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You know, I thought my bump wasn’t growing… but it appears that it is, in fact, expanding.

IMG_6173 23 weeks

Happy 23 Weeks, BabyHTP!  Here’s what the baby is up to this week:  “Your baby is practicing her "breathing" on the amniotic fluid—sucking it in and out of her lungs.  Fat production is in overdrive at this point… Your baby will basically double in weight over the next four weeks! Her body is looking more proportional now and her facial features are fully formed.  Your baby is about 11½ inches long and weighs 1 pound, or about the length and weight of a Harry Potter book.” (Source)

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It’s strange because I can tell the baby likes to keep his/her head on my left side and the feet on my right.  I hardly ever feel kicks or bumps on the left.  When I wake up in the morning, the left side of my stomach is always really hard – I think it’s the baby’s back or butt. 

 

Today, we had an appointment with a midwife.  The OB/GYN practice that I go to has ‘regular’ doctors and six midwives. If your pregnancy is low-risk, one of the midwives will deliver your baby. This appeals to the Husband and I because we are focused on having a low-intervention birth (if possible), and the midwife mentality gels with our philosophy.  This practice really seems to be the best of both worlds – we have access to midwife care with back-up OB/GYN support.  I’m really glad that I went with my gut and transferred practices during the first trimester.  Definitely worth the hassle.

 

So – this week, let’s talk about STRESS

 

I feel like I have to preface the next few paragraphs with the statement that I’m obviously very, very happy to be pregnant.  And I’m extremely grateful to be carrying a healthy baby. 

 

But you know what?  Pregnancy is super scary.  And emotionally and physically hard.  This past week, I had my first few “OMG, what are we doing? What have we gotten ourselves into?” freak outs.  I cried for no good reason (unless raging hormones are a good reason).  I longed to drink a glass of wine. I read other bloggers’ race recaps, and I longed to go on a hard run. I longed to have my body be mine.  I did an updated budget and longed to have more money to spend on frivolous things.  And my emotions would swing wildly back in the other direction, and I’d be left wondering, “Am I going to be a crap mom?”  I didn’t feel like I should tell anyone in my real life – even the Husband or my mom – what I was feeling because I was 100% sure they would judge me.  Just for having such thoughts, I felt selfish and mean… and I also felt really guilty.

 

Mommy Guilt is an interesting thing.  It doesn’t start when you have a baby in your arms.  It starts way before that.  When I realized what I was feeling was Mommy Guilt, I really wanted to talk about it on the blog.  Especially since we were trying to get pregnant, I think I expect myself to be totally and completely fine with giving up my old life.  While I am excited about the change most of the time, it would be crazy if I didn’t occasionally have doubts or worries… It doesn’t  make me a bad mommy.  It makes me human.

 

So, here’s a few things that I’ve been doing to even out my Mommy Guilt emotions:

 

  • Stop Overloading:  I’m a self-confessed workaholic, but I’ve realized that I need to start saying no to more things.  When I say no to small projects, I have more time and feel less stressed out… and then I suffer from less Mommy Guilt as a result.  It’s easy to keep everything in perspective when I’m not going a million miles a minute.

 

  • Eating Right:  I eat pretty well 90% of the time, but there’s definitely been more than a few recent dinners that I just ate French fries or a bowl of cereal.  I’ve noticed that I feel so much better – physically and emotionally – when I eat real, balanced meals.

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  • Talk About It:  I started to talk to a few people in my life about my Mommy Guilt thoughts and I was a little surprised – but not really that surprised – that the way I was feeling is super common.  One of my best friends is also pregnant right now, and it was so nice hear her say that she sometimes has “OMG, What the heck am I doing?” moments, too.  No one has judged me. 

 

  • Make Fun Plans:  I’ve been making more pre-baby plans to do fun things (as simple as hanging out with friends or organizing a babymoon for the Husband and I).  I’ve also been making some post-baby plans.  I don’t really know what life is going to be like, but I do know what I would like it to be like.  For example, my best friend and I have talked about a group beach trip the spring or summer after the kids are born.  And I’ve pinpointed some races that I’d like to train for post-baby. 

 

All in all, I’m feeling much better than I was at the beginning of the week.  I feel calmer, more focused, and relaxed.  I’m sure the Mommy Guilt never stops, but I imagine that acknowledging it and dealing with it proactively are the first steps to keeping it from taking over your entire existence!

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Here are my Babble posts from this week:

Your guide to those exciting nine months

 

Here’s Week 23, neatly summarized:

 

  • Total Weight Gain: Official weigh-in at the doctor’s office says 16 pounds.

  • Workouts:  Four workouts, although they were kind of meh overall.  Prenatal yoga, 3-mile walk, 2.5-mile walk, and 20 minutes on the elliptical.

  • Baby Items Purchased: We put an offer in on a house!  Does that count?

  • Public Acknowledgements:  A patient at the clinic asked me if I was pregnant.  Public acknowledgements on my pregnancy by strangers are still few and far between, and it was nice!

  • Energy Levels: SKY HIGH!  I have been sleeping so well.  It’s amazing.

 

What’s your Mommy Guilt remedy?

{ 103 comments }

 

Leave a Comment

  • Liz @ Tip Top Shape February 15, 2012, 3:35 pm

    I love how Harry Potter books are used to describe the weight and length of a baby. Too funny!

