my case about it and I’m not even married! I don’t think it makes you a good mother if you do breastfeed or a bad mother if you don’t. Caring for your child is what makes you a good mother.
Laura, I am an adoptive mom and I formula feed my baby (who is 11 weeks old.) She has had no problems so far with bonding and is happy, healthy, and on track developmentally. I do supplement with donated breast milk from a few friends (whose blood work was clear) but if I didn’t have friends who could donate right now, I would exclusively formula feed and my baby would still be fine
I have an MPH and I agree that breastfeeding is the best option in most cases (and it is good to encourage on the population level,) but there are many reasons that breast feeding doesn’t work for either mom or baby when you look at individuals, and their stories and reasons should be respected. I hope that is helpful!
I was formula fed. So was my fiancé. We both turned out great. Healthy(thank goodness) and smart (2 law degrees). Breastfeeding is not the holy grail. I don’t think I’ll do it when we start a family.
My kids 6 & 8 years old were both formula fed and were wonderful babies and still are both very smart and healthy! it just wasnt my thing and no one was Changing my mind ! Good luck and congrats!
I was a formula fed baby (allergies) and am doing just fine! I’m healthy, am rarely sick and am intelligent (with a college degree
). I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with FF if that’s what’s right for your family! I don’t have kids yet, but if I do have any in the future, there’s a definite possibility I will use formula.
Thank you for this post! I pumped until my son was 6 months old but had frozen milk to last until he was 8 months. He was 2 months premature so I knew breastmilk was best for him. I tried to nurse but since he was so small it was hard. I pumped exclusively. Once I went back to work, I felt like pumping was taking up so much of my ‘at home’ time (when I wanted to spend that time playing and interacting with him). I felt really guilty for quitting. My goal was a year and I just couldn’t do it anymore. Now I’m 35 weeks pregnant with my second and praying breastfeeding works out this time!
Thank you so much for this post. Nothing has made me feel as good as hearing your experience so far. I knew breastfeeding and pumping would be hard, but I never I would not be able to do it.
My son lost way more than the “normal” amount he was supposed to after birth. He screamed non-stop. I went to a lactation consultant and did many weighed feedings in which the lactation consultant told me after getting the latch right and everything was perfect, that consistently my son was hardly getting anything from me. One group class I went to I breastfed the entire hour of the class and there was no change in the weight and my son was screaming and starving. Because I felt like I would be judged, I had formula in the car, and as he was screaming, I ran through the hospital to my car and felt so guilty as I gave him a bottle in the backseat.
Several lactation consultants TOLD me I needed to supplement (which surprised me!) They were like, yes your son is hungry and you are not making enough. I even started the supplemental nursing system in which you run a tube down to your nipple so he gets the supplement and stimulates you to make milk at the same time. Using the supplemental system was the first time I felt what it must feel like for mothers who produce enough milk. He happily sucked at my breast and was content after the feeding. This of course also made me feel guilty that he could not be content from just me.
For three months I would first breastfeed (where my son would scream the entire time because he wasn’t getting anything), then use the supplemental nursing system, then pump for 30 minutes to an hour. The whole process would start about an hour later. I had no quality time to spend with my son and felt like the only time I spent with him was when he was screaming while breastfeeding and then I’d have to hand him off while I went off to pump. Yet, I still felt guilty and the need to continue this (alot because of comments like the above poster saying “it makes her cringe, and hopefully you can find one that’s not gross”. Those comments still hurt to this day.
At 10 weeks I started back to work where I would breastfeed and pump at night, in the morning, pump 3x at work, when I got home and all throughout the evening. Each time I pumped I got 1-2 ounces TOTAL from both breasts. I made enough for one bottle of his a day. I did this until about 4 months and then stopped as it was just draining every part of me. I have never felt better, and now wonder why I didn’t stop earlier.
Also, people saying “you should try fenugreek or eating oatmeal, maybe that would help”. I took 12 fenugreek, blessed thistle, mother’s milk tea, mother’s milk capsules, oatmeal, prescription domperidone, dark beer and any other supply increasing substance every day. And not a change. I felt so judged and guilty and cannot thank you enough for your post!
Oh honey! Please don’t feel guilty. You did so much and tried so hard. You are amazing!!!!
Wow, we have had such similar experiences! Thanks for sharing. Today is my first day back at work and my daughter is almost 3 months. We’ve supplemented since day 4 and I only pump about 1-2 oz. from each breast total at each pumping session. Keeping with it for now, but reassessing at 6 months.
I’m so glad you found what worked for you and your child and are happy with your decision. That is ALL that matters.
This sounds just like my experience. The week after I bought some formula to supplement one of my neighbors berated me & told me that I have a lazy baby, which is why he could eat effectively from a bottle instead of my breast.
Thank you so much for bringing up this topic, I’m with you on learning so much about how wrong it is to judge since I became a mom!
I stopped pumping the week before I went back to work, I was pumping for 35-40 minutes & getting less than 1/2 an oz at that point…so I quit. I felt horrible & guilty! But life is so much better now that it is all behind us. For me, every time I pumped it was a reminder that I was “failing.” I’m a pretty crunchy person, had a home birth, thought I would BF until he was 2….but as you said Caitlin things don’t work as we plan & that is ok!
My pediatrician told me at my boy’s 4 month check up that he is literally the happiest baby he has ever seen, he is hitting milestones ahead of schedule, sleeps well, & is just awesome!
Thank you so so much for sharing this! I had an identical experience to yours and I wish more women felt comfortable enough to share these types of experiences….my son is 7 months today and healthy, happy and thriving, but I still have guilt about my low supply.
Caitlin, you rock. I love your honesty and congrats on your 8 months! Such an amazing achievement.
Hmm I’m at 2.5 months of doing the exact same thing and hoping for some encouragement to do what I secretly want to do – go to formula and get some sleep! I’m giving it to 3 months and then we’ll see. Thanks for posting!
I have 5 kids, all between 19 and 22 months apart. Breasted all of them for a year. It IS insane!!! It feels wonderful ( and I feel like me again!) now that the baby is 2 1/2 and we are through with cribs and diapers
Thank you so much for having the courage to write this! There is a book called, ‘Bottled Up: How the Way We Feed Babies Has Come to Define Motherhood, and Why It Shouldn’t’ by Suzanne Barston. I heard her talk about it on a “For Crying Out Loud” a parenting podcast (you can find the episode on itunes). And as someone who works with new and expecting parents (and plans for my own in the future) it was really eye-opening to me. She also has a website – fearlessformulafeeder.com that you might find interesting.
You DO Rock Caitlin!!!!! What a beautiful post…and one i can relate to 100%! I, too pumped for 6+ months and it took me to stop ‘judging’ myself to stop as well. And i couldn’t agree more, EVERY.SINGLE.MOM who bf’s is a rock star!!!!
This post made me so happy today….enjoy, my ‘little’ guy is 16 months now and it feels like yesterday he was 8 months. What a beautiful family you are, i love your blog!!!!
Congratulations on EIGHT MONTHS of breastfeeding! That is a tremendous accomplishment, particularly as you were exclusively pumping (which is way harder than people realize!)
You are an awesome mommy who is making the right decision for her family! Thank you so much for your honesty and candor around your breastfeeding journey! It is so refreshing and lovely to read the realistic, sometimes satisfying, sometimes hard experience you have had feeding your little man!
Caitlin, this was one of your best posts ever. I’m not a mom but I could really relate to the perfectionism aspects. I can so relate to the feeling of being hard on yourself (especially in my professional life). It’s funny, I can always relate to your posts even though I’m likely years away from being a mom. I just love that your blog is so HONEST. It’s so refreshing!!
Thanks for this post, Caitlin! I’m 17 weeks pregnant and have no idea how breast feeding or pumping will work for me. I’ve seen friends and family who have really ranged in approach…..my sister gave up in frustration after her first child and did formula with all subsequent three. My best friend has a 1-year-old and loves breast feeding so much, she’s not ready to stop. It seems like it really varies on how well it works for the individual. I’m hopeful that I’ll enjoy it (somewhat), but also don’t want to put too much pressure on myself. Congrats on making it all the way to eight months! That’s huge!
Great Post! Love your honesty! 8 months is amazing! As my English friend would say…You did brilliantly! And – you look phenomenal!
Just wondering…what kind of formula are you going to use?
I second that question. I would be interested on how you ended up choosing your brand of choice. Was it money, ingrediants, recommendation?
I am pregnant with twins and plan on at least supplementing from the get-go. I am not super woman/mom after all. Can it be done, sure. Do I want that pressure, nope.
We are going with an organic soy option because he’s sensitive to dairy. This brand was selected by his doctor so I really recommend talking to yours about which is best for your baby!
Hi Caitlin,
My daughter was sensitive to dairy as well as a newborn, but by the time we decided to stop pumping and switch to formula full time (at 7 months), she had outgrown her dairy sensitivity and we were able to use a regular organic formula. Just a thought!
You rock Caitlin, 8 months is bad ass! I am going to be an
RD (we spend a LOT of time teaching breast is best) and I do plan on breastfeeding but I am honestly reeeeeeally not looking forward to it. Thanks, as always, for your honesty.
Thank you for your honesty! I am due in late April, and I plan to breastfeed but obviously don’t know how that is going to work out long term. What I’ve tried to remind myself at each stage of pregnancy is that this is all such a temporary situation: growing a baby, feeding a baby; it isn’t permanent. This has helped me get through some annoying things like sciatic pain, carpal tunnel, etc. while pregnant. I’m a recovering perfectionist myself, and when I can find the strength to clearly see things as they are, rather than for how I think they should be, I can finally move forward. Thank you again for sharing this, I really appreciate hearing how you worked through this process, physically and emotionally.
Those last pictures of you holding him up in the air are so precious!!!
First and foremost, you look AWESOME in your pictures! Haha such a difference in both Henry and you from week 1 – I guess it’s that sleep! And I’m the same way – I’ll be really hard on myself about something but not judge other people for the same thing. I think many of us are just too tough on ourselves!
Great post mama! You DO rock.
I’m sure a lot of moms and soon-to-be moms took a lot from this.
My baby was in the NICU for 5 weeks, and because he was 2 months premature, was too little to latch on until his original due date. I exclusively pumped for 2 months, and just want to say major kudos to anyone who keeps that up! I ended up successfully breastfeeding, and it is so much easier for me than pumping; I hated the physical process of pumping SO much, and it was so inconvenient. Well done Caitlin, and any mom who exclusively pumps for months on end, it really is a part time job. You should be so proud!
“But none of us are failing – we’re just changing. I think reframing your internal conversation to be more positive is such a powerful way to go about the change. There’s no reason to tear yourself down just because you are changing. ”
REALLY needed to hear this today – thanks!
I’m not a mother, but I have many friends and family members who were not able to breastfeed for a multitude of reasons, and it hurts my heart to know that they would be judged by people who do not know the circumstances. You did an awesome job, Caitlin! And you’re a great mom.
Adorable photos of you and Henry ~ you look awesome!!
Not even exaggerating…Henry is the CUTEST baby I have ever seen!
This post comes at the perfect time for me. I love everything you said. Congrats on 8 months, you rock!!! I applaud and appreciate your honesty and thank you for sharing your struggles and your triumphs. It does help a lot of us to not feel so alone. Because whether its the middle of the night and you are alone with your baby struggling to breastfeed or you are tied to your pump constantly, you can feel very isolated and alone. This post offers solidarity and as moms we need as much as we can get!
This may sound corny but posts like this are why I love your blog so much! You are so honest and real with people but very positive too.
I quit breastfeeding my second child when he was 5 months old and I felt horribly guilty about it. The day I quit I literally sobbed almost all day because I felt like I was failing him. There were certain friends I didn’t even tell that I had quit because I knew they would judge me for it. I am in a much healthier place now and spend a lot less time berating myself over parenting issues.
Congrats on making it 8 months!
I really enjoyed bf’ing a lot of the time, but pumping really wore on me. I lasted a little under four months, and once I stopped, my life got better! It was a huge weight lifted, I was happier, felt more normal, and my baby was doing great. Having my body completely mine was a relief. Yay for anyone who bf’s as much as they can, but yay for making decisions to make yourself happy too.
Great job!! I exclusively pumped my first DD for 12 months, and my second for 8! That pump will be the death of me if i have a 3rd!!! Its tough most definitely! Henry is a lucky little boy to have you as his momma!!
Good for you, Caitlin–for breastfeeding, for knowing yourself.
I am late to this post but this is just a public service announcement. I made the choice not to breastfeed pretty early on in my pregnancy and I’ve felt absolutely no regrets about this choice. I’m not here to argue about the decision but just to say I am here if anyone wants any commiseration or just wants to hear that you’re not a bad person for making (or contemplating that choice), I am here. I googled once “decides not to breastfeed” and was informed by a commenter that I was “choosing to give my kid a higher chance of dying from SIDS” so I feel the need to put the opposite type of message out there. I am not anti-breastfeeding in the least–I just wasn’t interested in it myself.
I am so glad that you wrote this post. I am not pregnant, and I don’t have any kids, but my husband and I would like to start a family within the next couple of years. I am a perfectionist also, and for this reason, I don’t want to breastfeed (as of right now, at least). Even right now, I get really burnt out when I don’t get enough sleep and can’t keep a “perfect” apartment, etc., and I know that I’ll feel the same way when we have a baby. If I don’t, and I decide to breastfeed, great, but if I don’t, I’m not going to be hard on myself. I was formula fed, and I turned out okay
.
You look amazing, by the way!
Thats crazy that you breastfed that much, holy cow! 8 months is a long time so good for you! I hope I make it half of that when I have kids
Parenting and family-ing lol is hard. I have a step son who lives with us and its hard but worth every minute!
Such a well written, inspiring post!
Caitlin, you rock!! I love reading your blog because you explore so many other facets of life besides just food. Although I am nowhere NEAR ready to have children( gotta have a ring on it first) you definitely make me think and consider the future. Feeding (y)our children is a huge job and you are awesome for making it 8 months with breast milk. Now go give that beautiful boy a hug and kiss and pinch those darling cheeks. He’s adorable and he’s lucky to have a wonderful mother
Congratulations! I have had three kids and pumped exclusively for them too. The stuff you describe physical/logistical I struggled with as well. But I only made it four months. I have realized that in order to be a good Mom you also have to take care of yourself and that includes making decisions for your family that is what is best for your specific situation. Be proud of yourself and be excited as you move into the next phase of being a mom – “toddlerhood”. It gets better and better every day!
Congratulations on 8 months of breastfeeding, Caitlin! I have also had difficulties with breastfeeding. For some reason, I just told myself beforehand that it would be easy and to not worry about it. When my daughter was born, I had a post-partum hemmorhage that prevented my milk from coming in right away because my body was trying to recover from the blood loss. She lost over 10% of her body weight by day 4 so the pediatrician told us to start formula. My “feeding plan” was to breastfeed for 20 minutes on each side, give a pumped bottle of milk from the last session, supplement that with formula, and then pump again. By the time we finished the entire ritual, it was time to start the process all over again. It was absolute torture. On top of that, she had trouble latching on and on top of THAT I had small/flat nipples. We were not destined for success!
My mom had a really severe case of PPD, so I was on high alert for any similar symptoms. And the feeding plan I was on was a one way ticket to the mental hospital for me. So, I took the advice of my family and friends and slept while she got formula at night for a couple of nights in a row (and started on Zoloft). It was so early on in our breastfeeding relationship that I’m pretty sure going so long without nursing/pumping hurt my supply permanently. I had to give up on trying to wean her off the formula and exclusively breastfeed. It just wasn’t going to happen.
It has now been almost three months and she has gotten about 50% breastmilk and 50% formula her whole life. I dropped the “pump after every feeding” and just tried to finally bond with my daughter and enjoy my time with her. It was a world of difference. Since then, we’ve had a wonderful time together. Her latch improved, the connective tissue broke down and my nipples are larger and easier for her to suckle from.