    Reply
  • Kathryn February 15, 2012, 3:37 pm

    Can’t wait to hear more about the possible move! Keep us posted

    Reply
  • Ali February 15, 2012, 3:40 pm

    Yay! Babymoons are the BEST! With our first we went on like 3 haha…we live in California so we went to Pebble Beach which is in Carmel (Northern California) we went to Mexico (we had a free trip) and we went to San Francisco. With this pregnancy we have been doing a lot of little weekend trips with purchases we made on groupon. They aren’t NEARLY as relaxing for obvious reasons (we bring our 2 year old) but they are still super fun, memorable and necessary. We went to Disneyland, Las Vegas and my hometown of Half Moon Bay. Take as many as you can!!! xoxo

    Reply
  • Brittnie (A Joy Renewed) February 15, 2012, 3:45 pm

    I have struggled with this some during my pregnancy. Part of me thinks “I HAVE NO ROOM TO COMPLAIN about anything during pregnancy! We did IVF to get pregnant for crying out loud so I need to suck it up and just be thankful for this blessing.” Now – this is true for the most part, yet I have learned that some days are just no fun and that is OK. Having a bad pregnancy day doesn’t mean I am not praising God every second for the blessing in my tummy. Ya know what I mean?

    Great post! And yes I totally think a house offer counts!

    Reply
    • Laine February 15, 2012, 3:55 pm

      You are totally allowed to complain no matter what you went through to get there! Don’t ever let anyone make you feel differently. People can’t walk around being happy and grateful every second of their lives. Feel your feelings!! (and screw the people who are like “you should just be grateful that you are achy/puking/sleep deprived/insane because at least you are pregnant/have a baby/not living in a village in Somalia.”

      Reply
    • Jess February 15, 2012, 4:24 pm

      GREAT POST! I can completely relate to all of these sentiments! We went through a long infertility journey and are now blessed to be almost 10 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy itself is a true miracle in that we were told from the beginning it most likely wasn’t going to be viable (our odds were less than 5%). And yet, I still worry about the health of the baby all the time, worry about the future, worry about this major life transition that is going to take place, etc. When I start to get worked up about these things I have to take a step back and look at the big picture, trust in HIS plan, and thank God for where we are.

      Reply
  • Rosa - Fitness Food Fulfilled February 15, 2012, 3:47 pm

    I can sooo relate to this post! In the last week, I’ve been really freaking out about the baby (especially when I started reading Baby 411, is it supposed to be that scary!). Any time someone says my due date is right around the corner (it’s May 31), I want to deny it because I don’t feel prepared. And I do feel guilty when I think about the things I still want to do after the baby is born, like train for races and go away with my husband every once in a while. I also don’t want to be one of those mommies that loses themselves completely when they take on motherhood. Yeah, the kids are critical to my life and will require me to make many sacrifices, but it doesn’t mean I want to sacrifice who I am as a person either.

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 15, 2012, 8:29 pm

      Don’t read scary pregnancy books – not necessary!!

      Reply
  • Katie @ Peace Love & Oats February 15, 2012, 3:48 pm

    That’s so exciting about the house! And I’m not a mom, but I think people have this idea that they are going to be self-sacrificing and perfect mothers, but moms are people too! They can focus on themselves and be selfish! No need for mommy guilt, you are an amazing woman who already gives so much!

    Reply
  • Annette @ EnjoyYourHealthyLife February 15, 2012, 3:50 pm

    YAH for putting in an offer on a house! SO cool.

    And YES, it is normal to be human and have worries–even about something you’ve been wanting. SO so normal! Thanks for sharing (it makes us all feel less crazied)

    Reply
  • Allison February 15, 2012, 3:51 pm

    Your comment about “wanting your body to be mine” hits home with me. I have been pregnant/nursing for 18 months. I am dying to have my body back and often feel guilty about it. When you find the cure for Mommy guilt – let me know!

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 15, 2012, 8:29 pm

      I’ll bottle it up and send you a special package :)

      Reply
  • Kris February 15, 2012, 3:52 pm

    Hi Caitlin,

    I’m a reader from Ireland, and I’d just like to say that you have really inspired me (I’ve never been sporty) and tonight I went for my first run ever (short stints at the gym don’t really count) – I ran for 4K and it felt awesome, I was surprised at how well I was doing and only took two short walking breaks. I’ve been reading your blog for over a year now and just want to thank you for being so motivational, at everything you do :)

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 15, 2012, 8:30 pm

      Thank you so much for such a sweet comment! You did so great :) Keep it up!

      Reply
  • Amy February 15, 2012, 3:56 pm

    Offer on a house!? I hope you share the deets! =) Congrats!

    Reply
  • Angela @ Eat Spin Run Repeat February 15, 2012, 3:57 pm

    As Alison said above, the comment about wanting my body to be mine is one that resonated with me too. Pregnancy is definitely not something that I plan to do in the very near future, but one of my biggest fears is not having control over what’s happening to it. My other biggest fear: Morning sickness. I hate puking!!
    On a more positive note, I think you’re one of the cutest pregnant ladies ever! :)

    Reply
  • Cori February 15, 2012, 4:00 pm

    My mommy guilt remedy? Recognizing that I am still a person outside of my twins. I used to struggle with it a lot, but nowadays I know that I am a better mom when I do things for myself too. Thoughts won’t hurt your baby – it’s ok to miss the things you used to do (I truly truly miss sleep) but once you are no longer pregnant – it’s important to honour yourself for the woman you have always been. Mom becomes your name, but it doesn’t negate your right to live a life that is true to who you are.

    Reply
  • D February 15, 2012, 4:03 pm

    Pregnancy is scary! I just got a BFP and I’m so thrilled, but also scared. My current stress is over whether or not “I’m really pregnant”, since our 1st prenatal appt isn’t for another 2 weeks. It’s still super early (5 weeks), but I don’t have very many symptoms beside breast tenderness, so it’s so hard for me to believe!

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 15, 2012, 8:31 pm

      Congrats on your BFP :) You are really pregnant!

      Reply
      • D February 16, 2012, 9:55 am

        haha, thanks :)

        Reply
  • Lisa Stookey February 15, 2012, 4:05 pm

    Girl … get all the sleep you can – it will be GONE in the 3rd trimester!

    So happy for you guys.

    xoxo

    Reply
  • Sara February 15, 2012, 4:07 pm

    Lqtm. I was waiting for this post. It does start in the womb, and Mommy guilt can be very overwhelming. My son is nine and it has not eased up at all, but I have learned to ease up on me. I tell my friends all the time that we all have these thoughts, but we are also all afraid to say them aloud. Just the other day my husband and I were downtown picking up race packets, and had a moment where I thought about how different our life would be without our son. It was a moment of wishing for difference. But it was instantly replaced with all the love and joy our son provides.

    I know without a doubt I would not be the woman I am today if it were not for my son. And remembering to breathe is very important.

    You are already a fantastic mom!

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 15, 2012, 8:31 pm

      Thank you sweetie.

      Reply
  • Rachel @ Mommygetsmoving February 15, 2012, 4:08 pm

    I think the fact that you have mom guilt means you will be a good mom. My mom guilt started when I was pregnant and five years later it’s still going strong.

    You do the best you can & enjoy it as much as you can because they grow so quick.

    Reply
  • Andrea February 15, 2012, 4:10 pm

    I just finished my maternity/OB portion of nursing school and I had a few ‘wish I had known that before’ moments when looking back on my own pregnancy. This stage when the pregnant person starts to question the change, loss, or scariness that having a child brings about actually has a nursing diagnosis of ‘Ambivalence’…and guess what- it is a completely normal phase regardless of whether the pregnancy was wanted and planned or not. The other thing that I thought was interesting was that there are 3 normal phases the new Mom may go through after delivery. The first which lasts about 24 hours is called ‘Taking In’ and in this phase it is common for the Mom to focus much of her attention on herself. She might want to tell her birthing story to everyone and focus on eating, sleeping, and showering more than the newborn. It is a completely NORMAL response and is only a concern when it lasts longer than this but is considered a response to the largely fluctuating hormones and the extreme fatigue caused by labor. I cannot express how guilty I felt that I didn’t cry when my first child was born. I felt like an awful mother from the start but looking back the experience was somewhat surreal and it took me a little bit to ground myself and take in everything that had happened and really bond with my son. They say it can be even harder if the labor was difficult or did not go as planned or if the baby looks different then the Mother’s fantasy image of her child. If for nine months you pictured a baby with dark eyes and blond hair and out come a newborn with blue eyes and black curly hair they say it takes a moment to take it all in as the phase indicates. I find it interesting but also reassuring to some Mom’s that may question the absent feelings after delivery. By about 24 hrs. the ‘taking hold’ phase begins and the mother begins to desire control over the situation by trying to learn, master, and experience everything from feeding, diapering, and all other types of baby care. It may be during this phase that the bonding really takes place for the Mom. Such as interesting and amazing process! I hope you have a wonderful rest of your pregnancy!

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 15, 2012, 8:32 pm

      This was VERY interesting and makes me feel much more normal. :) Thanks!

      Reply
  • sara February 15, 2012, 4:10 pm

    thank you for being so real. It is SO refreshing to read this blog and I am thankful that i found it..also-I love how you preface your morning post with a nature shot :) beautiful

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 15, 2012, 8:32 pm

      thank you sara!

      Reply
  • Stellina @ My Yogurt Addiction February 15, 2012, 4:15 pm

    I am not pregnant and never have been, but I can only imagine how stressful it can be! I mean you literally have another LIFE growing inside of you! I think that as long as you do the best that you can and treat your body in a non-abusive way everything should work out just fine! Also, what meant to be will happen, it’s cliche, but it’s true!

    Reply
  • Sarah February 15, 2012, 4:21 pm

    Yay a HOUSE! I hope things go better this time around now that you are more familiar with the process :)

    Reply
  • Amber @ Busy, Bold, Blessed February 15, 2012, 4:21 pm

    Offer on a house?! Aw snap!

    Reply
  • Katie February 15, 2012, 4:24 pm

    I think you may be psychic because this post was exactly what I needed to read. I am only 6 weeks pregnant, but have been spending a significant amount of time freaking out. This pregnancy was unplanned and while we are totally stoked, we are also tremendously stressed out. I worry about getting the “right” baby gear, looking for the “right” daycare option (hell, I feel guilty about the fact that I will be going back to work), etc. Thank you so much. I feel a trillion times more relaxed right now. It will all be fine.