Today is my first day back at work and I have let the pump back into my good graces. Providing her breastmilk while we are separated is how we can still stay connected even though we have to be physically separated. And our nursing sessions can continue when we are together at home during the evenings and weekends.
Anyway, this is crazy long. But just know that 8 months is a wonderful accomplishment, like you said. Breastfeeding knocked me completely off my feet and has changed me as a person forever. I have so much more confidence and pride knowing that I have given up so many of my personal reservations and issues and been able to do what I feel is best for my daughter and myself. I’m so happy to have this experience to fall back on for the rest of my life if I ever need a confidence boost.
Rachel your commen has me me in tears — because I can relate! My girl has only ever gotten about 25% of my breastmilk and 75% formula and/or donor breastmilk her entire life. I too started at work recently – last week! We did the whole nurse-supplement-pump regimen for quite a while – it certainly messed with my head and I quickly became obsessive. I’m trying to find balance now – time spent with her is SUPER important. Obsessing about how much milk I can possibly make is less important. It’s so easy to become incredibly self critical.
Thank you Caitlin! Reading your blog has been such a source of encouragement and support to me throughout my pregnancy and introduction to motherhood. I think the hardest thing for a perfectionist like myself is putting my expectations aside and learning to adapt. For me this started with our labor and delivery. I had planned for a 100% natural labor and delivery. I totally bought into the mentality of “you grow the baby you can deliver” and “if you want it bad enough” blah blah blah. Turns out that I grew a baby that I couldn’t deliver! He was huge! After 18 hours of labor I ended up with a c-section. I felt so ashamed and like a complete failure. Like if f I had only tried harder it would have worked out. Then when breastfeeding was SO challenging it was just another thing that I felt like I was failing at. I have been pumping from the start and it is SO hard. It really takes the dedication of the whole family to make it work. I am happy that lots of moms have wonderful breastfeeding experiences, but I can completely understand the choice to not breastfeed or to stop earlier than expected and that is something that I didn’t understand until I was a mom going through it myself. There is so much out there on the internet that can make moms feel terrible about their choices, especially surrounding breastfeeding and I read a lot of it! Your blog posts on your breastfeeding experience got me through so many middle of the night pumping sessions when I would just be in tears about not being able to feed my baby “naturally.” Your experiences made me feel okay about mine and I can’t tell you how comforting that was during those crazy early days of parenthood. So thank you again for your honesty. You’re helping lots of moms.
I am so glad you said all of this, Caitlin! You put into words what so many moms probably could not. It’s so good to see these lessons early on in parenting because so much of parenting does come down to individual and personal choice for better versus best. Yes continuing breastfeeding “may” be “better” in terms of nutrition (to some extent), but it wasn’t what was BEST for you. Now that I have a five year old who goes to kinder next year, I am finding it is the same process of making a choice with private versus public school or with my two year old to keep him in preschool versus keep him home with me. It all comes down to what is best for our family even if outside pressure or opinions say otherwise. Happy mama = happy baby
I’m 25, I have never had a child. That being true, I still can empathize with your experience and I think your honesty is admirable, I appreciate you revealing so much of yourself for the world to see. Its enlightening when people admit their imperfections and in doing so they appear more amazing. I absolutely love your blog and just want to tell you how much I appreciate and admire your writings. :]
thank you!
LOVE seeing honest, open, non-judgmental posts on motherhood-related topics like this. As a mom of 2 (one who tried and “failed” to breastfeed both of them after early mastitis with both), it means so much. SO much.
A hearty congratulations to you on both the 8 months AND on choosing to honor yourself/your happiness (it DOES matter, you’re right) by stopping when it was more than time. Good for you, mama!! And thanks for sharing on a loaded topic. Very refreshing.
While I can’t relate to the baby part, I think what you said about the reframing your internal conversation is SO important.
Caitlin you are so wise. It brought tears to my eyes to hear you saying things that it has taken me so many years to learn (we’re not saying HOW many) and I have to say you are an inspiration to me. Some times I don’t remember to use the lessons I have learned, so thanks . You know the love you feel for Henry just jumps off the page. Oops! Tears, again.
Love you.
Ahhhhh the breastfeeding debate (believe me, in NZ, breast is pushed even more than most countries – don’t get me started on what I think this has done to PND). Anyway – anywhere I somehow get amongst the debate, I dare people to look at my five (from 21 to 11yo) and tell me which ones were breastfed, which were completely formula fed, and which were a combination … I can tell you, the completely formula fed one hasn’t got horns or anything like that
I LOVE your honesty! I’m definitely no where near having a child, but I really do enjoy these posts! haha. The science-y side of my brain wonders what women did from an evolutionary perspective? Meaning the ones who struggled with BFing? Thank goodness for technology, innovation and modern medicine. Like most women, I hope I am able to BF, but I am SO thankful to know that there are other options out there! And you make them seem just as natural and not all awful and terrible, like many others do. Congrats! Henry is too cute
Wet nurses! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wet_nurse
Haha, DUH! Thanks for that
Henry is absolutely adorable and *handsome*! I love that little guy’s smile.
What an inspiring and liberating post! I admire your courage to share this part of your mothering journey
The photo with Henry’s hand on your chest KILLS me, I melted into a puddle when I scrolled down and saw that!
Thanks for sharing this. Henry is sooooo cute!
Congrats on breastfeeding for 8 months!! That is seriously amazing, and you definitely should be proud of yourself. I always enjoy reading these monthly posts, as my little girl is 9 1/2 months old. Just wanted to say that I so appreciate your honesty and realness on your blog– it’s a bit of a rare thing in the blogosphere, as I often feel so much pressure to be the “perfect mom.” Always look forward to reading your blog every day!
Just want to say that I appreciate this post…not a mom yet, but know those that are and face a lot of guilt associated with stopping breastfeeding.
I plan to breastfeed once we are lucky enough to have a kid, but I really really really hate the radical pro-breast-feeding movement. It makes moms feel guilt like you have and overemphasizes the slight health advantages that breastfeeding brings (especially breastfeeding beyond 6 months).
Honestly, part of me believes that the whole pro-breast-feeding movement is just a tool of the patriarchy and has taken feminism backwards a bit. Using the boob to keep women out of the workplace and in the home and guilting those who choose their own sanity/health/happiness over a minor improvement for their child.
Heather the advantages of bf-ing go beyond 6 months. and i don’t think “the boob ” keeps women out of the workplace. the decision and financial ability to stay at home is not the same as keeping women out of the workplace.
There’s an interesting piece in The Atlantic that was published a couple years ago taking an honest critical look at the data on the benefits of breastfeeding and discussing the social (and arguably patriarchal) pressures it puts on Women. :
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/1/
I always appreciate different perspectives on these issues and I think the author of the article makes really valid points in criticizing some of the more militant pro-breastfeeding groups.
I find the tool of patriarchy here to be the formula lobbyists. Their deep pockets promote formula feeding solely to make more money for themselves and their political agendas.
Avoiding formula altogether is my goal. Breastfeeding, when possible, is best.
I haven’t read the other comments yet, but I am sure many of them echo mine: thank you for the honest post regarding the potential trials, tribulations, and emotions surrounding breast feeding. T’was a refreshingly honest article.
I really like when you write posts like this. im not a mom, nor do I intend to be one soon. But I think it’s really eye-opening and really interesting to read when you talk about topics like this. You can read books or talk to professionals about things like this, but you never really get a truly real response like the one you’ve given here.
Alsoo! Your hair length in these photos is perfect for you. You look so lovely
I agree, your hair looks great! I just had about 5 inches chopped off myself and feel like it looks so much healthier and sophisticated. Gorgeous!
What a thought provoking post. Caitlin, your honesty is refreshing. I think sharing your experiences with breastfeeding & pumping will help others. It’s hard to fight the self-judgment, and we need try to practice more of the self-love.