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 15, 2012, 8:33 pm

      Read Panic Free Pregnancy!

      Congrats :)

      Reply
  • Shari February 15, 2012, 4:24 pm

    Good luck with the house!!

    Reply
  • Sarah February 15, 2012, 4:29 pm

    I used to have massive freak outs during pregnancy about how I’d cope. Mostly based on the fact we have no family in the country so no back up support. But you just take each day as it comes and you do get there.
    I still have freak outs (like last night about 6pm) and my boys are 2 and nearly 4!!! There is always the ‘next thing’ on the list that you think you’ll never get through.

    p.s. just wanted to say that you’ve partly inspired me with health and fitness. I’m a pretty healthy eater and train for a 14km fun run every year (hey I’m a kiwi – its in our blood)…but lately I’ve stepped it up a bit. I’m doing the 12 week body challenge http://www.12wbt.com and it is all kinds of awesome. They even have a pregnant & breastfeeding program! One of my goals is to try a triathlon! eek!

    Reply
    • Sarah February 15, 2012, 4:30 pm

      pps Can I just add that if you worry during pregnancy then try not to worry that you are worrying!!! I ended up feeling guilty that I was worrying too much!!!! Argh. Such a vicious ‘mummy-cycle’

      Reply
    • Caitlin February 15, 2012, 8:34 pm

      Awesome challenge!!!! I think you are going to do great :)

      Reply
  • Ali February 15, 2012, 4:41 pm

    Definitely talking about it helps. And remembering you can only do the best you can do in things, and then it is ok to let them go. I also try to remember to ‘trust the process’.

    Babymoons rock! We went on a couple close to home/inexpensive ones. Also went coast to coast by the time my daughter was 8 weeks so post pregnancy is an option too. :)

    I also have to tell you – it is truly an amazing and elating feeling when you realize what you just did! You are in for an incredible feeling of happiness and peace and glee. One that is incomparable. Even to any race. :)

    Reply
  • Rebecca February 15, 2012, 4:47 pm

    Yay house offer!

    I’d never heard of a babymoon until I read this post. I was like, “Is it like a baby shower?” Haha. :)

    Reply
  • Katie February 15, 2012, 4:51 pm

    I can totally relate – I am 24 weeks and in the past few weeks have really started to miss my hard-core kickboxing workouts and long runs, and sleeping through the night. I had a miscarriage prior to this pregnancy and claimed I would never complain about pregnancy if/when I got pregnant again, and though I am SO thankful for this wiggly baby in my belly I’ve learned it’s okay to have a rough day. It’s hard work being pregnant!

    Reply
  • Jenn February 15, 2012, 4:58 pm

    This is an interesting post. I just had my first baby a week and half ago, and would say I am suffering baby blues somewhat. I didn’t really think about the changes post delivery, but it’s crazy. The baby changes your life in an instant majorly- the first nights home were terrible, crazy fussy spells for hours and no hospital staff to take over:-) crying spells ensued by me and I’ve even had negative thoughts about the baby. I guess the biggest part is getting cabin fever, because babies can’t be exposed to crowds for quite a while and if you’re a “get up and go” person like myself this is extremely difficult. I have a wonderful husband but he has to work too- when it all comes down to it, the mother (ESP if breastfeeding) Is solely responsible for that infant. Our baby is precious, but I was also a worrier during pregnancy- it’s just crazy what horomones can do :-)

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 15, 2012, 8:34 pm

      Hormones blow. I hope you feel better soon! Congrats on your new bebe.

      Reply
  • Julie February 15, 2012, 5:12 pm

    Good luck with the house stuff!!! & you are an adorable preggo :)

    Reply
  • Megan February 15, 2012, 5:14 pm

    So glad you posted this! I’m 8 wks. pregnant and so excited but can’t help but have some of the same freak out moments. Like you, I miss hard workouts, good beer (not a wine girl but I love a good beer!), and feeling like “me” but then feel bad for feeling that way because I am so so so grateful to be pregnant. I also have panic moments of holy cow we’re going to have a BABY can we do this?! I think it’s tough because it’s still so early that I don’t feel like it’s real (oh except for the waves of nausea that started this week!) yet since my 1st dr. appt is not until next week, and we are waiting to tell most people so only 2 close friends and my sister know so I can’t quite talk about it yet. Reading your post and leaving this comment helped though and I look forward to reading other comments on the post.
    Continued health and happiness for the rest of your pregnancy, I’m enjoying reading along!

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 15, 2012, 8:35 pm

      Thank you, and you too!

      Reply
  • kristen @ livinlifeinlouie February 15, 2012, 5:29 pm

    you loook great! and good luck w/ the house!

    Reply
  • Alexa @ Simple Eats February 15, 2012, 5:31 pm

    I completely agree with you about eating when you’re stressed. I tend to go with anything that’s quick, but that usually tends to be something unhealthy. Being prepared with healthy foods always makes me feel better!

    Reply
  • Rebecca February 15, 2012, 5:32 pm

    Wishing you the best of luck with your offer!

    Reply
  • Sarah@WilliamsburgBaby February 15, 2012, 6:01 pm

    I hear you. I was feeling really resentful a few weeks back about skiing. I love to ski, but since I haven’t done it in a year, I feel like 15 weeks pregnant is not the time to try to get my ski legs back. Whether it can be done or not is besides the point, it just feels like it will be years and years before a ski trip makes financial, logistical sense. I’m also someone who really values my alone time, and am sort of terrified at the thought of giving that up. But I think that’s in part because the baby is still an abstraction and not yet someone I have a full on relationship with. Although you can bond with your unborn child, it still feels like making sacrifices for a stranger, and I hope that after he or she is born it will feel much more organic.

    Reply
  • Jen February 15, 2012, 6:02 pm

    Total mommy guilt over here, I know it’s normal but it harder when you don’t have a mommy friend to chat it out with. I’m overly grateful to be pregnant and be doing so well, so when I have my mommy moments I try to think of that!

    Best wishes on the house!

    Reply
  • Kate February 15, 2012, 6:05 pm

    I posted a video on my blog a couple of weeks ago that helps me. It’s basically a bunch of moms saying “it’s okay.” But honestly, sometimes a good, irrational cry is the only thing that gets the job done. :)

    Reply
  • Natalie February 15, 2012, 6:11 pm

    Congrats on the house offer!!! Good luck! I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant with our first and we are seriously considering putting our house on the market and upgrading.

    Reply
  • Diana @ frontyardfoodie February 15, 2012, 6:23 pm

    Mama guilt probably doesn’t ever stop but it definitely mellows as time goes on. My son is almost 1 1/2 and I’m preg with our second son. I definitely don’t enjoy pregnancy…it’s hard! But now I don’t feel guilt about that. I know that my body is doing an amazing thing and it’s SO worth it but I don’t have to feel guilty for not like all the symptoms that happen along the way.

    Sure, I want wine sometimes, sure I wish my hips didn’t hurt when I get up in the morning but knowing what happens at the end of pregnancy is what gets me through.

    Reply
  • Laura February 15, 2012, 6:23 pm

    You are preparing for motherhood in such an exemplary way – thank you for sharing all of your research and impressions! I just read a fantastic article about French parenting. Your point about guilt reminded me of it since it says the French suffer much less guilt than American parents do. Probably for this reason, a study showed that they enjoy spending time with their kids twice as much as American parents do. There is some great food for thought to be found in this article (plus there is a video):

    http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204740904577196931457473816.html

    Same topic with more focus on the mommy guilt part:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-ollivier/bringing-up-bebe_b_1224589.html

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 15, 2012, 8:36 pm

      WOAH. That was very interesting! Thanks for passing that long.

      Reply
      • Lise February 16, 2012, 10:44 am

        Congrats on the house offer !!

        Though I’ve been reading you blog for a long time, I never commented but as a French woman these articles had me laughing. Believe me, French parents are not perfect they do yell, spank their child, leave their infant crying in the crib because he/she is being “capricious” (rolling my eyes in despair), I could go on and on. If you read the comments on both articles, you may find a more accurate view of French parenting.

        Reply
  • Marci February 15, 2012, 6:24 pm

    I’m 36 weeks tomorrow and still have “I have no idea what we’re doing” and “our lives are never going to be our own again!” moments. Just keep reading and talking to people, and that’s all we can do!

    Reply
  • Michelle February 15, 2012, 6:27 pm

    The mommy guilt never goes away! HAHA!!! Just take things one day a time. It’ll be a while before your body will be completely yours again :) but I promise you it’ll be worth it. When you hold that baby in your arms EVERYTHING is going to change. You’re going to feel a love like no other!! I recommend you enjoy as much one on one time with your husband. It’ll be a while before you can have that again, especially when nursing a baby. But like I said…. it’ll all be worth it. You’ll have a new normal :)

    Reply
  • Gretchen @ Honey, I Shrunk the Gretchen! February 15, 2012, 6:43 pm

    I think my stress level would highly depend on WHICH Harry Potter book my baby is supposed to weigh as much as. There’s a big difference between an average 23-week baby that’s the weight of a 300-page Sorcerer’s Stone and a giant mutant fetus that weighs as much as a 870-page Order of the Phoenix, hahaha.

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 15, 2012, 8:36 pm

      This comment made me LOL literally.

      Reply
  • Tanya February 15, 2012, 6:43 pm

    Good for you for talking about your guilt. I think talking to other parents is the best thing because it really does make you realize that you are in fact normal in your ‘craziness’. The same goes for talking about your kids. I don’t know how many times my husband has been worried about whether something about one of our kids was normal and I could tell him that X number of our friends’ kids had done or were doing the exact same thing.
    And good luck with the house.

    Reply
  • Amy February 15, 2012, 7:15 pm

    No mommy guilt for me–no kids and none planned for the near future–so I can’t help you there. Just wanted to comment to ask if people have been saying you look like you’re going to have a girl? Because you do. Really. That’s my official guess, and I’m sticking with it;)

    PS Congrats on putting an offer in on a house. Good luck!!!

    Reply
  • Kim February 15, 2012, 7:52 pm

    Love the shirt! Where did you get it? Sounds like your doing great :)

    Reply
    • CaitlinHTP February 15, 2012, 9:59 pm

      Angela from Oh She Glows gave it to me :)

      Reply
  • Lauren @ Sweet and Twisted February 15, 2012, 8:33 pm

    I can’t believe more people in public don’t comment on your pregnancy! I’m not the type to say something to strangers about their personal life but some people are and you’re definitely looking pregnant! (In a good way!)