Henry is lucky to have you!
I just wanted to thank you for this post! I’ve never commented before but have been a fairly long-term ready. I had my little girl two weeks after you had Henry and breastfeeding didn’t go so well for us, we ended up having to use a shield. I had never even heard of one til they brought it to me after giving birth and breastfeeding wasn’t working for us. Seeing you having to use one really “normalized” the idea of the nipple shield for me. After two months at home I needed to go back to work and started pumping exclusively. I never really got into the nursing and it always felt like more of a chore with all the issues we would have.
I just stopped pumping this week and feel great about it! I’m proud I made it as far as I did. I like having my body back (and my husband likes that the boobs back on the table
.
So anyway, thanks for being so honest and open with your experience. I’ve found a lot of comfort in your breastfeeding posts!
I think giving myself permission to stop when it is too difficult to go on was the hardest decision I made after having my son. I agonized over that decision for what felt like a lifetime. I was miserable, in severe pain (having migraines every day I pumped/breastfed from all the hormonal stuff going on, and had a baby with a horrible latch that two lactation consultants couldn’t fix), and sleep deprived from bottle feeding, rocking to sleep, pumping every 3 hours. I was on the fast train to crazy town. Thankfully I have an amazing husband who intervened and took me to the doctor so she could give me permission to stop.
I tried again with baby #2….had the same exact experience and it was much easier to quit the second time around.
I am really enjoying your posts like this. As we think about whether we’ll breastfeed or not, one of my concerns is that if we do then that will place much of the feeding burden on me. Specifically that we won’t be able to share the burden of middle-of-the-night feedings, which could set me and my husband up on a bad precedent of me taking on much more of the baby caring for responsibilities. We spent several years discussing it before we decided to have a child and part of our reluctance is the weird mythologizing we do of “mothers” in our culture and how much of the burden of child-rearing falls to women instead of both parents (which is definitely the case with breastfeeding). Ideally we would want us both to share this burden, so for now, we are doing a wait and see thing and see how breastfeeding does (or doesn’t) work out.
That was one of the best things about the pump. Even if you BF during the day, your husband can give bottles at night. Just make sure your supply is established!
I’m glad to hear of other moms with the same issues! I didn’t produce enough, so we bf and did formula from one month on. I bf my son until he got teeth – which was at 4 1/2 months. He didn’t get the hint that he wasn’t supposed to bite me, so I switched to pumping, which I continued until 8 months. I began to hate the pump and we had frozen milk, so we finished that up and he continued formula until he turned 1. I would have loved to have nursed him longer, but we had to do what is right for us. When we have our second, I will attempt to nurse again – but I will be ok with whatever the outcome. My boy is happy and healthy and that’s the important thing!
Hey-I made it 8 months with my babe too–we rock!!!
Fabulous post, as usual. You always tackle sensitive topics with such grace.
it’s so emotionally and physically taxing in a way that breastfeeding just isn’t (so I hear).
Obviously you have never had your nipple bitten by an angry teething toddler lol. I think they’re both taxing, but in completely different ways.
Lol no I haven’t!!!!
You’re such an inspiration! I am exclusively pumping and there’s nothing to LIKE about it. Except for the whole ‘I’m giving my baby the best milk’ thing, pumping 8 times a day is exhausting and I’ve only been doing it for 6 weeks. I too never though BF’ing would be soooo hard for me (natural childbirth was a breeze compared to breastfeeding) but hey, each day I pump, I give myself a mental party. Love this post!
Eight months of breastfeeding is WAY more than I did. I lasted 10 days with my first (seriously more painful than labor!), did not even attempt it with my second (memories still too fresh!), and 5 days with my third (remembered why I quit with the first!). I give a lot of credit to anyone who tries, and certainly don’t judge anyone who chooses formula! I also felt a lot of pressure to do the “right thing” with breastfeeding, but there is definitely no one “right thing” for anything in parenthood. I remember crying so hard with the first bottle I gave my first, but when I decided to switch to formula with my third I just felt relief. I knew it was right for me and my child. My strong, healthy first and second born were proof:).
You are an awesome mom!! And Henry is one lucky little guy to have you.
It took serious guts to write this, I’m sure. Kudos to you!
just want to say i SO understand, and i really think you are never going to second guess your decision now that you’ve made it! i ditched the pump at 9 months and there is NO question that it was time. i had exactly the same perfectionistic hesitations about it — but in the end i look back and already wish i could tell myself to be proud of all the pumping i did!!
re: weaning: i stopped pumping pretty quickly (still doing AM/PM breastfeeding) and didn’t really have mood swings but i had a lot of nausea and almost pregnancy-like symptoms! so, if that happens to you, you’re not crazy
Great photos! You both look beautiful
I’m coming up on five months of exclusively breastfeeding and it is HARD. Physically, we’ve been lucky in that it’s really easy for us, but the emotional side is just crazy. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to be a foodsource! I can’t go more than 3 hours without either breastfeeding or pumping and that’s a huge commitment and exhausting. And now that I’m back at work I’m not producing enough for him, so I’m dipping into the freezer stash and trying to make peace with the fact that there will probably be some formula in his future.
Congratulations and thank you for writing this post! I’m nota mom but I too struggle with the urge to be perfect all the time. As you said, it is both a blessing and a curse. I love all of your posts but I think this may be the best one you’ve ever written! I’m so hard on myself all the time and just recently have been trying to be gentler with myself, so the timing of this was perfect!
Also, you look incredible and Henry is adorable!!
Well done! 8 months IS awesome. I only made it 4 months with all 4 of my kids.
Caitilin, thank you so much for posting this. I recently blogged about my issues and struggles with exclusively pumping and it was so therapeutic to get it off my chest (no pun intended, heh). We’re nearing three months of EPing over here but I’m about to go back to my full time job as an attorney and I know it’s going to get a heck of a lot more challenging to pump (I have to pump 8-10 times a day for 30 minutes a session to get 35-40 oz a day so it’s super time consuming for me to meet Z’s needs without supplementing). I have a freezer full of back up milk and I hope to continue EPing as long as I can. I’ve been beating myself up royally over every aspect of EPing and breastfeeding in general. I’ve decided not to put a timeline on when I quit pumping because my thoughts on the topic change on a daily basis. You’re post reminds me why I shouldn’t judge myself so much… and for that I thank you because I need that reminder .I’m so so proud of you for making it 8 months, I can’t even look that far down the road so you are my hero!
I am always amazed when a blogger can delve into what has become an extremely controversial topic. The mommy wars are certainly not going anywhere anytime soon. It makes me want to never discuss my future plans…ever! No matter what you do, you will always be “wrong” in someone’s eyes. There’s no way to be perfect, only to be you. So keep doing what you see as best!
You are an awesome mom. Great post. Love Henry’s outfit!
Are you totally looking forward to adding cheese back into your diet??
Is it okay if I say FUCK YES???
This is such a great post. Even though I’m not a mom yet, I really appreciate you opening up about your struggles with breastfeeding. I totally agree with you, and though mom’s face pressure with hundreds of choices when it comes to their baby, no one thing is best for every mom and her baby! It’s also a huge help for me to read women’s experiences with issues like this, so I’ll be better prepared when (Lord willing) that day comes for me!
I loved this post!!! I am not a mum but I think about these issues a lot. My mother always thinks it’s strange when mums don’t breast feed but I thinks it’s mainly because her experience with breast feeding was that it was effortless and she enjoyed it. I have no malice toward my mum however I realise that breast feeding for many mums is hard work.
I don’t judge mothers for anything except smoking around children because my mother had so many health issues caused by passive smoking, so again it’s based on experience.
Caitlin you did an amaaaazing job pumping for that long! That’s an incredible effort but I’m so happy you realised it wasn’t for you
Love this post and major props to you for sharing such a personal issue in a very eloquent way! I’m not a mom but I think you make such a good point about not judging ourselves so harshly. I often catch myself thinking “you’re weak” if illness causes me to cancel on someone or “you’re failing” if I don’t reach a goal when I think I should. I think we have to remind ourselves to be at least as kind to ourselves as we would to other people we care about. Like you said, often we’re kinder to strangers than to ourselves!