    Good luck on the offer! Very stressful process!

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 15, 2012, 8:37 pm

      Haha I think I still look ambiguous to some people!

      Reply
  • Heather February 15, 2012, 8:54 pm

    exciting! I hope you get the house!

    Reply
  • Nicole M. February 15, 2012, 9:02 pm

    Oh, Mommy Guilt… I remember my first big freak-out during pregnancy. I was the member of an online mommy forum with other girls who were due the same month as me… and I just was constantly comparing myself. *Oh, they have their nursery done already and I only have a few outfits! They’ve got the “glow” and I have seven pimples…* I’ve slowly stopped reading forums like that. In fact, I stopped subscribing to parenting magazines ( I do read Kiwi though, and love it) and stopped reading so many baby blogs. I’m smart enough to make my own decisions about how to raise my daughter and I’m smart enough to seek help from the right sources when I don’t. I think you’re very smart also, Caitlin, and your beliefs, instincts, and smarts will get you a long, long way. It’s a process, but don’t ever underestimate yourself and your role as YOUR baby’s mother. You’ll have a great support team for when you need it but you’ll be surprised how well you know what you’re doing.

    Reply
  • JenRD February 15, 2012, 9:25 pm

    Great post, thank you for sharing this! I think that, much like the baby blues, most women are afraid to talk about mom guilt, afraid to be judged. It is nice to know I am not alone with the mom guilt, between reading your post and all of the responses! For me, I knew I was committed to breast feeding, but I was somehow not prepared for how much it made me literally feel like I was chained to my daughter, and not in a good way, to the point I became resentful that my husband could go out and have some time to himself, but I couldn’t leave for more than an hour at a time, especially in the beginning. I somehow felt that having my husband give her a bottle of expressed breast milk meant I was a failure as a mom! Don’t know why I thought that, and it took me a while to realize how silly I was being. Pumping and letting my husband do some feedings was a win-win for both of us! He got to bond with the baby, and I got to go to and have some time to myself (even if it was just to run to Target to stock up on diapers, lol!).

    p.s. I just signed up today for my first 10K race, which I will run as a GOTR SoleMate! I have never run that far and I am scared and excited!

    Jen

    Reply
    • CaitlinHTP February 15, 2012, 9:29 pm

      You are going to do awesome and thank you sooo much for supporting GOTR.

      Reply
  • Janelle February 15, 2012, 9:44 pm

    I wish I could tell you that Mommy Guilt goes away…but hey, at least your ability to drink wine comes back. It helps, I promise… :)

    Reply
  • Sonia the mexigarian February 15, 2012, 10:02 pm

    I am no a mom nor plan o be anytime soon, and i already fear losing myself, my ifentit, time, space, to the future baby. I am selfish, i know, but…. I just dunno. It’s scary as heck to me and i am not even pregnant! I think you are handling it well though. Good luck with the offer! I know how stressful it is. Crossing my fingers for you :)

    Reply
  • JenATX February 15, 2012, 10:14 pm

    I think Mommy guilt should be talked about with more frequency. I put so many high expectations on myself, and I know these expectations are intimately tied into what I think society thinks of me as a mother (well, future mother. I have no plans of having a baby anytime soon). If we all talked about our doubts and insecurities about our abilities/feeling/anxieties, it wouldn’t seem like such a bad thing to have these feelings, thus making us feel less guilty. Motherhood is an amazing thing, but we can’t put it on such a pedestal that makes us strive for unachievable goals & then makes us guilty if we can’t/don’t have the energy to achieve those goals.

    Thanks for shedding light on something that i think should be treated with open honesty!

    Reply
  • Rebecca February 15, 2012, 10:18 pm

    It’s interesting you say that the public acknowledgement of your pregnancy was welcomed… I was always taught (and abide by the rule) to never ask a woman if she’s pregnant, even if it’s incredibly obvious (belly button sticking out, etc)…. because sometimes they aren’t, and then it gets awkward. I didn’t know pregnant women wanted the acknowledgement! Such a catch-22!

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 16, 2012, 8:51 am

      I think some do and some don’t!

      Reply
  • Rebecca. February 15, 2012, 10:21 pm

    oops for some reason my auto correct added my last name, I only wanted to leave my first… can you edit or delete that comment?

    Reply
  • Carrie February 16, 2012, 12:01 am

    I definitely can relate to your mommy guilt, as I’m sure most mothers or mothers to be can. After my daughter was born and we got past the exciting first few days (new baby, visitor, etc.) I realized what a huge change it was. My daughter cried non stop and I was sleep deprived with tons of raging hormones. I remember crying and missing my “old life” so much. I would basically fantasize about it.. Sleeping in, no responsibilities… Just being alone. I have always been independent and missed it.. I realized how huge the change was. Then there was the guilt. I felt terrible for having those thoughts. The first twoonths were hard, but I wish I could go back and relive them. It all went away after not long. You forget your old life and really don’t want to remember. It gets better by the day! Motherhood is the most amazing and wonderful feeling ever!!! :)

    Reply
  • Marissa C February 16, 2012, 12:04 am

    Offer on a house?! When do we get the details??