I’m 6 and a half months pregnant with my first and terrified of nursing. I know it’s what is best, but I also have to return to work full time after 8 weeks so I’m planning to pump. I loved reading your posts about breastfeeding and pumping. Not only are they informative, but also so encouraging! Just an FYI for those who might not know, as of Jan 1st, 2013 all insurance companies are required BY LAW (thanks Obamacare!) to cover breast pumps! http://m.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2013/01/04/the-breast-pump-industry-is-booming-thanks-to-obamacare/
Well spoken
Thanks for this post, Caitlin! I have to admit that when I started reading it I didn’t find it relatable…I breastfed both my kids for 2 yrs, didn’t mind pumping when I was at work, etc.
then I got to thinking. I have mommy guilt over having c sections. (9+ lb babies). I wanted to vbac and still ended up a section. I still think all of the time about what I could have done differently to avoid a section (and I am a labor and delivery nurse so I know it was probably inevitable). I feel like I missed this great, awesome experience of delivering my baby vaginally.
To make a long story short…i think that is why I was so passionate about extended nursing. I consider myself “AP” as a mommy but since I ended up a section I was even more bound and determined to make nusing work.
Yes, this, but for me, since I went through infertility and IVF, I was even more determined to make nursing work to “make up for it.”
Thank you for your honesty and openness. It takes so much introspection and clear headedness to truly delve into the issues we face daily and I always feel positive and refreshed in hearing your view points on such issues. You are a trusted voice in my life and I suspect many others. Thank you.
Just wanted to say how fantastic you look! I would say the sleep is doing good things for you
Way to go for making it 8 months as a breastfeeder!
“I want my breasts back, I want my time back, I want my freedom back”
I remember when i stopped breatsfeeding it was such a relief – all of a sudden I felt much more freedom. It felt so weird (in a good way) that my body belonged to ME again, i didn’t have to worry about my alcohol/caffeine intake anymore, i didn’t have to wonder whether it was something i ate that made my baby fussy, etc.
8 whole months of breastmilk is a great achievement. I can imagine so many people would have stopped way sooner when faced with challenges. Thank you for your honesty!
You have to do what is best for Yourself And your family <3
Also… holy Wow, I cannot believe you had a baby 8 months ago… you are one HAWT Mama!!
Girl – It is like we have had the exact same experience with breastfeeding. I have commented on this topic before but nursing wasn’t easy for me & my baby either. Had to use the shields and we did that until she was 3.5 months and then at that time I started pumping exclusively. I am still pumping exclusively and she is now 9.5 months old. I have been struggling with a lot of the issues you mentioned here – perfectionism, thinking I need to keep going just because of my milk supply, feeling guilty for not loving breastfeeding, etc. I totally get it!! I really really hate breastfeeding. There. I said it. Totally hate it. I am on the verge of weaning but keep telling myself “it’s free. . . I’m saving money. . . etc etc.” We will see what happens. THANK YOU for posting about this issue. It’s quite liberating actually!
Loved this post Caitlin! I don’t have kids, but have passed it onto my best friend who is currently breast feeding her daughter who is 2 months old as it’s such a great positive message and I know they’ve had some struggles.
Congratulations for making it to 8 months and enjoy some CHEESE!
X
My beautiful first born was a nightmare to breast feed . I struggled , cried, drove myself mad with guilt & feelings of pressure to continue and meanwhile my baby was irritable while feeding , not thriving and generally ‘feeding’ off my stress. I finally made the decision to stop at around 8 months. Best.Decision.Ever.
My ‘baby’ is next to me now on the couch. She is 16 , beautiful, healthy,happy and just randomly said “I love you Mum” .Does it matter now that I ‘only’ breast fed her for 8 months.?. Not a scrap!!
Your an awesome Mumma, be proud x
Amen sister…well put! I think 8 months is a HUGE accomplishment considering I could only make it 8 weeks with both of my boys. It just hurt way too much, my oldest was colicky, i was sleep deprived, the list goes on and on. It just didn’t work for me and the guilt I felt whne I stopped was unbearable!
I’m pregnant with baby boy #3 and I wonder how it will go this time. I considered pumping exclusively before (my problem was NEVER supply and it always felt like a huge waste), but good grief, the time that takes is insane. I love that you cut yourself some slack. I wish I had done that earlier myself!!!!
your blazer is super cute! recent buy? from where?/brand?
Goodbye diet restrictions! Hello large cheese pizza, bucket of beers, and fro-yo. My baby has only had formula and people always comment how advanced he is.
Thank you for sharing this!!!
Do you plan to go back to eating dairy now that you don’t have to avoid it for Henry?
My son was also allergic to milk protein and thankfully outgrew it. We introduced small amounts of dairy products (not milk) around 10 months.
I’m not a mum – but it is always nice to see an honest post about not living up to your ideas of what is “perfect” or what your definition of success is. I think we learn so much from having to make decisions that are different from what we think we ought to do or what we wanted to do.
We all do the best we can and our best has to be good enough sometimes – or we’ll all go crazy. Thanks for a post that made me think.
I just had to chime in, too – I exclusively pumped for 9.5 months. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. The time commitment, the constant washing of bottles/parts, the mental anguish and guilt over not being able to “properly” nurse my baby … it was exhausting and it took away from my time/experience with my baby. Finally allowing myself to quit was such a huge relief. I was able to focus on being a mom. I still have a little “post-traumatic stress” when I hear about a new mom having trouble with breastfeeding. It was HARD for us, but my daughter is happy, healthy, and that is all that matters. Best of luck to you. Thank you for your honesty – this mom really appreciates it!
Good for you, Caitlin! You are doing the best thing for you and your family, that’s something to be proud of.
I so appreciate how open and honest you are, especially about seeing a therapist. A healthy mind is just as important as a healthy body
I’m sure I will get flamed for this, but you’ve said before that pumping only takes you 5 minutes? And that you only have to pump 5-6 times a day? I know lots of women that formula feed, lots of women that breastfeed, lots of women that exclusively pump for a year, and they are all great mothers. It doesn’t matter to me what anyone feeds their baby. But since you’ve said before that breast milk is superior to formula, and that formula for Henry would be really, really expensive, and you’ve obviously been very conflicted about not pumping anymore since you’ve written multiple posts about it. Personally, I think that half an hour of an unpleasant task a day for another 3-4 months doesn’t sound like an insurmountable task.
Maybe I’m just bitter because I had to fight my company tooth and nail to get a set-up where I could pump, and since my body never responded well to the pump I had to pump for hours every day (on top of nursing) to get enough milk for my baby. I worked HARD to make sure my baby stayed on 100% breast milk, because it was something that was important to me. But I certainly don’t feel like I deserve a medal for all that, because I knew before I got pregnant that having a baby would be a lot of work – it’s what I expected. And when I look at my daughter, I knew I would do all of that over again and more if I had to. And I feel incredibly lucky that I was even able to pump for those 12 months – so, so many women that would love to exclusively breastfeed or exclusively pump don’t have that option, for physical or socioeconomic reasons.
No one should have to martyr themselves, but I think that having a baby does involve some level of sacrifice and hard work. I look at my friend that has 4 kids and managed to breastfeed twins exclusively for a year while working full time. I look at my sister who fought through depression and serious PPD and came out the other side happier and healthier than ever, all while her husband had to travel over 200 days a year for work and she has a baby with health issues. Neither of them expect to be publicly rewarded for those things, because it’s just what they have to do in life. This is a very puritanical opinion, I think that our society really has lowered itself to aiming for the bare minimum and expecting to be rewarded for that. Honestly, doing every day adult stuff doesn’t deserve praise.
I love this comment and totally agree!
Caitlin,
I haven’t ever commented before, but I felt inspired to do so today. I have a son – who is actually the exact same age as Henry. I have truly loved going through the whole pregnancy and birth etc. via the internet with you. Also, you know one of my my friends and former roommates Anne @fannetasticfood. So, I sorta feel like we are connected on a deeper level.
I had an extremely difficult labor and delivery with my son Holden. He was delivered via emergency c-section after I got sick and we stopped progressing in labor. Luckily, all turned out well, and we had a healthy and happy baby boy! Breastfeeding was the one part of becoming a mom that I struggled with throughout my pregnancy – I was extremely nervous and felt a tremendous amount of pressure to do it.
I was able to nurse Holden three hours after he was born – and he was a champ. Unfortunately, due to the complications during his delivery, Holden was placed in the NICU for three days post delivery. There, he was on heavy antibiotics and given formula to keep him hydrated. I pumped and breastfed him every chance I got, but he was given formula from day one. The next six weeks, we continued the pattern. I nursed him, then he was given formula by dad. It was tough, because every feeding took at least 30-45 minutes – which as you know, is tough when a newborn is eating every 2 hours. Luckily, we didn’t have any problems with switching from breast to bottle – Holden just liked to eat! At first, I felt like I needed to wean him off the formula so I could breastfeed full time. I pumped and pumped, trying to increase my supply. It just wasn’t working, and I remember feeling like such a failure that I couldn’t make enough milk for my little guy.
When Holden was six weeks old, I got sick. I got an infection from all the antibiotics I had in the hospital (probiotics, ladies!). The medicine to treat the infection prevented me from breastfeeding – so I stopped cold turkey. It was an intensely emotional way to stop – I felt like I wasn’t given the opportunity to chose how I started feeding my son, and now I didn’t get to chose how I stopped.
Over time, I have realized a few things. One, my son is happy and healthy and growing like a weed. I gave him the best that I could, and he and I are better because of it. I still feel guilty sometimes, because I too, wanted to be successful. However, it has taught me to not judge other moms – it is so important that we support all moms, however they chose to feed their babies. There is no right way or wrong way when it comes to the health of your child. And every mom is doing the best that they can.
Congrats on being a great mom Caitlin, I’m looking forward to watching Henry grow up with Holden
<3 I've been so impressed with how you handled everything, Sarah. You really never know how things are going to work out until you're there, and it's so important to not be too hard on yourself or others. Everyone is just doing the best they can, you're right!
I am still amazed how often women judge other women about their choses as mothers. After haveing my son in August I was really suprised how sensitive I have become to other peoples comments about my baby, whether it is that he cries to much or is really big or that he is a very active child etc.
I think as women we should all take a step back and reflect on the greatest sacrifice we just made, by carrying this baby to term and giving birth. NO one can do this but you and you should be extremely proud of yourself, but instead new mommy-hood is swamped by guilt and self-doubts on whether or not you are doing the best for you child. WE ALL ARE.
I am lucky that myself, both my sister-laws and my cousin all gave birth with in the four months of each other. I think we all realize how hard this new role is and we try to support one another in each others decisions. We have all chosen different paths when it comes to feeding and have realized what works for Me might not work for you, but its not a big deal.
I think we should all give each other a pat on the back for doing the best that we can.
hank you for this post. I know that I have said this before but I have really been enjoying following your journey through pregnancy and mother hood. I have learned alot and you are also a great motivator….i.e. my attempt to run my first half marathon since getting pregnant is mostly because of your post on the half you did. THank you!
AMEN.
Caitlin,
Thanks so much for this post. I don’t have children yet and so I cannot relate to breastfeeding but your thoughts really resonate with me regarding my career. I get so focused on what I haven’t been able to or don’t want to achieve and forget to focus on the fact that there are other things in my life that are so much more important to me and are going really great-like my relationships. Thank you for reminding me.
I hope this doesn’t come up twice.
Thanks so much for sharing!! I also struggled with bfing and only made it a month.
Do you plan to reintroduce dairy to your diet now that you aren’t avoiding for Henry? I know that had to be hard!! My son had the same allergy but we formula fed and he thankfully outgrew it.
I had a very tough go with breasfeeding, reflux, milk protien intolerance, etc. and my son is about 6 weeks younger than yours. I quit breastfeeding at six weeks and some days still feel guilty about it. It doesn’t matter if your child is formula fed or breastfed, just that he’s FED. I found a website that really helped with a lot of stories from other mothers: http://www.fearlessformulafeeders.com
Congrats on making it to eight months!!! He looks like a healthy, happy boy! That’s what truly matters!
Great post. I actually know very few moms who DO breastfeed so I feel like I have little support because I want to try breastfeeding my son when he’s born in May. I guess it depends on where you live and who you know. Most of my mom friends work and feed formula. My mom asked me if I planned to BF and I told her yes, I plan to try. She did not BF me. She asked what I would do when I went back to work and I told her I would pump. She told me that sounded awful. Sure, it may not be the most pleasant experience, but it’s something I want to try. Anyway, I appreciate different perspectives and appreciate having somewhere to go for “support” when I feel discouraged (such as reading old posts, etc.) since I don’t have much real-life support (other than doctors, nurses, lactation consultants, etc.)
Why are you so awesome!? I read your blog every single day, our baby boys were born two days apart (needless to say I’ve enjoyed going through the entire pregnancy/birth/babies with you over the internet) and you make me feel so much better about motherhood and the decisions I’ve made over the past 8 months. Thank you for sharing something so personal, it is truly appreciated!
Healthy Topping Point is the very first healthy living blog I started to follow a few years ago and I never imagined what an impact it would have on my life. Since I discovered it, I’ve run three half marathons plus a few smaller races, completely overhauled my diet, and changed my perspective on what it means to be “healthy”.
Now I am expecting my first baby and feel incredibly grateful for each and every Mind/Body After Baby post and all of the pregnancy posts before it. I love your honesty and self-confidence because I feel like it gives me permission to be confident in my own choices as a soon-to-be-mother.
I guess I just want to thank you for all that you do. I know none of it is easy but as you can see from all of the comments above, and this one, it is appreciated more than you could ever know!
Thank you! Congrats!
Hey, I only made it 2 months because my little guy was spitting up half of what I gave him! In my sleep deprived state I couldn’t see a way to continue. He would only keep down soy formula even though he can drink milk now(3 years later). More than anything I want to make it longer if we have another one but it can be hard.
I feel your comment “Breastfeeding is a huge emotional and physical commitment, and although it is easy for many women, I really think we should give a HUGE round of applause to every mom who breastfeeds – no matter for how long” doesn’t really help with the Mommy Wars. Now, hear me out. The thing is that a parent is feeding his or her kid. Whether that is done with a bottle of formula or a tit full of milk, does that really deserve a round of applause?
Yes, breastfeeding is hard. Pumping is hard. Formula is expensive. I just feel like it’s the healthy baby that deserves the applause. Not how you get there. The moms who can’t breastfeed, the parents of adopted children, the people who used surrogates to conceive, they all “deserve applause” too.
It was hard to write that sentence.
I hear ya.
My kids are 8 and 5 and sadly, the judgements don’t end. “You let your child eat a Happy Meal?!?” *gasp* “You mean, your kids aren’t in U8 soccer, cheerleading, dance, piano, Spanish lessons, AND basketball??! How will they ever be successful adults?” (Obviously, I am being somewhat sarcastic, but you catch my drift.)
Someone will always find fault with your choices as a mom. The key is for YOU to be ok with them. And to remember that little guy thinks you’re the best mom EVER. That has to count for something.
And for what it’s worth, we formula fed our daughter from 6 weeks on and our son from birth. Both are super bright and very healthy. They almost never get sick, even though they attend the germ-farms known as school every day.
Thank you for always sharing so much of yourself! The honesty is refreshing! I also have perfectionist tendencies and know I will place a lot of pressures on myself when we start a family. I will need to remember, as you remind yourself, that you ARE doing a good job!