    We are thinking about buying too!

    Reply
  • Laura @ She Eats Well February 16, 2012, 2:46 am

    I am no where near ready to have a child, but I really admire this post. I think Mommy Guilt is something that my mom, who is 58 years old, still struggles with to this day! Also, I think that all the tips you listed are applicable to life in general. Learning to say no more often, eating better to feel better- all good, general ways to live a positive and healthy life. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  • Amy @loveAmyx February 16, 2012, 4:00 am

    Please buy yourself ‘bringing up bebe’ by Pamela Druckerman, the only parenting book I have bothered with. It is auch more relaxed {and imo realistic} view and describes a tweaked life rather than having to adopt a life focused solely around baby. Life will be different but you don’t have to leave the old life behind. Just like life now is different to college/university but you haven’t had to leave everything behind.

    Amy x

    ps I’m one of four children, the youngest is 19 – my parents still have moments of ‘what the heck are we doing’

    pps a few blogs that inspire me for my ‘future life’

    A Cup of Jo
    The Daybook
    Making it Lovely
    Daily Garnish

    Reply
  • Olivia February 16, 2012, 8:08 am

    I had a dream about you last night, Caitlin! I know that sounds a little crazy since I don’t actually know you or anything (although I’m in my 32nd week of pregnancy and crazy dreams are kind of the norm right now), but it was equal parts strange and hilarious so I have to tell you about it.

    In my dream, you and Kristien were going to a Who-Done-It-style dinner theatre … on a yacht! When you arrived on board, you were both given cards outlining the roles you were to play in the game but you couldn’t tell your partner what was written on your card. Things got intersting when it came out that you were the killer and Kristien was the victim (with a knife, in the galley) but don’t worry — it was all pretend! The real kicker was that after you took care of business, you snuck off to the on-board nursery to get a peek at the baby (??) and slyly find out it’s gender behind Kristien’s back! …And then I woke up to pee for the 4th time. THE END!

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 16, 2012, 8:51 am

      HAHAHAH awesome. was it a boy or a girl???

      Reply
      • Olivia February 16, 2012, 9:30 am

        It was a boy! … though that could have simply been becuase I’M having a boy. :)

        Reply
  • Katy @ HaveYouHurd February 16, 2012, 8:40 am

    Thank you for your honesty! My favorite part about reading blogs is when people express true emotions. When they don’t sugar coat life. I’m sure you just made a lot of pregnant women out there with the same fears feel a LOT better about their feelings.

    I’m not even pregnant (we’re trying) and you made me feel better. I feel like sometimes I have Mommy Guilt and I’m not even a Mommy yet!

    That’s great you have another pregnant fried to talk to. Since most of my friends are not even single yet (actually half of them aren’t even in serious relationships), not having someone to relate to if/when I get pregnant is one of my biggest fears.

    Thanks for the truth and keep your head up, you’re doing AWESOME!

    Reply
  • lindsey February 16, 2012, 8:44 am

    i’m not going to answer your question about mommy guily because i’m not due until june 5th, but i just wanted to say how excited i get to read your pregnancy posts. also, you look really happy and beautiful…the naked face project is treating you well :) i’m curious though, have you had any public acknowledgement of “you look different”? does your hubby like this project? i know mine always insists he likes me better without makeup.(what made me think of asking you this is that there’s a really rude girl at my work who insists on saying “you look so exhausted” and similar things to people in the morning – and i’m not implying you look tired, i’m just curious about reactions you’ve had).

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 16, 2012, 8:53 am

      Yes I have gotten a lot of “how is your husband coping?” like he would want to vomit at the sight of my unshaved legs and pits. It’s rude and sexiest! He says he doesn’t notice whether I am wearing makeup or not.

      Reply
  • Sarah February 16, 2012, 8:45 am

    Such a great list! I love how pregnancy allows us to prep for motherhood. It sounds like you’re doing great with that preparation already.
    Oh, and you are one gorgeous mama!

    Reply
  • Janelle February 16, 2012, 9:23 am

    Oh Caitlin, good post. I just have human guilt in general because I try to do too much and say yes to too much. All about balance. Your plan will get you there!

    Reply
  • Angie All The Way February 16, 2012, 9:30 am

    Totally 100% completely normal and thank you for sharing it! As women, I feel that we are in a unique position in life. We have the ability to be successful scholars, career women, athletes and to birth a human being! Even though you know it’s true now how lucky you/we are, it becomes solidified inside later when the knowledge takes on a life of its own inside your heart ;-)

    As amazing as each and every single one of those things are individually, it’s a lot of pressure and we need to give ourselves (and each other) a break. There are things that you are very capable of doing (or once did) that are inevitably not always realistic at all stages in your life. There are indeed many things that we technically do “give up” during these stages, if we choose to look at it that way, but I can say this, as time goes on, it becomes abundantly clear that when the dust settles and as you become more comfortable in your role as Mommy, you will be 100% fulfilled regardless of what aspects of your life change (i.e. not as much available time to do x,y,z). For instance, I find myself now happier investing the extra time with my son rather than planning activities that don’t involve him, when at one time I might have thought I’d be “giving up” my freedom to just fly by the seat of my pants and run to the gym whenever it suited me best. It becomes a part of you that is natural and more satisfying than before s/he came into your life :-)

    P.S. Keeping fingers crossed on the house!