I have been following your blog for awhile now (among other HLB’s) and I am loving yours the best! I have a 5 month old and have learned so much from your blog. I also definitely understand what you went through as some weeks (I am a full time working mom) I end up only pumping (while taking fenugreek and mothers milk tea to up supply) and then think whats even the point… so weekends I try to nurse (where my baby add’s and uses a shield so it becomes a messy milk war). But I keep at it. Its really nuts the pressure we put on ourselves for something that the baby will end up being ok with either way… anyways, this post was really helpful along with all of your other baby posts that keep it real. Keep em coming please, and I definitely think you are amazing for pumping this whole time! Go you!
Let me first say, congrats on making it 8 months!! As a fellow ‘perfectionist/BF-ing /pumping Mom I can relate to everything you are saying. Breastfeeding is not always the beautiful experince that one hopes for. I had issues with latch so I needed sheilds. I never once nursed in public (don’t want anyone to see that!) When I returned to work I pumped 3 times a day in a little room away from my desk. My supply would drop, then increase. My hormones and weight were all over the place. I wanted my life back. It felt awful about it but after being pregnant for 9 months no one tells you that if you decide to breastfeed you are giving up your body for another year or whatever length ‘society’ tells us is the best for our kids. At 8 months I too started to suppliment with formula and weaned off the pump. By 10 months I had weaned my daughter to formula completely. Now she is 15 months and drinking whole milk. I can’t even remember what it felt like to nurse. I bet she can’t either. I know if I’m blessed with another child I will nurse again but I will NOT feel badly if things don’t go as planned.
PS- I do plan to eat my placenta with the next one. Thanks to your input!!
Best of luck! XO
Thank you for sharing your private experiences and feelings with us. I really appreciate hearing about your experiences as a new mom. I am getting ready to marry my fiance in just 17 days and the topic of starting a family is never far away. I know that when we are ready I will be re-reading many of your posts and encouraging my then-husband to take a look as well.
You are brave, Caitlin. Thank you!
This is just so timely in my life, so thanks for sharing. The part about not being able to berate yourself into happiness struck such a cord with me that I stopped and sat back in my chair. I’m BFing/pumping my infant, and I balance that with ridiculously long hours at a very demanding job, another child, husband, etc. At some point, I can’t worry about maintaining a perfect supply (and feeling like a failure if I don’t) but instead I just have to do the best I can and be happy with that. Thank you.
Don’t know if anybody already mentioned this or not but the two biggest surprises after I stopped nursing and pimping after 7.5 months was this: sex became awesome again (apparently BFing makes your vagina a raisin….why doesn’t anybody tell you this before?!) and that my biological clocked kicked into overdrive. My body figured out that it was done tending to the needs of #1 and was like bring on #2! I’ve had extreme baby fever for a year and a half now. Luckily I didn’t get the emotional swings that some Mamas get so hopefully that won’t be a challenge for you.
Yay for sex. That sounds like a Nice benefit!!!
Motherhood is so competitive and it’s crazy that a lot of it comes from within. I’m so glad you talked about this. I think even a lot of people who don’t consider themselves perfectionists try to be the perfect mom and beat themselves up when there’s no such thing.
Congratulations, what an accomplishment to make it 8 months! I naively had this image of exclusively nursing my baby for a year, and shamefully did judge other mothers who chose not to nurse. Big life lesson for me! My little girl showed up 5 weeks early, I was told in the hospital that I had to nurse then pump and offer a bottle after every nursing session bc she wasn’t strong enough to get enough from just nursing, but she still struggled to gain weight. Numerous times I left the doctor’s office crying and feeling like a failure. I pumped after nursing her 8-10 times a day and I still couldn’t make enough milk, not to mention leave my house. All I did was feed the baby for 8 weeks straight, and still she wasn’t gaining like they wanted. Finally we started supplementing formula because I got a nasty bought of mastitis and could no longer make enough, down to 2-3 oz. and the right side never recovered. Again I felt like a failure. We had to see a specialist to have her sucking evaluated and throat examined, it was beyond stressful! What it all boiled down to was that she was premature and needed extra time to sort out her swallowing/breathing coordination. So after 8 weeks of exclusive breast milk we started supplementing formula and she started figuring out how to suck and swallow and finally gained weight. Today we have a happy healthy formula fed 5 month old. I will never judge the way a mom chooses to feed her baby again. Exclusively pumping is rough and I commend you for making it so far. You are very brave to share it all, I admit that I still feel shame that nursing didn’t work for us and am very protective of my story if that makes sense. Thank you for sharing.
I just hope you know how important these posts that you write are, and the positive effect you’re having on others by writing them. Anytime your bring voice to otherwise silence issues (breastfeeding hardships, fertility, miscarriage, depression etc) you’re helping take the stigma out of them. You have reached so many people with these posts, and given them a place to share, connect, learn, and hopefully pass along your/their feelings. I truly believe that that is how change happens. I hope you know it doesn’t go unnoticed, and that you are able to continue to do this.
<3
Thank you for writing this. With my daughter I tried to breastfeed and ending up pumping for 3 months and then formula feeding. Now with my second I’m breastfeeding and also pump slowly changing to exclusively pumping. My daughter is now 3.5 and sharp as a whip. I’m happy that you went as far as you did and there are times I wish I went further than 2 months with my daughter and i’m coming up to 2 months with my son hoping i can get past that date. I know how you feel about the whole thing, I dealt with it with my first and slowly having the same feelings with my son.
Caitlin,
You are truly an inspirational woman in many ways but this touches close to home. I have an almost 2 month old and a 4 year old and the second lil munchkin has proven to be a challenge. I didn’t breastfeed my first (probably because I was 21 in nursing school an just plain selfish) but with my second I’m struggling to breastfeed. I have been pumping the last month to feed her because at first I was paranoid not knowing how much she was eating and my supply was never coming in great. Now a month later I have to take fenugreek to maintain a minimal supply, I take reglan because the dr said it would help with production, I was eating “real” oatmeal twice a day, power pumping the whole nine yards to trust and establish a supply, now it’s pumping 4-5 times a day and getting a minimal amount (3-4 ounces) but I feel the same way I want to stop altogether because its so taxing mentally and it’s not coming easy for my body but I feel like I would be letting my daughter down not to mention feeling like I failed at something every woman is suppose to be able to do
You have done so much. You aren’t selfish and you are failing if you choose to stop!
I strongly recommend reading ‘Bringing up Bebe’ by Pamela Drucker, an American woman living in Paris. She has some very interesting observations on how the differences between American/English styles of parenting and French! Cannot recommend it more strongly!!! Will help with the perfectionist guilt that so many mothers feel.
Hi Caitlin-
I give you so much credit for making it breastfeeding 8 months. I am at 4 months and on a daily basis have an internal argument with myself about starting formula. I have been almost exclusively pumping since I went back to work when baby was 6 weeks and it is a lot. In the AM I am good reved up for the day and okay with it but by the time I pump for the last time around 11:00 – 11:30 when all I want to do is go to sleep I start to lose that motivation. I am on a daily basis just getting it done no extra and if my little princess wants to eat in the middle of the night (she does this all the time now for the past month and a half) I have to feed her and then pump or I won’t have enough for daycare the next day. The doctor suggested starting rice ceral to see if that helps fill her up instead of formula since I am having supply issues. I am hoping this works and she starts sleeping through the night again. My goal is to go to 6 months I hope I can do it but we will see.
You are an excellent mom. Pumping for 8 months is amazing. I pumped when I went back to work and only made it 4.5 months. It was difficult for me to stop even thought I wasn’t pumping enough, and the added stress wasn’t worth it. The minute I decided to quit a huge weight was lifted of my shoulders. So glad you made it so long because it is such a commitment and Henry will be proud to know how committed you are to his wellbeing. Great job!
I love how honest you are in your posts. 8 months is an amazing accomplishment. I’m the same way about judging myself, but not other moms. I definitely need to work on that. I made it 11 months with my nugget, I knew it was time to stop when I was dreading every pumping and/or nursing session at the end. I slowly weaned by dropping 1 feeding/week and didn’t have any hormonal issues or pain. Good luck with the weaning process!
Have you decided on a brand of formula you’ll be using??
Caitlin, I also stopped at eight months. It just wasn’t working for us anymore: Hudson was not interested in nursing, I was getting bitten a lot and my milk supply was starting to drop off. It was time. Part of me felt awesome for making it that far, part of me felt like it was woefully inadequate. But isn’t that just parenthood? At the end of the day, we all have to do what feels right and get over it. Thanks for sharing!
You are a very inspirational writer! I have read your blog quietly for years now from where I live in rural Western Australia and although there are many differences between you and I, most everything you write resonates with me. Most strongly – THIS POST. I have a 3 month old daughter and one of the things that surprised me the most about parenthood is how challanging breastfeeding is on so many levels (physical, emotional, etc). Thank you for your frank and open discussion of what is a very emotionally charged subject. And I LOVE what you have to say about not judging other mothers…. YES! I get it now…. If you havent stood in someone’s shoes then best you not judge as you do not know what has brought them to where they are today. Thank you! Love reading your blog.
Thank you!
Thank you for this. I am expecting my first child in July and am already nervous about not being able to do this well.
The first four months of breastfeeding was one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. I felt like quitting so many times. I went to the store a few times but I would read the formula ingredients and I couldn’t buy it (once a baby is eating solid foods then I wouldn’t feel as concerned). I also live in Canada where the recommendation is to breastfeed for two years for optimal immunity and cognitive benefits. Actually, the World Health Organization recommends two years as well.
I had problems with fast flow (not oversupply though) , flat nipples, dairy intolerance and reflux. My baby has always eaten every two hours on average day and night so I can’t get much from pumping. He had a such a hard time breastfeeding until he got big enough to handle the flow (he still needs to unlatch often). It really didn’t get easier until about five months. I admit that I do judge people who don’t even try to breastfeed or give up before six months if they are off work. It was so hard for me but quitting would have been for selfish reasons. There are very few women who really can’t breastfeed (yes, once in a while there’s a woman whose supply can’t even be helped by medication). Some mothers who have commented could have benefited from seeking help from other sources like La Leche League (by phone if it’s not active locally). I went to two doctors, one lactation consultant and two breastfeeding mothers groups. I’m glad that I pressured myself to make the best effort for my baby despite the difficulty. It took months but eventually almost all issues resolve themselves. I’m glad that I felt some societal pressure too. My grandmother gave my mother and her siblings condensed milk! Back then there was negative judgment if you did breastfeed because “only poor people did it.” Let’s be real. There will always be judgment. It takes a village to raise a child after all. Thank goodness that there is pressure to breastfeed rather than to formula feed nowadays.
I think you’ve done a good job considering you went back to work. I’m not sure if you tried to return to breastfeeding rather than bottle feeding once Henry was big enough. Ideally, I think breastfeeding for over a year is best, but obviously Henry will be raised well and will eat a healthy diet.
I am late to this post, but I really appreciate that you shared your honest feelings. Breastfeeding didn’t work for me with my daugther, but I did pump for 2 months. My mom told me day after day that it was ok to stop if it was making me crazy (coming from a huge breastfeeding advocate), but I had huge guilt that I imposed on myself. I too felt that any mom should give herself a break and do what’s right for her, but I continued to make myself totally miserable and exhausted for way too long. Once I finally stopped, it was a huge weight off my shoulders and I could actually enjoy being with my daughter. It makes me really nervous about if/when we have a second child. I would love this glorious breastfeeding relationship (and I’m hoping we won’t have the same issues I had with my daughter with #2 since she had surgery at 11 weeks!), but I’m nervous that I may not want to do it all now.
Hey Caitlin! Sorry to be posting this late (especially as I have already commented on how amazing I think you are for your honesty & making the best decision for your family), but as someone who pumps a lot, what is your take on a freezer stash? I ask because I unfortunately was not able to see a lacation specialist, attend a La La Leche League meeting, and I just went to lunch with a gf yesterday who says the stock I am building currently may be for nothing.. as she states our breastmilk changes to tailor our babies as they grow, essentially saying what I am pumping while she is 12 weeks may not be as helpful if I feed it to her when she is 5 months. Thoughts? I take so much from your personal experiences and knowledge, and I know you have done quite a bit of research on the topic of breastfeeding, so I figured I would throw this out there to see what you had to say! Again, thanks for your honesty – so refreshing to us mother’s just trying to do what’s best!
I have heard that too but I have freezer milk from 6 months on that I will be feeding him. I’m sure it’s not AS ideal but it will be fine!
Congratulations on 8 months! This is a wonderful post, one I will refer friends in a similar position to. As a midwife myself and friend to many incredible women who have all had extremely varied and individual experiences with breastfeeding, I am constantly reminded while breastfeeding is always right for the baby, it is a very personal and distinct experience for each mother that must reflect her own truth and health. There is no place for guilt in this conversation. Thank you for sharing your own story in such an honest and eloquent way.
8 months is fabulous, I can’t believe you made it that long pumping. You are a great mom.
This was a great post. I did love breastfeeding and can’t wait to do it when these babies are born. But I am one of those moms who believe every person is different and you have to do what’s right for you. There is no right answer for anyone and no one should feel pressure to be a certain way.
I truly loved this article your last few paragraphs really hit home for me. Thanks.
Wow. Just wow. Pumping exclusively for 6 months is such a big achievement! This post really resonated with me and such perfect timing for me too. I’m starting to think about weaning after 8 months of breastfeeding because I’ve had to restrict my diet a lot because my little girl has food allergies. I’ve done 2.5 months of no milk products, no eggs & no nuts and I’m starting to really resent it. So I think weaning is the most fair option for both of us – her health & my sanity. I’m a bit sad that I won’t be breastfeeding her anymore but at the same time a bit excited to have my body back to myself. In the end you can only do what works for you & know you’re making the right decision for your circumstances. Glad to hear you’re coping we’ll with your decision.
I love this post. It is so honest and emotional and I just want to come over and shower with you with chocolate and wine. I have a 2 month old little dude and think about quitting breastfeeding/pumping every day. I think most women are under prepared for the commitment that breastfeeding (or pumping) requires. And of course everyone wants to do the “right” thing… which we all need to realize is different for everyone.
I’m not sure if you even have time to read all of these comments, but I’m with you! I had twins a little early (I was 33 1/2 weeks). They were in the hospital for 2 weeks, so they never really got the hang of latching. So I pumped. And pumped. And pumped. They are almost 9 months old now, and I am in the process of weaning. SO many people have said, “Oh, did your milk dry up?” Nope. It didn’t. I just don’t want to do it anymore. And I feel guilty, because holy cow (heh), I can make milk for 2 babies! I know that’s crazy awesome and so many moms have trouble producing enough milk for one baby. And yet, I don’t want to do it anymore. It took so much time, and I was always uncomfortable and my husband couldn’t touch me and I’ve lost a ton of weight (I’m 5’7″ and now 105 lbs.) and I just don’t like it. So I’m choosing to stop. They got milk exclusively for 8 1/2 months and will get half milk/half formula until they are 9 months old. And that’s awesome. But I still feel a little guilty. THANK YOU for writing this!
Hi from Durham!
I just found your blog by Google through this post. My little one is at 11.5 months now, and down to 4 really LOOONG pumping sessions a day. I too am struggling with the emotional issues surrounding weaning to formula. I was under the assumption that we could just switch to whole milk at 1 year (ahh…so many assumptions that have gone out the window), but now I know that because of his issues with eating solid foods it’s going to have to be infant and/or toddler formula.
Can you say (or do a followup post) more about how he handled the transition? How does he (and you) feel about formula now?
Thank you so much for this post. I am weaning from the pump after 6 1/2 months and I have had a roller coaster of emotions about it. It’s really nice to read about your experience and feelings and know I’m not alone in this. It’s been quite a journey- one I’m proud of and one I can’t wait to be over. Wishing you all gne best.
oh man that part of it is amazing, too! i could never get past how much milk i could create and the fact that it was ALL he needed to eat. amazing.
Haha that is a seriously genius idea!
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