    Reply
  • Liz February 16, 2012, 10:12 am

    My oldest is 11 and I can tell you that mommy guilt never ends. Just last night, my youngest one brought crayons to me and asked to color. I said “no” because I was cleaning the kitchen. I got so mad at myself! I stopped and we colored. I try hard to “live in the moment”. I know it’s cliche, but it so true and I have to remind myself every day. That helps with the mommy guilt. Someone mentioned having an identity outside of mom. I couldn’t agree more. Talking about it is so important too, and I’m so glad to see you are doing it. I wish it wouldn’t have taken me so long to do it.

    I felt exactly the same way about wanting my body back to myself. It took years and two kids for me to admit that I never liked the pregnancy part of motherhood. Especially when someone very dear to me was never able to get pregnant. I still envy the women who love and cherish every single second, but I do let myself be ok with it now. It doesn’t make me or you or anyone else bad mothers. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love our kids more than life. It just means we are normal too.

    Try not to worry. You are doing great and you look beautiful!

    Reply
  • Jill February 16, 2012, 10:15 am

    Ever since I found out I was pregnant I have had a mix of emotions about it. It was unplanned and in a perfect world we would be a little better off financially. I am also freaking out that you are responsible for a human life and your could totally f@#k it up! Obviously I am elated too and can’t wait for July to just get here. Logically, this is normal and human but I am so disappointed that people have asked me if I am “starting to feel happy.” I am not a complainer and I don’t even express my terror to others besides my mom and husband but it feels like some people require a specific reaction or emotional display that just isn’t me. Anyway, it just surprises me that EVERYONE doesn’t feel these things during pregnancy. It is just such a huge thing to raise a child!

    Reply
  • Debbie February 16, 2012, 10:29 am

    Unfortunately MommyGuilt starts when your pregnant and appear to NEVER end…goes along with MommyWorry!! Talking about it with other mothers is the best remedy…you realize that everyone is in the same boat and it is normal. That is why there are so many new mommy blogs out there. :) You will be a great mom…enjoy the experience!

    Reply
  • Kattrina February 16, 2012, 10:47 am

    I wouldn’t say that I have mommy-guilt yet (I am only 11 weeks so I have plenty of time for that), but I still find pregnancy to be WAY more stressful than I thought. Husband and I were pregnant back in the fall and I miscarried the day after I ran the Marine Corps Marathon (I was only six weeks and the docs told me numerous times the marathon wasn’t related to the miscarriage), so this time around I am EXTRA paranoid. I think that every tiny thing is a potential miscarriage – and it is so exhausting. My first miscarriage took me by suck surprise and since there is no way of knowing what happened it made me terrified that it’s something with my body. Every time I hear the heartbeat of the baby I feel relieved but then two days later I scared again. I am hoping after I reach 3 months I can relax a tiny bit.

    P.S. I sometimes eat chips for dinner too. I am usually a HUGE eater but now that my digestion has slowed down so much I can’t eat nearly as much as I used to. Sometimes I forget and snack on some chips and salsa and then by the time dinner is ready I am too full to eat anything. it is definitely something I’m working on!

    I think you are going to be such a great Mom – so I wouldn’t worry too much!

    Reply
  • Ellen February 16, 2012, 11:42 am

    Thank you for this post. Im 15 weeks now and I had some major stress moments. I really stressed about doing the prenatal screenings and I have decided not to do it and just wait for my 20 week US…but it took me awhile to get there. I also worry about not having enough time to focus on my baby when it is born because I work 40 hours a week and commute twice a week for grad school! But I am also so happy and super excited to have this baby and I know my husband will be fabulous with it!!! Oh we just bought a house too!!! I can not wait to decorate the nursury. Thank you for being open and honest on your blog…it is great to read and know other people are going through the same stuff as me and I am normal.

    Reply
  • Katrina February 16, 2012, 12:27 pm

    I love your blog. I have a one year old son and just returned to work. Mommy guilt will always be there in some form. Now I feel guilty about being at work and leaving him. It’s normal.

    Reply
  • Terry February 16, 2012, 12:48 pm

    Off topic – Where did you get that shirt? I have to have one!

    Reply
    • Caitlin February 16, 2012, 12:57 pm

      It was a gift a long time ago .

      Reply
      • Terry February 16, 2012, 1:37 pm

        I love it – my favorite cycling shirt is a bunch of people riding with gas masks on and says something about riding until the end of time. It sounds morbid now that I am saying it, but it is a cute shirt.

        Reply
  • Amber K February 16, 2012, 1:35 pm

    I already feel mommy guilt, and I haven’t even gotten pregnant yet! Since my husband and I are trying I’m constantly worrying about giving certain things up and if I’m really ready to let my life be about someone else completely. So I’m either crazy, or I can pretend that it can start long before one even gets pregnant. ;)

    Reply
  • Lara April 10, 2012, 11:46 am

    Just re-reading this post, as I am 23 weeks tomorrow! Sounds like we have a similar care provider set-up, with a team of midwives (CNMs) supervised by an OB. We’re hoping for an intervention-free birth as well. I’ll cross my fingers for you, Caitlin! And belated congrats on the house!

    Reply

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